Archive for Ranting

Bad News….Good News

November 22, 2009 · Filed under Family, Just for fun, My Boys, Ranting, fustration, life, me, venting, whining

I’m ready for a long vacation, preferably someplace warm. If I close my eye I can see myself on the porch of a log cabin in the mountains. Trees are overlooking us. The sun is shining bright. Of course there’s no worries to be had.

Hey-a person can dream…right?

So…..whatcha want first the good or the bad? We definitely have both. Lets go with the “bad” or the things in life that I would rather not be dealing with.

I found out on Fri. that my appeal to the insurance company for a CCTV for Eli has come to an end. Actually, I should say it NEVER got started. Angry I am, because my “advocate specialist” NEVER sent the appeal letter like she said she would. And now my appeal time has expired. Nice specialist, ah? I would have written one. Either that or I could have gone with one of the other two organizations that offered to take my case. But when they found out I was working with the one my advocate works with they said to stick with her because that organization is top in the state. At this particular moment I beg to differ.

My mom is irritating the doo-doos out of me. I hate to say that, but she is. She is a complete nervous wreck about her trip. She’s forgetful, she’s repeating herself 100 times.  She’s overly sensitive to the smallest things. She’s crabby. I know she’s not sleeping. I know she freaking out about going. But damn it, I’m sick of taking the backlash from her. I ask her a question and she blows up..”I already told you! Blah, blah….” Too bad 99.9% she hasn’t and normally she recalls who she told then. If she makes it to the airport on Saturday, I think I may be surprised. Why do something is it causes you this much stress?

I wish my friend wouldn’t have pointed out that the actions of Mr. Shockman being inappropriate. I can’t stop thinking about how I so easily accepted it as it was just the way things go and even made the excuse he was a nice guy. It amazes me how I swore I would never let another man treat me half as bad as my ex husband and yet I allowed this. Well, I didn’t allow ANYTHING, but I excused what he did do. IAM BETTER THAN THAT! I let myself sink to my old self that didn’t give a rat’s ass about herself and had no self-esteem. What the hell is up with that? One scumbag dragged me down…but only for a short time.

If a friend of mine confessed to me as I did to my friend, I’d be telling her to file charges. My friend told me this. I’m not filing. There’s too much a stake. He’s power… I’m the not. Just pray he stays away. I don’t want him near me again.

I think I’m done with the bad! YAY!

On to the good and bad…

PooWee’s IEP meeting is set up for Dec. 9th. Good that he is getting help with his speech. Bad because I still can’t agree with sending a 3 year old off on a bus to school. That’s MY time to teach him. I know I still can and will, but PRESCHOOL ALREADY??? In Roni’s world…the speech therapist would continue to come to our home and talk with him verses him going to her. :)

Elijah and I are headed down to UW Hospital Eye Clinic on Dec. 1 for more tests on his vision. These test are looking at Stargardts Disease. Good because we may know more specifics on his vision. We’re pinpointing more. Bad because of the what ifs. What if things are worse than we thought.

I think I can go on to the good now.

ANDREW GOT ANOTHER JOB!!!! YAY!!! My bank account has been running on empty here. It’s been hard to help him out more than what he costed me when he lived with me. Plus without the child support I use to get with him. It warms my heart to know that he truly did appreciate it though. He has left his teen attitude in high school. YAY!

I have officially applied to college. My next step is to take the readiness tests. I need about 2 hour of peace and quiet. YEAH-I’m going to find that! I’m hoping the boys fall fast asleep tonight…EARLY!

When Elijah and I go down to Madison is highly possible I will be meeting up with Bryan. We never did get together this summer. But, I hope and pray it works out this time. Elijah has actually never met him. I feel strongly that he will really like him.

It’s not looking like Andrew will make it. And well, I’m getting a sitter for PooWee. This will be no fun for him at all. Eli will have a test done, then we wait…have another test done…then we wait…etc No fun for a 3 year old OR ME! I must not forget my knitting.

I don’t have the details of the tests yet, but the should be coming in the mail any day now.

Speaking of Bryan, I don’t think I ever did link all my internety friends to his site. Well, here ya have it…Crosswind Music. 

Well, as I mentioned above, I’m at work and it’s been super slow all day, but now we are getting 2 patients. Speaking of good and bad. Bad that the patient is coming to the ICU, but good for my sanity as I now have something to do!

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Dilemma(s)

October 29, 2009 · Filed under Andrew, Elijah, Family, G-ma Marcy, My Boys, PooWee, Ranting, fustration, life, me, venting, whining, work

What’s my dilemma? Work! Work-smork-bork!

I’ve got to figure out what I’m going to do with my work schedule and soon.

Here’s the deal, my sitter has quite babysitting on Sundays. Andrew has been watching them every other Sunday and my mom the other. PooWee’s dad gets him every other Sunday afternoon until I get done with work. This is usually the Sunday Grandma has the boys.

Grandma is headed to Arizona for about 2 months in a few weeks. Andrew works the Sunday that he doesn’t get the boys. He also doesn’t commit to sitting until the Saturday before.

I’ve called way to many sitters to count. Either they have no openings or they don’t sit on Sundays. I do have one more number to call, however she is a 20 min drive the opposite direction. Last resort!

I also need to find someone/thing for Eli on Fridays. He needs to be taken to school and pick up and dealt with until I’m done with work. There is after school childcare, they won’t commit to just taking him on “just Fridays” until 2 weeks prior to the date I need them. What if they are full?

My current sitter keeps the boys until 1 hr prior to me being done at work. During the summer she agreed to keeping them longer. I’m worried she may not feel that way now, seeing she is already cutting her hours of sitting.

I need to work 24 hours of a weekend to maintain my extra pay as weekend only. Which is a large amount per hour.

I could….

1-Cut my hours from 36 to 24. Perhaps by not working Sundays. But still stuck with Eli’s situation on Fridays.

2-Go off of weekend only. Would have to work a day and a pm shift. Plus work every third weekend. New babysitter issues open up there. Not to mention that I despise the thought of my kids not being in their own beds at night.

Looks like no matter what I do I will be decreasing my budget dramatically. I will have the money that I pay my mother for sitting, but that doesn’t compare to the loss in wages.

I also work any and all holidays that fall on a weekend. Sure, this is nice for a few years, but starting this year it’s not that nice. I have to work Christmas and New Years day.

PooWee will go by his dad on Christmas day. I’m doubting they will take him as early as I would need them too though. Here too, he says, “we’ll talk when it gets closer.”

My heart breaks for Eli. As Eli really has no one. My niece did send the message through Grandma that she would take him if I didn’t find anything else. AWESOME offer, just feel that Eli may be uncomfortable. She’s the only person he would know as she will be with her “other” side of her family. I’ve threatened my mother that I was going to fly him to Arizona for Christmas! (She can’t get away that easy!) LOL

Andrew was more than willing to hang with Elijah until he got word that he too has to work.

