Busy, busy, busy….that is what we are! I can’t believe how much we have got going on. I haven’t had a chance to sit down at the computer for more than 20 minutes. I seem to check the emails and that’s it. Went to my Google Reader today, I don’t think I’ll ever catch up on the blogs. Some had 20+ posts! UGH!

So our lives have been filled with…

-rearranging the home. Andrew went to his dad’s for the summer. Plans on getting an apartment in August with some friends, so he has officially left the nest. Eli and PooWee are sharing Andrew’s old room. Eli’s room got changed into the computer room (aka: Eli’s office. Has his desk with all his vision goods in it as well.) I got my dressers back that Andrew used in his room. Living room got rearranged when the computer got taken out. Kitchen got emptied when Eli’s desk got taken out. Yes, every room was affected with this room change. Place looks GREAT! And after a month it’s still VERY CLEAN! This entire rearrangement took me a full week. I could have moved.

-Eli had his blind athletes camp. He had a GREAT time. While we were in Milwaukee for that we stayed two extra days. Went to the zoo and a childrens museum. SUPER TIME!!!

-Eli’s soccer season has started. He practicing twice a week. PooWee takes his ball and practices as well. He’s pretty darn good at dribbling that ball!

-Went to a vision conference in Green Bay. AWESOME! Oh, I so want to hold an IEP in the beginning of school. School SO NEEDS to start upgrading their technology and teaching our VI kids how to use this stuff.

-We had our home study done for the Visual Companion dog for Eli. Went well, but I down in the dumps since then. Our yard is small. That was a turn off for them. I am aware we need to go elsewhere for exercise. And they were concerned about me keep “order” of the dog and PooWee. I can not let go of the leash to chase a two year old. All understandable. I figure PooWee will need some training as well. I was never a big lover of those toddler harnesses, but perhaps one would work to make sure PooWee stays by us and the dog. One of the trainer also mentioned that the dog may be a good thing to keep PooWee by us. PooWee two…he holds your hand one minute and just as you loosen the grip and he finds his chance he dashes for that toy on the store shelf. I just really hope that if they feel it’s not an appropriate time for us to have a dog because of PooWee’s age, that Eli doesn’t hold a grudge towards him.

Check out these two article on the two boys that have a companion dog. Now any of you that know what terror Eli goes through with being alone and his nightmares, I’m sure would agree a dog could be his best friend!

First article and the second article.

I can’t keep my mind off this right now. I’m so stressed about their answer. I truly hope it won’t take too long before they get back to us.

Well, those are our major events. In between time we are swimming, going for walks, at the park…all the fun summer stuff.

No biking so far this year. My bike is broke and haven’t gotten around to fixing it. Plus, I worried about taking Eli out. I feel his vision has worsened. A visit to the eye doctor is due. Calling today.

PooWee sure wants to hop in his seat and go though. I’ve walked my bike with him in the seat a few times for him. That doesn’t completely satisfy him though.

Eli heads off on Sunday for his two week camp at the school for the blind. This year he has a cell phone to take with him, so I’m sure I’ll get a call everyday.

Then one day home and then it’s off to the Lion’s Camp for a week.  I sure do miss him when he’s gone!

Well, boys are waking up and it’s time to decide what we are going to do for the day.

Hope everyone is having the greatest summer like we are!

There’s so much going on here. I’m ready for a day where I can stay in my jammies all and just sit and knit. Oh, I’ll be waiting awhile!

Andrew

His last day of high school is Thursday. Graduation is on Monday evening. WOW OH WOW OH WOW! My lil baby boy is NO LIL BABY BOY! I’ll be sure to post a picture of him in his cap and gown!

He’ll be packing his things up and heading to his father’s home until he turns 18 in August. Then he plans on getting an apartment with his friend. If he doesn’t go with the apartment he will stay at his father’s house. I don’t blame him for this decision. He has the entire basement. His room a rec room and his very own bathroom. Why would he move back by me where he only has his bedroom. I worry though because his father and him “clash” quite often. Their personalities are the exact same and that gets them into trouble often. Of course he’s always welcome here.

His father called today and he’s going out to get Andrew’s Graduation present from us. The two of us went in on a laptop for him. He knows that was our plans and has been whining for it for MONTHS!

I’m also knitting him an afghan as a more personal gift. He better have it for life. (I still have one that my mom made me when I was in preschool. Holes knots and all!)

Funny thing is I started this afghan 5 years ago on our way to Disney. I had full intention to give it to him for Christmas that year. Yeah-well…that didn’t happen. And yet today I am knitting like mad to get it done. I probably have a good three feet to do yet. I want it to be BIG!

Elijah

Newest news with Elijah is we are applying for a Children’s Visual Companion Dog for him. Chances of getting one we are sure are low. But, we are giving it a chance.

I believe one will also assist with his insecurity, and fear of being alone “issues”. Wouldn’t it be completely AWESOME if he could look at toys and I could  go shopping for a new bra, without him whining about being in “that” section.

Other than that, Elijah is just well…he’s Elijah! Keeping me on my toes. Trucking along with therapy. Constantly has his guitar in hand. (I just wish the amp would BREAK!) When Elijah’s home the neighborhood knows.

PooWee

My lil monkey! He’s doing great! He’s such a smart lil man.

Now that the weather is nice he is practicing his temper tantrum when it comes time to going in the house. He loves skateboards. Rides them on his belly. Loves to play tennis, well…try to play. His swing is getting pretty darn good!

He rebels the shopping cart. I believe he feels he should be totally unsupervised in a store and be able to do as he pleases. THANK GOD for Grandma. She will often take him so I can get my errands done.

I made the mistake of getting him a Strawberries and Cream Frappicuno at the “lovely coffee shop”! Anytime we pass it he says and does the more sign. What’s he think…money grows on trees?!

He’s going to be having another speech assessment soon. I’m looking forward to just seeing him get all excited about the therapists visit. He LOVED her big bag of goodies. He had a blast last time. I know it’s a good thing when he didn’t qualify, but I was disappointed too. Just because he did enjoy the visit. It was FUN! He’s trying to talk more, but it’s just not coming around. I grew up with a speech impairment. graduated from therapy when I was in fourth grade. My father had a stuttering problem. So who knows!

He’s at daddy’s right now and I so should be doing some housework. It’s not often that his dad takes him during the week. Usually it’s on the weekends when I’m at work.

Me

Trying to keep one step ahead of the laundry and dishes. Knitting til the wee hours of the night to get that darn afghan done.

Trying to keep all of Elijah’s vision stuff straight. From his CCTV battle to his IEP to the new application of the dog. (13 page application!) Then there’s his name change process. Oh and yeah, we’re still going through therapy. I’m not even going to go into details with that one.

I’ve got to get the car fixed (tire alignment) and oil change pretty darn soon. Elijah goes to his first camp June 19th. Plus, we would like to go to a Vision Conference June 15th and the 16th out of town. UGH!

PooWee, Elijah and I planted our flowers yesterday. They look lovely.

I’ll get a pic of the new hair do up soon. I like it. I actually could go even shorter and probably will next time.

Well, gotta get to that housework!

]]> http://rondidondi.wordpress.com/2009/05/26/we-are-still-here/feed/ 0 roni http://rondidondi.wordpress.com/2009/05/07/good-things-are-happening/ http://rondidondi.wordpress.com/2009/05/07/good-things-are-happening/#comments Thu, 07 May 2009 14:18:38 +0000 roni http://rondidondi.wordpress.com/?p=536 ]]>

POOWEE IS POTTY TRAINED!! YAY!!!!!!!!

We are so proud of our big man! He hasn’t had a diaper on for two weeks now! Except at night, which he is starting to fight about. Last night he actually woke up and walked to the bathroom. I’m still wanting the diaper on at night though!