I’m crossing my fingers that one girl at work will switch Thanksgiving for Christmas. Unfortunately, she is on Family Medical Leave for an undetermined amount of time.

It doesn’t look like Motrin will be taken out of my diet for a while. I’m sick of the headaches! SERIOUSLY, why does my head have to keep reminding me of everything going on?

I’m ready to say, “Screw it all! Watch out Coco here we come!!!” :) LOL!

Another thought was to look into dropping the hours and look at going to school again.

I guess only time will tell!

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Life Continues

October 24, 2009 · Filed under Andrew, Elijah, Family, My Boys, Parenting, Ranting, fustration, life, me, venting, whining

It’s been just as if not more chaotic since my last post.

Andrew is getting settled in his new lil pad. He loves  being out on his own. He’s grown so much in these past few weeks. Everyone has told me that kid’s start coming out of the teen attitudes and drama around the age of 22 or 24. Andrew has appeared to have already made that step.

He’s doing some babysitting for me on Sundays, as my sitter decided to stop sitting on Sundays. (UGH!) He is so much nicer to Eli than when he was at home. Eli loves just going over to Andrew’s place and sitting around. Eli also like both of Andrew’s room mates. I think he feels like one of the guys.

Speaking of Andrew’s new home. It’s the apartment that Eli’s dad had when he did all that horrible stuff to Eli. Andrew took caution in taking Eli there. We knew it could cause some horrible memories to trigger, but could also be therapeutic and show Eli that “it’s all in the past.”

Eli had done well with it. He has admitted to recalling what the place looked like 6 years ago. He got a bit freaked out, but got himself back under control. I believe it’s been more therapeutic than anything.

PooWee still and probably always will think that Andrew and his friends are the coolest people in the entire world. He doesn’t even want to come home with me! :(

I don’t believe I’ve told you all about our newest family member. I’ve been holding off due to wanting to post pictures. BUT, somethings up with my beloved computer AGAIN! (New one on the to get list from taxes!) I can’t get my camera to download my full memory card to the computer! And well…I haven’t really had the time to mess with the computer either.

Anyways….

Eli got a puppy for his birthday!

Yes, I am well aware that I MUST HAVE BEEN OUT OF MY MIND!!! I’m still trying to figure out what I was exactly thinking.

Puppy’s name is Kadin. Eli choose it after two to three days of trying out different names. Kadin means companion and Eli liked that. It fits the little guy.

Kadin is a pug (momma) and boston terrier (dadda) mix. AKA a Bugg.

Kadin is full of piss and vinegar. He loves to attack PooWee. Poor PooWee has Kadin marks all over.

Kadin and Eli started their puppy classes on Thurs. Though Kadin thought that attacking the cute lil girl puppy was more fun then listening. He is such a male.

Eli has done well with poop and pee duties. We are training him to go inside and outside. Just when we think we had an awesome day, he proves us wrong. He is gated out of all carpeted areas, BUT has now figured out how to JUMP the gates.

Kadin and Eli are truly going to be great buddies!

I can’t wait to show you all some pictures of the little shit. Plus, I got a gross one that will make you laugh!  :) He’s a creative lil guy as well!

Got this (stupid, annoying, nonsense…etc) FBA meeting at Eli’s school on Monday morning. I have yet to figure out how or why we need it. Someone tell me why MY request to meet with the classroom teacher and principal to discuss BoyA and BoyB’s relationship with Eli has turned in to THEIR CONCERNS being addressed. They won’t discuss anything about these boys.

And let me tell you…if his classroom teacher walks in plops in her chair, folds her arms across her chest and has the same glare she wore at the past meeting, I WILL FLIP OUT!! We are here BECAUSE of her and then to walk in with such an attitude. Like I’m wasting her time! Oh lady – you haven’t even seen the b*tch that I can be yet!

Eli’s VI teacher, K and I have talked at length about all this. I so do love her! This is the first FBA she’s been involved in, and she’s been teaching VI students for 33 years. She’s heard it’s a long dragged out process. LOVELY…just lovely!

My advocate will be joining us. I have mixed feeling about her. Though she is very nice, well informed on the laws, and has taught me a lot. She is an “in your face” type of personality. I really don’t care what she says to the classroom teacher or the principal, as I don’t have too many nice thoughts about them right now myself. But, she has gotten rude with K a few times. THAT BOTHERS me! K knows what she is doing and I trust her with all my heart.

Eli and I will meet with our advocate prior to this meeting. I trying to find the correct words to inform her that I want her to be nice. I want everyone to “play nice in the sandbox”. :)

Hopefully after this meeting, I’ll be able to sleep! I really miss my sleep!

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I Can’t Take ANYMORE

October 10, 2009 · Filed under Andrew, Blind, Elijah, Family, My Boys, Parenting, PooWee, Ranting, fustration, life, me, venting, visually impaired, whining

I’m stressed out! Like so stressed all I want to do is cry, yet I’m too angry to cry or the tears just won’t come, or I don’t have time to cry.

At work on Friday, it was time for lunch…I realized I hadn’t eaten since Wednesday evening. Thursday was so full of events and drama, I fed the kids and never fed myself.

Andrew and his father got into “it” big time and his father pretty much kicked him out. I’m actually surprised he managed to hang out there as long as he did. He is staying with friends right now and is looking for his own place.

He wasn’t prepared to move out, so I’ve hit the bank account to help him out. I think I bought him more groceries than I gave us at home. Perhaps he’ll make a supper or two for us. :)

PooWee is looking at PreK in December. :( I’m not overjoyed about it. As I don’t think kids need school at the age of three. I can teach him what he needs to know. I figured I’d homeschool him as I did the other two. They both turned out to be above grade level when they did enter school. Their social interactions were just fine too.

However, he’ll be too old for  the Birth to 3 program for speech therapy and will need to go to school for therapy. I don’t have all the details yet. Technically, it’s not even official. His current speech therapist said I should be getting information soon to set up the IEP process. (Oh the IEP!) I’m glad this time around I know what IEP even stands for. I know what to expect and how it “all” works. Just instead of vision, I’m dealing with speech. More to learn there though.

He’s missing his last sylable of most of his words, and missing majority of his vowel sounds. Yes, he talks backwards Polish. (No offense to the Polish! :)   ) He’ll tell you a story. His sweet lil face as serious as can be. It’s so hard to look at him and say, “Honey, I don’t know what your saying. I’m sorry!”  You can often get the jits of wht he’s saying, but I just really want to know all that he has to say.