He’s so cute in his little unders! His doopa is much easier to pinch too!

At times he goes to the bathroom all by himself. If I go in he holds his hand up to me and says, “Get out!” WHATEVER!

Other times he says, “Pa Pa” for potty.

Then there’s the times he pulls his pants down way before he’s to the bathroom, and walks all the way with his pants around his ankles. Yeah, this is nice when your in a public place. Goof-ball!

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Update on Eli’s CCTV!

GREAT news! Elijah’s VI teacher,K  had written the Lions Club and one club responded.

This club is getting together with another group and are going to fund a portable CCTV for him.

Portables are much cheaper, so they think they can do it. K thinks Eli will really like the Sense View.

The Lions will be discussing it at their meeting on Mon.

K is also looking at another option. Our local technical college is closing their low vision center. DEVASTATING NEWS!! She’s trying to find out what they will be doing with the equipment.

It is very sad that this program is closing. The closest low vision service for us will now be 2  1/2 hours away. Eli and I did go there two years ago. It was very helpful in learning what was all out there for Eli. I’m planning on getting him in again before they shut the doors June 15th.

I think I will still pursue my insurance company for a desktop CCTV. If the attorney for disability rights feels we have a chance.

A desktop on has it’s definate benefits. Especially when it comes to Eli working to improve his reading fluency. The screen is way larger, giving him more words to see and being able to read ahead. The portable one only has a 4.3 inch screen.

We’ll see… I sent a packet of information to the attorney. She called yesterday left a voice message that said, “Got your packet of information. It’s very interesting! I have a few question. Please call back.” But, when I did she had just left the office. I’ll be calling today.

I’m somewhat feeling guilty for continuing the fight to get him a desktop one though. Is it right for me to accept a portable one and try to get him a desktop one? They both have their benefits and will be very useful for Eli!

Andrew had his Senior Prom this past weekend. He went with his friend, ex-girlfriend Brooke. (They have been an on again off again couple and have decided to just be good friends.)

Here some pictures of my handsome son and his beautiful date.

They had a really great night. After prom a friend had a party that they attended. (That poor mother had about 30 kids at her house. UGH!) They stayed up until 6am.

Next big event is his Senior Trip and then Graduation! OMG! This is real isn’t it?!

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I did get my haircut. I will post a picture at some point. Andrew took the camera to school for his Lacrosse game tonight. I didn’t like how the girl styled it yesterday, so I didn’t snap one then.

I actually would have gone shorter than what she cut it. To me it looks a bit like a bob cut and I don’t care for that. I figure next time. I like it though.

I have come to the conclusion that short is better on me. Never thought I’d say that.

It is time for a haircut. Actually, I’m over due for a haircut, my ends are horrible.

After cutting my dreads off (I kinda miss them) I had to go short. I liked it. BUT I did not like having to cut it so often. I began to grow it out. I do not the process of growing hair out. Especially the period where there is nothing you can really do with it.

So, here’s I sit ready for a cut and I am debating going short again. I’m somewhat thinking I look better with short hair. Long hair seems to make my long face look longer.

Long hair is easier in that I can just pull it back and I’m done. Short hair needs some styling.

I just don’t know what to do! So you all have to help! I am being VERY brave here and posting pics of me with short hair and long hair. What should I do?

There you have it…now tell me what to do. This is just one decision I can’t seem to make on my own.

If I go short, I’m thinking of a style similar to this.

I don’t plan on highlighting or coloring my hair though.

*Sorry about the short haired picture taking up so much space. I had to scan it and scanned it wrong. Then my scanner wasn’t cooperating, I tried editing….nothing was in my favor. I gave in!

ETA-Going out to lunch with my mom, step-mom, step-sister and two aunts. Afterwards…I’m just going to do it! I’m chopping the hair off! If it’s “showable” I’ll post a pic!

As I’m wandering an adoption forum this morning, I’ve come across a post of a prospective adoptive parent that needs to return the baby girls she planned on adopting.

The Temporary Termination of Right’s was signed, BUT full Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) was not scheduled until court on Thurs. May 10th.

This particular person is complaining about the rights of prospective adoptive parents and how they can just take “her” baby away.

Now, I strongly feel this lady’s pain! I do feel the pain will be like a death to her. I fully do have sorrow for her. BUT, did she NOT read the papers before she signed her name to the agreement? She knew there may be a chance she would have to give back the child. SHE KNEW IT and she still signed the papers.She took as risk. Things don’t allows turn out in our favor.

I also understand that wanting a child bad enough that you sign those papers. But, you truly can not then turn around and cry that your rights have been violated. I’m sorry, it seems so irrational to me, perhaps because I am on the other end of the scope.

Protection for adoptive parents, you have the right not to agree to an arrangement where the mother and/or father have the right to claim their child back after a certain time frame.

Protection for mother and father of the child…that time frame is our protection. We have a short period of time (in some states) that allows us to reevaluate what is right for ourselves and our child.

PooWee is with me today, ONLY because I was allowed time…time to focus on what truly was right. And for that time, I am truly grateful. Words can not express how thankful I am for that time. I am parenting my son because of TIME. AMEN!

*I can already foresee a battle on this post. So I warn you ahead of time..Don’t even think about getting nasty on my blog. This is my place to vent, sort through my feelings or whatever I deem necessary. All comments will be reviewed prior to posting and the delete button is not hard to hit*

I’m not trying to down play an adoptive parent’s role here. As I stated before I do understand the pain this lady is going through. I WAS THERE! I WAS WITHOUT MY SON! Mothers that have relinguished their child(ren) know this pain as well.

You just can’t go into ANY situation without know the good and bad of it. I went into my adoption plan with only the “good” in mind. I found out FAST what the bad was going to be. I blindsided myself big time, and saw nothing but “sunshine and roses”. My neglect to look at reality did cause J & P a TREMENDOUS amount of pain. To this day I regret what I did to them, but I do NOT regret using my right to get my son back! NOT FOR ONE SECOND!

ETA: After going back and looking a little closer at this poster’s profile, I found it interesting that she has Open Adoption Turned to Closed Adoption as an interest. HHHMMM-was she planning an open, only to close it on the childs parents? If that was her intent…OH I won’teven go there! If it wasn’t her intent…then I apologize for thinking it is.

I don’t really write about my adoption story much anymore. That doesn’t mean I don’t ever think back to the horrendously painful time in my life. I still read plenty of adoption related blog, written by all members of the triad. I continue to venture to forums on adoption.

I wonder why I let adoption continue to be a part of my life today, over two years later.  I realize that adoption was apart of my life at one time, but I wish it would just go away.

Perhaps, it’s because I do still think about what happened to us. Perhaps its because I still cry when I think of almost losing my Poo-Wee to adoption.  Maybe it’s because I am still face dealing with those people at work that still think I’m a horrible person for for parenting my son. Or could it be because J and I still cross paths at work, as I’m leaving she’s coming in or vise versa.

While in the early stages of my pregnancy J gave me a book to read. The book…

“Dear Birthmother” by Kathleen Sipler It’s a book about open adoption, containing letters from adoptive parents to the birthmother of their child(ren). Of course it only contains the positves.

Oh the SELFLESS act of the birthmother, how she loved her child so much and did what was best. (puke!) We’ve all heard it time and time again, whether it was from a book, a letter or a person saying it to you. I know I had plenty people say to me, how selfless I was for giving J & P my child.

Why is it that when an expectant mother makes an adoption plan she all of a sudden turns into the most beautiful, selfless, person in the world? Perhaps, she was this type of person BEFORE becoming pregnant. Wouldn’t this make any expectant mother that plans on raising her child selfish?