There is a guilt within me that I passed this on to him. I pray he doesn’t go through all the teasing I did in early grade school. Actually, if he does my heart tells me he is a stronger lil guy than I was and can handle more than I did. If not watch out teasers because he’s got a mean punch in him. :)

Life with Eli has brought more than I think I can handle sometimes. It feels like everytime I turn around something new is hitting me in the face.

I’m not even sure where I begin. I’m even sort of sick of talking about everything that is racking up on us. I feel overwelmed just thinking about typing it all out.

Let’s start with school. UGH! I wish I could just pull him out and give him the education I feel he deserves. One that he will thrive in, learn at his own pace and will challenge him.

New year, new teacher, more difficulties!

For the past year Eli has been having “issues” with two particular boys at school. (We’ll call them BoyA and BoyB)

BoyA and Eli use to be friends. Then Eli told BoyA he didn’t want to be his friends because he didn’t like the way he treated him or other kids. Eli chose to hang with his current two best friends. Whom have a “bad” reputation at school. Now last year I was concerned about these new friends because of what the school and parents have all told me. And because of a a few factors that I knew of with one of the boys’ families. However I stand here (or sit really) and say I WAS WRONG! I would much rather my son be friends with these two boys verses his old friend, BoyA.

If I were to ask a teacher about BoyA and they could tell me what they thought, this is what I believe they would say.

 -”He’s the star student. Advanced in all his subjects, gets his homework completed, participates in class, and is an example to the other students. He attends leadership courses. He is involved in sports.

BoyA has a tendency to degrade the Eli. He’s better at everything and anything imaginable than the Eli, so this is what he tells him. BoyA had so much control and authority he tells Eli what postition he’s going to make his dad put Eli in for football.

BoyA likes to do physical stuff to Eli. Like bumping into him as he passed him. If Eli returns the gesture BoyA screams, “OUCH knock it off Eli.” Of course this gets the teachers attention. BoyA is sucessful at getting Eli in trouble.

BoyB is tends to be BoyA’a “tag along”, but he’s more of the physical bully. Pushing, hitting, tripping all that jazz.

Eli and his two friends DON’T TELL, that is their biggest fault. I’ve told Eli, if your not going to tell then you will be the one in trouble.

Most of the above happened last year. This year I, myself have WITNESSED much of BoyA’s “activities”. I have spoken with his father and mother only to find out that BoyA tells them a completely different story as to wait I witnessed. Of course, their child is sweet and innocent and I’m the one with the bully child.

Now I’m not saying Eli is completely innocent. Ask him, he will tell you when he does something wrong. But, I will tell you he doesn’t lie. I believe him with all my heart. Throughout these past few weeks I have questioned his truth, but then I am confirmed by others that he is being truthful.

In the last few weeks I have witnessed BoyA (at football) scream demands at Eli and his friends. I was in complete shock. I  so should have said, “Who in the hell are you to tell them what to do?” instead I turned away and his dad (assistant coach) told him to calm down. Then BoyA went over to Eli and hit him with his chest (as if to start a physical fight)as Eli was standing line and BoyA should have been on the other end of the field. Of course BoyA’s parents believe that Eli pushed him on his shoulder because that’s what he told them.

Upon leaving football BoyA was degrading Eli and his friends because they were talking about Reading Buddies. BoyA thought it was appropriate to inform them how much better he is at reading then them and how they suck. Two of us parents told them to calm down and stop. Everyone did except BoyA. BoyA continued on, but only to change the subject to how bad of a center Eli is and that he will no longer be “his” center. (BoyA of course plays quarterback. Personally, I think it’s only because Daddy is assistant coach. Actually, I should say WAS an assistant coach as he hasn’t been to any more games or practices since the time he was screaming at the kids so badly. – AH-we have a connection here, don’t we?!

Well, to continue on with the drama. BoyB decided to grab Eli’s leg as he was getting up from the floor to change positions. Eli fell forward, got up and pushed him back. Now, I’m not saying what Eli did was right, BUT I understand why he did. He is fed up with the….BULLSHIT!

Eli (and BoyB) get sent to the principals office. (I’m not aware of BoyB’s punishment or what the principal all had to say to him.) Eli had to watch a video on be a bully. The principal told him he was a “gang faultality, he should stick up for his friends, can’t continue only hang out with his two best friends, etc. I did have a lil talk with the principal. She will no longer be talking to my son without me present or atleast on the phone.

And of course principal feels Eli is “insecure with is visual impairment” and that is why he is behaving this way. So, she calls an IEP meeting.

Which is no longer an IEP, but will be a meeting to go over Eli so everyone is on the right path. Right path? – Well, you see Eli’s classroom teacher feels he’s not using his technology enough. She thinks his video magnifier should be used to view the TV when they are watching a video. (It soean’t work for that.) He is out of luck and just has to listen to the video. (But of course is expected to get as much information from it as the other students.)

She also feels he needs to start moving closer to the board when she is working on it or she is using the overhead. Eli’s response, “Why should I when I can’t see it anyways.” Very understandable. But now I ask, why does he have to “just listen” when there is technology out there that will allow him to also SEE what the other students are seeing.  He’s expected to learn the same amount they do, but with less visual intake.

So all this must of course mean there is something “up” with his behavior. So, now they are requesting a behavior assessment. Which at this point I have said NO to. Oh, they also asked for records from his therapist. Funny, how the school loves to dig deeper than they need to.

I let it all out on his vision teacher, K. (Again SORRY K!) Why is it that I have been asking and asking about his reading for nearly two years now. I also seem to get a “keep her happy” answer. But when the school says, “WWAAAA!” action is taken immediately?! At the end of last year his teacher told us he NEEDS to read atleast 15 minutes a day or he would start to fall behind. Now, someone please tell me how in two years the school could let a Gifted and Talented reader fall to “almost behind.” I am insisting on a reading evaluation, a straight answer and I don’t want to hear SHIT about his fluency. I don’t care if he reads at a 1st grade speed! I want to know how he is comprehending. And if he has fallen that much, how they are going to rectify this situation.

I will NOT sign a release for his therapy records. As our therapist stated, alot of what we talk about in therapy is NONE OF SCHOOLS BUSINESS. But, he has agreed to verbally talk to them, if they wish and I agree. He will only tell them things he feels will assist with school. But, I will be sure to remind them, THEY will pay for his time… NOT ME!

I’ve tried for over a year to get the school to recognize that Eli and his friends are not always the one’s starting trouble. That they often are the victims of bullying and degrading comments. They don’t believe their prize student (BoyA) could be doing such stuff and blow me off. Without Eli and his friends telling it’s hard. Plus the fact that they often don’t get the chance to tell their side of the story, or choose to just take the consequences verses sticking up for themselves, doesn’t make it easy for me to get the info through. Truthfully, I don’t think that the school would believe my boy anyways.

Well, I’m letting the school know. I am now becoming the tattle tail and I will become the pain in their butt until they start looking in to every and any situation I tell them about.