I’M NOT SELFISH BECAUSE I DECIDED TO PARENT MY SON(S)!

I despise this book. I most definitely do not feel it is an appropriate book for an expectant mother. I think it could almost be viewed as coercive. Though, I don’t feel J meant it to be for me. She hadn’t read the book, nor was she very educated on adoption.

Recently, I read a blog entry on this book. Written by Cassi at Adoption Truth. As I read her post,  I felt sick to my stomach. Recalling the ill taste of this book. Head over there and read the post.  It’s a bad book, but an excellent post on it. (Her blog is as excellent. Read her whole story.)

When I packed up everything J & P had given me to return to them, I put this book in the box. I remember wanting to add a note with the book, giving my opinion on it. I didn’t though, I just placed it in the box, happy to get rid of it. However, I do like the thought of what Cassi’s friend did to her copy. She BURNT it!

Today…I wish I had that copy J gave me. I like the idea of burning it. It might even be worth buying a copy and burning it. But then again, I’d only be adding to the sales rate of the book. And I wouldn’t give a dollar towards the support of this book.

“Dear Birthmother” is the only book I read on adoption.  I really want to read “The Primal Wound”, by Nancy Verrier. I’m too scared to at this point though. Scared that I will have to relate more to what my Poo-Man went through while being separated from me. I do realize it was only two weeks of separation, but I feel it could have been two weeks of LIVING HELL for him. How could I do that to my son. I also think he may still be affected by these feelings of the very beginning of his precious life.

I recall reading a passage at one time that stated a child that may be suffering from the separation pain will get very upset. They will cry a strong cry, arch their backs as if in pain and thrash themselves about.

My PooWee can do this. Oh and I understand that ANY child will get very upset at times. But, this statement burns in me. When I just can’t seem to comfort PooWee and he acts this way, I can only think it’s because of what I did to him. I’ve cried so many tears of pain when he does this, for I believe I have done this to him. I will just hold him and try to comfort him. If it’s too hard to hold him I sit next to him on the bed and rub his back. I want him to know the I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR HIM! I WILL NEVER LEAVE HIM AGAIN!

I long to read this book, I don’t know if I will ever be able to though. Do any of us want to look at what we may have put our chil(ren) through.

With Elijah being in therapy for the pain his father out him through. He is facing this traumatic part in his life and he is only 10 years old. I’m 35 years old and I can’t seem to face the traumatic adoption experience I caused my son.

I’m thinking it’s time I face my evil and buy the book. That would be the first step. I’m sure it’ll sit on my book shelf for some time, but it would be a start. I hate to think of having to face the pain again. I’m coming to realize that it will always be painful, but I need to come to terms with the happy ending that pain resulted in.

I say it time and time again…Elijah takes the most out of me! It’s all worth it, I’d do ANYTHING for any of my boys.

OH let start with stating that I did get a break! Elijah went to an indoor water park resort for three days. Man was it quiet around here. I missed him, BUT I also enjoyed the peacefulness of the home.

Elijah can’t tolerate silence. I think his mind leads him to thinking he’s “alone”. He tends to make noise to comfort himself. That noise can be silly vocals, irritating a brother or banging on a wall. UGH!!!

Elijah lost a pair of his sunglasses while there. We always keep two pair. So far he’s been through four. Not too bad for having to wear them all the time for two plus years.  He is very particular, he will only wear one kind. So I venture to the website that I buy them from and they are OUT OF STOCK! UGH! This was the cheapest site I was able to find, the glasses were only $50 here! He needs a spare pair though so I search some more.

I found a site that had them on clearance for $24.99 with two pair left in stock! I bought both pair! Great news-ah?!

I fear that “his glasses” are getting discontinued though! If this is true…do I have any volunteers that are willing to break the news to him. I don’t think it’ll be a very pleasant transition to a new style. Atleast he’ll have four pair of these now. I may have to continue looking for more clearance deals.