BoyA’s parents are good friends with (new one!) BoyC. BoyC is now accusing Eli of smashing him in the helmet with his head and hurting him , where he was crying all night long after football practice the other night. (BoyA’s mother is the one that informed me of this.) BoyC’s parents have yet to say a thing about it to me, or the coach. When I confronted Eli, he was completely clueless to what I was talking about. He didn’t do anything to BoyC. But, of course he is being blamed.

Other things these parent sare blaming Eli (and his two friends) for are…constantly fooling around during practice, making the team having to run more, hurting all their co-players, causing BoyB to quite the team because they teased him too much. (Oh yeah BoyB – his parents are friends with BoyA and BoyC too.- HHMMM another connection)

Per football coach (whom I have spoken with and they have not) Eli does NOT cause the team to run extra, he does not feel Eli would intentionally hit BoyC. He likes Eli and said that he is a very good player. He’s tuff and can stand his ground and more.

Eli is 105 pounds and short. He is the only one on the team that can consistently take down the biggest guy, who is 140 pounds and about a foot and a half taller tham Eli. You will often hear the coach telling the team that how much Eli is getting through the line. “Hey, somebody hold Eli back would ya? Don’t let Eli through, get him down this time!”

BoyA’s father use to (before his yelling got him kicked out of coaching) coach the defensive players. I never heard him say, “Wow good job Eli.” Instead it was, “Come on Eli you know how to do it!” (Gee-another connection to BoyA’s degrading remarks to my son.) 

But holy man like light and day once the main coach took over teaching defense, my E-man is a STAR! The coach is very impressed with him.

At practice you can feel the tention each and everytime Eli breaks through the offensive line and tackles BoyA to the ground before he gets the chance to even see where to throw the ball. BoyA will cry and scream at Eli, because you know…Eli did SOMETHING wrong. BoyA has cries every practice, he yells at everyone that knocks him down. 

BoyA, BoyC and two other sets of parents like to hang out and talk about Eli and his two friends. They make it very well known. I think they are worse than the kids.

 

Thursday nights practice has been haunting every since. 

Towards they end of practices the boys get to play a game the coach calls Deer and Wolves. Wolves need to tackle all the Deer to the ground.

Eli was laying low during practice this day as he hurt his back during school. (Not pertaining to his disk that was slipping. That has been stable for over a year. Which is why he was cleared to join football by his spine doctor.) The coach knew this and reminded the boys all practice to be a bit more careful with Eli because he had hit his back earlier in the day.

Back to Deer and Wolf. Again Eli was a Wolf, he wore the blue cap on his helmet,he was to tackle the other kids  who did not have a blue cap on, the Deer. Eli was towards the outside trying to find a Deer. Being dark he can’t see doo doos, but if one were to go right in front of him, he’d get them.

Out of the blue this DEER runs in and tackles Eli onthe right side, Eli flies off the ground and slams down on his back. I saw it all. I run out there, yell for the game to stop, look up at the father of the kid that hit him, (Eli laid right in front of him) and asked him for help.

He looked at me. I heard him tell his kid he wasn’t suppose to hit him so hard, and HE WALKED AWAY! Where did he walk to you ask? He walked over to BoyA’s father, BoyC’s mother and laughed with them! I overhear BoyC’s mother say VERY LOUDLY, (she wanted us to hear) “Well, atleast one of our kids didn’t get injured tonight!” Now, I also have to mention that BoyA’s father is an EMT. Yet, he didn’t move an inch towards Eli. Who by the way was screaming, his right leg was tingly and numb and he was holding his back.

One of the coaches did make it over. Eli got to his feet and limped his way to the car. I had his spinal doctor paged. Waited over an hour for his page. Without a response I took Eli to the ER. The doctor managed to look at Eli a whole two minutes, proceeded to tell me it was a muscle injury. I stressed the FACT that he had a bad disk right where the pain was. But nothing worked and he pretty much walked out on me.

I paged his spinal doctor AGAIN, I was so uncomfortable with Eli’s state and wanted his disk looked at. Spinal doctor’s reply, “What do you want me to do about it tonight. Come to the office on Tuesday.”

So, Eli is back on his crutches as he was way in the beginning (almost two years ago) with his back pain. He can’t walk very well without them without alot of pain. He’s surviving on over the counter pain medication every 6hrs. Though he could use some sooner.

He wanted to go to school on Friday against my wishes. He did well. He had to endure BoyC laughing at him and making comments to his friends. He had to hear from other firends how BoyA explained how Eli was crying when it happened.

FUROSIOUS MOTHER that I have turned into immediately emailed the teacher about these boys. The teacher forwarded the email to the principal. Who called my cell phone (even thought the teacher knew I was at work) telling me that we have a problem because BoyA wasn’t in school all day. He was at leadership. (HA-what a leader!) Clarified with Eli and BoyA returned during Math class. Called and left voice mail to principal about clarification and sternly stated I AM DONE WITH THIS BOYS ACTIONS. I will be reporting everything and if it happens during school I will expect them to investigate the situation.

I’m not playing nice anymore. Nice has gotten me no where. Now, I’m pissed and the pissed off Rhonda will not be happy until these situations come to an end.

I’ve had several conversations with the football coach who too is very concerned and distaught at what took place. He too sees the personality I see with BoyA. BoyA is smart though, I’ll give him that. He plays the good game when the teachers are around. Coach is very concerned about Eli.

My fear…that on Tues we will find out that Eli’s disk has slipped more. I think even if Eli didn’t have a bad disk, he would have been severly injured with as hard as this kid hit him. We had been told that if his disk slipped any further, he would need surgery. I feel so very sad for Eli. As he loves football, and HE’S GOOD AT IT! Plus it’s one out of how many sports that he WILL be able to continue playing for his school years with his blindness. Now, if he needs surgery on his back, will he ever play again. Will surgery be the “fix all” and he can return to playing next year? Eli also heard the parents laughing and the comments made. How could grown adults be happy that he was hit so badly? How could an EMT NOT come and help and injured child, even IF he didn’t like that child? How can someone walk away from a mother asking them to help he injured child? I can’t help but wonder if this “accident” was triggered by parents. Am I wrong to think this? I feel wrong! But, why would this kid do this when he wasn’t even suppose be a a F-ing Wolf  doing the tackling?

Why does Eli have to suffer so much? What has he ever done to have one thing after another happen to him? WHY?! And please don’t tell me God only gives us what we can handle. Or everything happens for a reason. I’m angry, I’m hurt, I’m tired and I just want this all to go away!

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ANYONE AND EVERYONE!!! Please critque my post! This is what I have SO FAR prepared for my talk at our Visually Impaired Family Gathering. Please leave me good and bad comments! Yes I’m begging. I totally do not want to make a fool out of myself! THANK YOU!!!