His therapy sessions have been going well. He has been in his own room for quit some time now. However, there is concern with how often the TV is on. He goes to sleep with it on. Between Andrew and I we shut it off through out the night. It’s a guarantee that when I wake him up in the morning it will be on.

He uses the TV as his comfort from the silence and the darkness. His therapist is getting concerned with how often it is on, but we don’t see it going away for sometime.

Right now we are trying to get him to express his anger. Anger towards his father for what he did to him. He has every right to be angry. We are dealing with trust issue between Elijah and his therapist. Elijah confessed to me he doesn’t like telling him how he feels. He shares a lot with me and I will share it with the therapist. That works…to a point.

During therapy I really feel like Elijah just wants to burst into tears, but fights them too much. I’ve talked to him about this. I believe he doesn’t want his therapist to see him cry. I want him to cry, I want him to let it all out.

Yesterday he was just furious at his father. The therapist walked him through two “cool down” sessions. When we left Elijah confessed they really didn’t work. He stated, “I just want to hurt my dad, really bad. Like he has hurt me!”

I asked how giving his dad physical pain would help him with his internal pain. He says it would just make him feel good. I expressed that giving his dad a black eye wasn’t going to be the same. A black eye goes away on it’s own. Internal pain takes work, hard work. He said his dad deserves to feel what he is feeling.

I totally understand where he is coming from. I think Andrew could relate to his feelings as well. Andrew has stated to me more than once that he would love to beat the crap out of him. We truly are not violent people-HONESTLY! I think that the anger we all feel towards Elijah’s father has built up in us all that our bodies just get so tense thinking about him. The fists start to tighten and you just want to release it onto his face. I don’t see any of us actually doing it, but I have to admit it kinda is a nice thought.

Elijah was a total handful (to put it nicely) last night. I believe it was regression from the therapy session. He’s got anger built up and it’s starting to come out. Lord, help us all through this!

CCTV Update

I’ve been trucking along. Couldn’t even begin to tell you how many organizations I have called. Some can help, others can’t, some direct me to another organization.

NOTES NOTES NOTES, I have been eeping lots of them. I record every little detail, from names, to length of calls, you name I have it down.

Yesterday’s work lead me to an actual referral to an attorney. I will be waiting (impatiently) for his return call.

I’m also waiting for an independent living center to call me. Mom was confused on why this organization would help a 10 year old. She understood once I explained how the CCTV would be “independence” to Eli. Oh and the stress it would relieve from my shoulders! I told his VI teacher that if I had to go through another year without one I think I’m going to end up in the psych ward.

I get an email almost everyday from the resource specialist that is helping me. LOADS of information. She is truly a blessing through all this.

I really need to sit down and start typing out the appeal letter. h goodness, I need to get all proper with my grammar and all. Thank goodness I have the resource specialist willing to proof it and help me with adjustments. (You can all verify how “sloppy” I write!)

Went to a Visually Impaired Family Gathering here in town Tuesday night. It sponsored by Wisconsin School for the Blind and Visually Impaired Outreach program. It was held at our local Technical College. Sad news-they have to close their low vision center…EVERYTHING is going, equipment to employees. I want to get Elijah is to check all the equipment out once more before they are gone. June 15th is the end of this service here.

Our next gathering will be in late September. I am in charge of setting it up along with the director of the Outreach program. She lives in Janesville, so I will the local issues. I’m excited and hope it turns out great. One goal of mine will be to get the families and kids to interact more. We all sit with our families and there’s not too much interaction. I’d like a project for the little kids to do, a bigger kid group and then a parent discussion.

I’ve got sometime yet. BUT then again before you know it, it will be here!

I was also asked to look at being trained as a Parent-Educator Support person. I would get free training, held 5 times a year and a stipend to help with childcare. Problem being training is on the weekends.

I would be a resource person for other parents when it comes to the education of their visually impaired child(ren). I would team up with Elijah’s VI teachers. I’m very interested in doing it.