September 14, 2009 · Filed under Blind, Elijah, Family, Helping others, Just for fun, My Boys, Ranting, fustration, life, me, venting, visually impaired

Before I start, please let me add that it’s been a LOOOONG time since I’ve had to speak infront of a group of people. There will be approximately 30 people at this event and to me that’s ALOT of people to talk in front of. It’s a very relaxed atomsphere and I’m sure I’ll only be glancing at my paper now and then, but I just wanted somewhat of a format to go by.  Thanks TONS for those that put themselves through reading this!  Also, I moderate my comments, just because there have been some very stupid (to put it lightly) ones in the past. Let the “talk” begins…

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I think I may have been one of the only mothers out there that had been dreading the start of school. One because summer seemed just WAY TOO SHORT this year and totally flew by us. And two– HOMEWORK!! Homework can be a huge stressor at our house.

I have not been able to accomodate Elijah’s blindness at home. This is more devastating to me than hearing the doctor tell us that he was legally blind. We have the bear necessities to get by. He’s got magnifying glasses from 4X to 12X, lighted ones, pocket ones, even a dome one. He’s got his own desk with his special lighting. A large supply of erasable pens and bold lined paper. He’s even got 3 pairs of his “signature” sunglasses.

This summer we transformed our home into a dungeon. It was just too bright for him. We went out bought some good blinds, shades or darker curtains and now he can live inside without wearing his sunglasses. Ok here’s one area I was glad to see school start. I get to pull open the these shades and let the sunshine in during the day….well until he gets home that is.

But when it comes to some of his homework, his magnify glasses just don’t just don’t always do the trick. I find they work best with worksheets. Where what he reads and writes are on the same page. Bouncing from his math book to his paper doesn’t work so well. He looses the problem he’s on, misses pernent information like a decimal and he ends up getting very frustrated.

Reading has to be the worse. He’ll test out his different magnify glasses to see what works best with the font of the book. Then he gets upset because the magnify glass is getting all fogged up from his breathing. I try to tell him to just stop breathing, but he doesn’t find my humor in that. I would say it takes him anywhere from 5 to fifteen minutes to read one page in a book.

His school has a reading program he participates in. They need to read 15 minutes a night. It will take him well over a month just to read one book.

When the class is reading a book together and they have to do some independent reading at home. Such as reading to the end of the chapter, that could take him well over an hour at home.

Yes, I am home to help him most of the time. But, helping and doing are two different things. I can’t always sit down and read him his math problems. Read to the end of the chapter for him and help him with any other work he may have.

This year his teacher sent home a letter of what to expect in 5th grade. I found it very interesting when she wrote the criteria for homework is about 10 minutes per grade level. So, this year we are to expect 50 minutes of homework a night. He’s done 3 times that in the past.

Last winter I attended a classes held by Family Voices entitled Did you know? Now you know. How to be a parent advocate for you special needs child. The class went through everything from, daycare to IEPs to medical insurance private and Medicaid and more. I would encourage everyone to attend one of these sessions if at all possible. I learnt so much.  I am very glad I attended them. ( I did hand out the next few sessions in the Pier bulletin)

We’ve been dreaming of a CCTV for home use since the beginning of his diagnosis. He uses one at school, he loves it and definitely know the benefits of it. I was encouraged to make a claim to my private insurance and Eli’s Medicaid for a CCTV by the presenters of the Did you know Now you know sessions. I immediately had Celena HHHRIRHRIR from  ***** as my backbone for anything I needed.

So, I made my claim. Within minutes I was turned down. I asked for a reason. And stated that a CCTV can be considered a durable medical equipment and it is also known by the board of Opt….. to be a prosthetic device. Then I was asked to get a letter from his eye doctor supporting the need for one.

Eli’s eye doctor Dr. W fully supported my claim, I received a letter from him. I faxed his letter and the article I have given you written by Gregg Trapp. I found this article to be very encouraging. 

To no surprise to me the insurance company once again denied the claim. This time they gave me a reason. “A (my employer) was not making any home modifications at this time.”  As you can see in the denial letter, they listed examples of home modifications such as saunas, tanning bed and elevators. I had to laugh at how they put a CCTV under a home modification. Then again I had already shown them that it was a durable medical equipment and a prstethis device, so they had to think of something to deny me under.

Then the appeals process began. This is the part that I could not have done without Clelna.  She is a hero in my book. She started throwing different organizations at me to contact. She was talking to people everywhere she went. She had never assisted with a visually impaired situation before so she was learning as she went too.

I talked to so many different organizations it was crazy. I was even goofing up names and who was from which organization. It ends up that currently I have Disabilty Rights/WI supporting my case. Sue  is my contact person. The appeal letter was sent out this summer and we are once again waiting for my insurance companies response. Sue is preparing her case by getting school records and information from the insurance company. We anticipate Medicaid denyingus too, but haven’t gotten that far yet.

I am so astounded how insurance companies don’t recognize the blind or visually impaired. Not one item have they covered for Eli’s disability. Well, they do cover 80% of his eye exam once a year. However they didn’t cover a dime when we had an extra visit one year because we were concerned about him seeing floaters. Medicaid did pick that one up though.

I find that if we as parents can’t afford the needed items for our children we have to rely on charity. And it’s wonderful that these charities are there. Eli has been very blessed with a portable CCTV the Sense View which he just received from the Kronenwetter Lions thanks to a referral made by his Vision teacher Karen. We can’t thank them enough. But I can’t stop feeling that insurance companies should start helping the blind and visually impaired more. If I brake my ankle they’ll help cover crutches, possibly a surgery, so that I can walk again. But, they won’t help my blind child read a book.

I’ve learnt that patience is the number one necessity throughout this fight. Nothing is going to happen tomorrow. Followed by determination and support from those around you. I can’t tell you the number of times I have broken out into tears only to wake up the next day to make more phone calls and retell Eli’s story to yet another person.

I don’t know what the outcome of this will be. Our dream is to have a CCTV sitting on Eli’s desk. Last winter I said I just couldn’t go through another school year of homework. I was drained, beat up, I hated homework. But, here we are at the start of a new school year and no CCTV yet.

 

 ETA-Within a short time of posting this I had a search engine bring someone here as they searched the question -”Why doesn’t health insurance cover the blind?” Come on people lets fight this battle! They can’t keep refusing the blind!

 

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What DO I DO?

August 23, 2009 · Filed under Helping others, Ranting, fustration, life, me, venting, whining

Sometimes I just wish I didn’t know things. It would make thinks so much easier. But, easy just doesn’t seem to be the way my life goes sometimes.

I have been informed that someone whom, I care about is doing drugs.  This particular person is only a young teen. Immediate response would be to talk with the child’s mother. Just to call her up and tell her what I HEARD and am concerned about. I think it should be “checked” into. However, I stop and think again.

The last time a I spoke to this mother about a concern. My mother was yelled at by various people, Elijah was yelled at by various people, but NO ONE came to me about it. I had told only one additional person about this issue and that was my mom. Just to get her opinion on what I should do.

I was accused of things that were not true. I was glared at by others. This particular mother blabbed to everyone. However, turned out that I WAS RIGHT. Her child FINALLY confessed. BUT, my mother, Elijah nor me ever heard an apology. Nor did all the outsiders hear that I WASN’T lieing. Just really urks me.

This mother supports Elijah’s father. Speaks of what a good man he has become and how awful I am for “keeping” Elijah from him.

1 I have NEVER stopped Elijah’s father from seeing him. Would I if he knocked on my door….DAMN STRAIGHT!

2 This mother was not holding Elijah every night as he shivered in fear. Fear that he was going to be killed.

3 This mother doesn’t sit with Elijah in therapy every other week 5 years later. SHE HAS NO CLUE!

My mother and I are best friends. We share more together than anyone will know. I am ridiculed for how she watches the boys. Of course NOT TO MY FACE, just behind my back. But, these people don’t know that I do have another option. I don’t NEED mother to watch my boys. But, she NEEDS to watch them for the money. I can’t give her the money and someone else. They don’t know that often the boys are just a good excuse for her not having to attend something she doesn’t want to. Instead, I’m criticised over and over and over and over again.

So, what is all this venting and complaining about? I’m stuck on what to do about what I have heard.

Last year I choose to keep the fact that this child is VERY sexually active to myself and my best friend (my mother). Mom is the one that suggested it as we both know what the retaliation towards me would be.

Mother once again says…”Don’t say anything. Your just going to start trouble!”

Why is it that I AM STARTING trouble? I have never started trouble. I’ve just been open and honest. But, trouble always comes and I do turn out to be the BAD GUY to a lot of people. All because I don’t go blabbing my mouth from person to person. (Sure I’m blabbing here…but, if you know who and what I am actually talking about then stand up! Yep-that’s what I thought! 99.99% of you stayed sitting.)

So, I’m asking you…my internet friends. What do I do? I’ve thought of something anonymous, but fear it will still come back to me. Do I just leave it well enough alone and hope this was the one and only time this teen will use?

There is part of me that REALLY DOESN”T CARE of the replications, as it’s helping someone I do care about. But, it’s also going to hurt my mother as I would bet my life on it she would get “beat up” by others for me saying what I heard. AND yes, no one would come to me. My mother would once again become a major wreck and perhaps again be drawn to tears as these other people yell at her for something I did. (Out of good faith!)

I’m not worried about what is said behind my back, wish they had the guts to come to me. It’s so juvenille.  I don’t care what these people think of me. But, I do care about my mother getting hurt AGAIN and perhaps Elijah too!

Help…….

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Home Modification…My ASS!

April 14, 2009 · Filed under Blind, Elijah, Ranting, fustration, venting, visually impaired, whining, work

Right now I so want to announce my employers name. I want to let everyone know who the B@stards are that are denying my son a CCTV. An assistive technology device that will allow him to read his textbooks, a comic, or even the directions on making mac and cheese without straining his eyes. A device that will make up for his vision loss. A device that can only help him and benefit him.

I called my insurance company yesterday, as it marked the 30th day my claim was in the review process. The lady was typing my denial form up when I called. My insurance is employer provided so they make the “big” decisions. It is my employer that denied my claim!  The reason…

“A*****s is not making any home modifications at this time.”

I sent them the necessary information supporting a CCTV as a durable medical equipment and a prosthetic device, so they couldn’t turn me down in those areas. But, gee look at that…they found a new reason to turn me down.

I am so PISSED! I so want to go off on all the stupid ass awards they pay for. All the unnecessary advertising  they hang up through the community about how awesome of a place they are. I so want to tell all about the awful things as an employee I see. I would just love to spread the name of the business or person that is denying a blind child a better life.

I emailed an attorney out of New Mexico that has fought for CCTV funding from insurance companies. He replied right away with, “a CCTV is NOT a home modification.” He gave me some more ideas to look into and stated that I may be able to appeal my insurance company as well.

Through a parent advocate class I was taking on having special needs children  have the support of a few organizations. I am currently working with a resource specialist that is getting ready to assist me with the appeal.

I can only look at this as being…

ONE STEP CLOSER!!!

Elijah will get a CCTV. I’m not stopping this time.

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GRRR! I’m on Fire!

September 29, 2008 · Filed under Family, Ranting, fustration, venting, whining

Why is it that one phone call can get me so irritated. This phone call coming from one of my sisters, K. A sister who hasn’t called me in, oh my, I don’t even know how long.

The phone call was her attempt in making me feel guilty about a couple of things, but all she managed to do was get smoke out of my ears. She happened to call me when I was in a store. I maintained myself and just sat on the phoned shocked at what she was even saying. After I hung up I felt like hitting a brick wall.

Here’s the deal. My Uncle and Aunt are having their 50th Wedding Anniversary. The celebration is this Saturday. I’d love to go. But I can’t, I’m working. I need atleast two months notice to take a vacation day. When they first started talking about the anniversary it was just going to be small and I wouldn’t have been invited anyways, so no need to take a vacation day. Well, things changed and they decided on inviting the nieces and nephews after all. I wrote my request for switching hours. There are only two other girls that work my position, they couldn’t or didn’t want to switch. They don’t have too, so I have to work.

I work weekend only by my choice. It gives me more time with my boys overall. Getting paid more is also an added bonus. With that, I have also chosen to miss events that happen on the weekends. Except it people, I won’t make everything!

K had a “solution”, she always does. As long as it makes her look like the hero, she’s game. Well, I should goto this party after work. I only need to go for a “half hour”. I should feel “obligated to go” because uncle and aunt “always send us birthday cards” and a “50th Anniversary doesn’t happen too often now a days”.

She proceeded to tell me that she is out of state in Nebraska and leaving her event early Saturday morning to drive home just to make it. Good for her. I glad she has found a way to make it!

I explained that I have my substitute sitter watching the boys that weekend and she can’t watch them any longer because she is also working Saturday night, night shift, and does need a nap before going in. Kids are not invited. Oh K had the solution once again. “Can’t Andrew babysit!” Sorry, Andrew is working until 10. Well, then she added “Her girls were available. They are 15, 21ish and 24ish. Oh, I soooo would not ask them to babysit.

If I paid them $5 less than what K thought I should, believe me the whole family would hear a dramatized story. I can hear it now…Her daughter(s) were kind enough to make sure I could make it to the party to watch my boys. Without them I had no other way to go. And then they only got X amount of pay when they should have received XY amount. Let’s not forget that I am already forking out an EXTRA $100 for my substitute sitter.