After mentioning it to my resource specialist, she thought I would also do great as a parent trainer for the organization that she works with. They are the ones that held the classes I was taking on being a parent advocate for children of special needs.

Here to it’s free training. Difference is you need speak and hold sessions like the ones I attended. I believe it’s actually a paid position too. I would also be very interested in this.

Oh my! What am I (possible) getting myself into? First things first though. I want to get the CCTV situation all straightened out. In other words…I want it in my home on Elijah’s desk. And then I want to make sure that Elijah is a a comfort level with therapy and dealing with his past.

Bryan responded Tuesday evening.  It was a short reply as his computer has a virus and is getting fixed, so he was at a friend’s borrowing theirs.

I lost count how many times I checked my email to see if he had responded yet. I think I have read his response atleast 50 times already. Each time practically brings me to tears.

It feels really good to be back in touch.

I wrote another friend who I’ve been also been out of touch with. It’s nice to reconnect. Letting time separate you from the ones you love is sad. I feel good.

I’ll call her K-lady on here. It a shortening of a nickname I use to call her way back in out elementary school days. I met her in 4th grade when I had changed schools. We also went to the same church. I stand by my words, “We were not the ones shooting Skittles off of the balcony during church service.” (Ok so maybe we were, but that was a long time ago!) LOL

She too went too camp each summer. Honestly, camp is one of my fondest memories from my childhood. I can almost picture the whole campground as it was back then. The lake, the cabins, the woods and Vesper point. I loved it all.

K-lady was always faithful in sending Christmas cards and birth announcements of her children. I never answered any of them back. As I told her, I wanted too, but I didn’t feel my story was all that great to tell. I know it shouldn’t have mattered. K-lady never would have judged me, as Bryan never would have.

She is married to her high school sweetheart and they have three beautiful children, two boys and a lil diva.  I know she’s an awesome mommy. She always loved kids. She was the favorite sitter on the block. I always pictured her as having a bundle of kids.

Bryan and K-lady are very special people from my past. This time…I’m not going to let them slip away!

Today I sat down and wrote an email to someone I haven’t seen or spoken to in about 10 years.

When I was a kid I use to attend a church camp every summer. One summer sticks in my head as being completely awesome. It was the summer Bryan was directing it. We went on a rafting trip, slept under the stars and ventured to another camp. It was just amazingly fun. I’ll never forget the glow in the dark wood.

I also attended a weekend retreat right before my freshman year, that he directed. It was a very intense and emotional weekend. Bryan became a huge inspiration in my life after that weekend.

When I found out I was pregnant with Andrew at the age of 16, I went to Bryan. I remember writing him the letter, thinking how disappointed he would be in me. He opened his arms to me.

I had asked him to be Andrew’s God father and he excepted.

Throughout the years we did loose touch. But I always knew where to find him. I just had to search his name and it would lead me to his website. He’s a musician, a christian singer songwriter. I’d read up on him, and always think about writing, but never did.

Not sure what held me back. What matters is that I did, tonight I finally wrote him an email. It brought me to tears by the second line. Again, I fear that perhaps I may have disappointed him. But, knowing Bryan, he will only open his arms to me once again.

I feel good that I finally sat down and wrote him. Of course it was 10 years of information shoved into a nutshell. But well, I didn’t want to bore him too much.

I would love to link you all to his site. Many of you would probably love his music as much as I do. He’s an amazing guy, does many mission trips to Haiti, writes some very inspirational songs. He holds a special place in my heart.

However, I’m just not sure I want him to know of my blog just quite yet. I really don’t know why. I told him all about the Pooman “situation”. We’ll see, when I’m ready I’ll invite him here. Perhaps it’s because nobody I know in real life knows of this site except one of my sisters. Maybe it’s that whole totally opening myself up to someone thing. If your interested I’ll gladly email his site to you. Just leave me a comment.

And now I wait, for his reply. I’m excited and will probably be checking my email every 10 minutes.