I’m realistic here, maybe because I’m the one that would have to “live” the schedule that I would be on just to go to the party.

Saturday Oct. 4th

5:30 am- rise and shine! Time for a 12hr shift!

7:00pm- done with work. IF I’m lucky enough not to have to stay after because of an admit or a code. (Although, who cares if I’m needed to help save someones live…I’ve got a party to go to!) Sense the sarcasm!

7:15pm – arrive at sitters. Hope the boys are all packed up and ready to head over to another sitters house. Don’t worry about a 22 month old not seeing his mommy all day or a 9 year old that has alot to talk about, we gotta go! They need to get to another sitter’s house and I need to get to a party.

7:30pm – Hopefully we are at the next sitter’s place by this time. Now, I get to deal with the agony of saying good-bye to PooWee. I know he isn’t going to like it. Basically, he wants to be at home, nursing and going to sleep. (WAIT that’s right! I shouldntbe nursing him anyways…”he’s almost 2 years old already!”)

8:00pm-(doubt it!) At home changing from work uniform into dress-up clothes.

8:30pm – leave home for my “about 20 minute” drive. (K thinks this is the length of time.)

8:50pm – Arrive at party. I only have to stay 30 minutes!

9:20pm – I get to leave.

9:40pm – picking up the boys from the sitters. (Haven’t I already been through this?) I’m sure PooWee will be alot of fun…it’s only well over an hour past his bedtime.

10:00pm – am I finally home? Gee what do I d first. Try to put the overtired baby to sleep. He’s probably on his second wind and isn’t thinking about dreamland what-so-ever. Do I start unpacking from the day and repacking for Sunday? Do I finally get myself some supper? Do I make sure the animals are all feed or can they go for one day without food? How well is Elijah going to cope with no attention as well?

I think my bedtime will be midnight, if I’m lucky. Fine, if I didn’t have to get up and work another 12 hour shift on Sunday. Boys will be over joyed to get up at 5am after getting to bed super late. But, hey I don’t have to deal with them the following day, the sitter does. WAIT! K doesn’t have to put up with them either!

I know this is something she would not have done when her kids were younger, so why is she telling me to do it?! My theory…she wants the credit for getting me to the party. Me and everyone else she was calling who weren’t going to make it. Uncle and Auntie were round and round about who was all invited, then invites went out and there are quite a few of us that can’t make it. We should feel guilty about it?! I’m sad I can’t make it. I will be sending them my regrets with their Anniversary card.

Makes me wonder why she felt the need to call me for this, but never called me to tell me that the family reunion was on this year and where it was.

But this isn’t all she had to say to me. Oh no…there’s more! I’m not going to elaborate on the next issue too much as I don’t want to hurt someones feelings. (She reads the blog.) Lets just say that B bought something for Mom, agreed to pay for additional expenses and for some reason isn’t liking paying these expenses anymore.

Well, K feels I should take on these expenses because, “Mom has your kids.” WHAT?! Did I have anything to do with this agreement from the beginning? NO! I was NO WHERE IN SIGHT! Mom and I have our own arrangements. I DO pay Mom for what she does for me, I DO appreciate what she does for me and I owe NOTHING towards B and Mom’s agreement.

K says this agreement is getting in the way of Mom and B’s relationship. AGAIN explain to me why I’m involved? Because she watches my boys?

She mentioned B has no clue of her asking me this. I think she was out of line in asking me this. I will be talking to B about this and explaining my position. I’m sorry feels she can’t go on with this arrangement with Mom, but I’m not going to pick it up. Number 1, I can’t afford it! I’m sad it has come between her and Mom, but it’s not my responsibility to pick up the pieces. I can’t!

I find that K has a much better relationship with B than with Mom. So, she finds making B happy to be her objective. And to be the hero in this difficult situation would just make her shine!

K feel free NOT to call me with anymore of your requests! I’ve had enough of them for quite awhile!

I wrote her a letter pretty much the same as this post. I would have called her, but felt my tone would be more appropriate in writing. I’m positive there will be so many more negative things said about me now. Honestly, I don’t care.

For example: Her daughter once made a bad choice and walked (intentionally) out of my house with Andrew’s sweatshirt. Andrew’s friend saw her carrying it outside as well.  I called her that night and asked her to bring the sweatshirt to school to Andrew the following day. She denied the whole thing. I explained that we all make mistakes and all will be forgotten when she made the right choice. I spoke with K about it as well.

Well, my niece went on with her lie for quite a few months. In this time I spoke to Mom about this situation and that was it. K on the other hand told EVERYONE I was accusing her daughter of stealing from me. People went off, I mean yelling at MOM for all this, YELLING at ELIJAH for all this. But not one person came to me. My mom never even started the conversation about the sweatshirt, they just felt she needed to hear what they had to say! (Yeah, this is my family! – Sad I know!)

Funny thing is the guilt took over my niece. She called Andrew up one day, returned the sweatshirt and offered to give him $50 for it, but he refused the money. My niece grew…she learnt from her mistake and took the responsibility in fixing it. I don’t hold a grudge against her.

But, I do hold a bit of a grudge against K. As NO ONE was told that the situation was that her daughter had stolen from me. NO ONE apologized to MOM or ELIJAH for yelling at them about what I said her daughter did.

If anybody is wondering why I choose to separate myself from alot of family involvement these are the reasons why. I find my family to be very “clicky”. Reminds me of high school hallways. Not everyone is this way, but it only takes a few to make a statement.

I can’t wiat til the day I move ou of this city and leave all this and more negativity behind!

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A Quick Vent! And Plea for HELP!!!

August 16, 2008 · Filed under Blind, Elijah, Ranting, church, fustration, religion, venting, visually impaired, whining

GGRRRRR!!! I have been searching…and searching…and SEARCHING for a LARGE PRINT Bible for Elijah! I can find all the braille Bibles in the world… but a large print one, HA!! Many say large print, but he needs about an 18pt font and most aren’t. Plus I’d like to get it as close to the one he received from church. Which is a New Revised Standard Version, adding that just makes this search a whole lot funner!

I did find one that I thought would work. Well…the $117.00 price drove me to search further!

ANYONE…SOMEONE…HELP!!! Sunday School is about to begin and I don’t want Elijah to struggle like last year! His Bible is not appropriate for him, not even with his magnify glass!

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Evaluation Time

April 1, 2008 · Filed under PooWee, Ranting, adoption, fustration, life, me, venting, whining, work

It’s that time of year again, for our work evaluations. My portfolio was due yesterday. I finished it up last minute… of course. My eval is next Tuesday. I do fairly well. I’ve gotten the top raise (which sucks) for years. This year though, I am nervous about my evaluation.

Each year a group of co-workers is formed, known as the Peer Evaluation Committee. Obviously, they critique each employee on the unit. I got the usual comments on being accurate and knowledgeable at my job. I’m a great resource for the RNs with the computer. I’m a preceptor and I am a member of  hospital committees.

However, on the section of where I need to grow the following statement read. There is a need to leave personal life out of work enviroment. GRRR! I DID NOT BRING MY PERSONAL LIFE TO WORK!!! MY PERSONAL LIFE WAS BROUGHT TO ME AT WORK!!! I took this comment to my supervisor and director. Both told me that IF it was about the adoption it would be taken out of my eval, because it had no right to be in there and the group had no right discussing it. My director said that I need to look at all the positive comments about me and remember that this comment is minor. They suggested I go to the Peer Eval group and ask for a more explained response.

I found out who was all in the group. Many responded back that they were not there when my job was evaluated. From what I can figure out all that were there when they did me, I DON’T EVEN WORK WITH!! They work night shift. I did FINALLY get a response from the head of the committee. It reads as follows…

“The peer evaluation process is to focus on what is best for the patient. The goal is to help every individual be the best they can clinically, and also how they best present themselves to others in helping create a healthy work environment. Strengths and opportunites for growth were identified.”

I fully understand this and agree with it.

I do not have a copy of your evaluation as only you and De and Di have this. The evaluation group did not keep a copy. Therefore, I do not recall the exact wording of the comment you are referring to. If I recall correctly, you felt the comment was too personal. I believe we stated that personal problems should be best left at home. Some of your co-workers were uncomfortable working with you at times because there was a tension evident between you and other co-workers. They felt this affected the way the team was able to function positively in the best interest of the patients. Therefore the potential for growth is to ask yourself if your personal life is affecting your work environment.

 I came to you (head of the commitee) and only asked for further information on the comment. I did not say anything about taking it personal. I have to say, YES my personal life has affected me at work. However, I will stand strong on saying that I DID NOT bring it to work. At the end of this email I will list my reasons to back my belief.

This is not a pesonal attack but an opportunity for self reflection and improvement as this is what your co-workers have observed. All of us have a personal life and a work life and we all need to be able to separate the two. At AWH our focus is on the patient. I hope this clarifies your concerns.”

I understand this, but believe that I am being wrongfully accused. The following may provide you with more insight on how I’ve been treated at work.

 I stand strong when I say I did not bring my personal life to work. I however, will say my personal life was brought to me at work. I have to admit I find it somewhat humorous the we just can’t come straight out and say some of my co-workers can’t stand me. Why? Because I decided to parent my son. That’s the whole issue and we all know it. It has NOTHING to do with my work ethics or my performance. They can’t stand to be around me because I didn’t make a personal decision that they wanted me to. I feel the way these particular people have treated me, has brought my personal life to work and this comment on my Peer Eval only proves it.I come to work to do my job. When I returned I knew there would be difficult people. I came back with a strong set of mind, being proud of my decision and to do my job. I do not treat these people any different than my other co-workers, other than not having “small talk” with them.I have created the following list to support my strong belief that I did not bring my personal life to work.

-Everytime I work with C, I need to record the time I confront her with a phone call, a question that she needs to get back to me with, or a form that she needs to get filled out and returned to me. This takes me away from my work. It holds me up from completing my tasks as a Unit Clerk. Sometimes, holding my work up for hours. It interrupts any task I may be working on at the time. I strongly feel this is not looking out for the best interest of the patient. -I acknowledge them when they speak to me. I won’t let their anger interfere with my duties. I don’t get the same in return.  Often I am unaware if they heard me. If they are having a personal conversation and I need to address them about a work issue, I will often have to wait and then get a rude look for interrupting them. This too is not in the best interest of our patients.

-I once held a door open for one of them. I didn’t necessarily do it because I wanted to, but because she needed me to. I wasn’t returned with a “Thank you” instead I got an evil look.

-I have never been pulled into the office because I have treated them disrespectfully. However, I can not say the same for them.

-I have gone above my job duties and taken personal messages for them when they were not currently working on the unit. These messages were either placed in their mailboxes or transferred to the pager they were on. Whereas, I could have simply said, “I’m sorry they are not working at this time, please call back.”

-There was once an issue with S and another co-worker. I witnessed S being very rude to her husband on the phone. When this co-worker asked me about it I verified it and said I would speak with our supervisor or director to confirm it, if she needed me to. Well, this co-worker approached S and as soon as she said I heard it, S blew up at me. She had no concerns about the initial subject, she now had a reason to throw some nasty words at me. I will admit I should have walked away, however, my initial reaction was to protect myself from her slamming me.

-An email concerning J & P’s twin boys was thrown up on my desk for me to see when I returned from lunch one day. Knowing my relationship with J & P is very emotional for me, I find this to be quite harassing. Here too, I should have tried to brush it off and walk away. Instead, this particular day I had had enough and broke down and cried. I had some great support from other co-workers on the unit.

-There have been numerous of times that I walk past two of them talking and they will blurt out a comment about me, my son, J & P, or the twins they have adopted.

-At times when I go to Starbuck’s I am treated rudely if a certain volunteer is working. She’ll make me stand there for some time and never acknowledge me when getting my order.

-When I go up to Human Resources I get greeted rudely. Instead of saying, “Hello, how can I help you?” I barley get looked at and all that is said is “Yeah?”

-As a Unit Clerk working on an Organ Donation patient, communication between the clerk and the RN is greatly needed. This was very difficult because the RN was not relaying when to do lab draws, what needed to be faxed, nor was she taking the phone calls from the OPO. I had to continually get up from my work to remind her of the calls. I found it best to talk with the OPO on where we stood with all the faxing and lab draws.

-When I came back De (director of ICU) told me straight out I would have to watch my back for these few people. She knew they would be just waiting for me to make an error.She was right, I was questioned (rudely) about the orders I entered. Majority of the time there was no error on my part. However, I am only human and I may have made a mistake. Which I would correct promptly. It is very nerve racking for me to do the orders on their patient’s in fear of having to deal with their anger.

-The above proves true again when I was told by another, “I swear S just watches you. Everytime you step out she yells, “Now where is Rhonda?” Whether I step out to go to another unit, to go to the breakroom or the bathroom. I guess she especially gets upset when I go to pump.

-Other co-workers warned me that these people were going to try their best to get me out of the unit. This only gave me more strength to stay. I came back with the attitude, “kill them with kindness” which was recommended to me by my counsellor.

- There is a particular RT (Respiratory Therapist) that is related to P that is also out to “get me”. I was once contacted by her supervisor for not giving her an order, according to her. Well, fortunately for me the patient’s RN saw me take the chart to her, hand her a sticky note about the order and saw the order placed in the computer. I did three separate things with this order to protect myself from her “getting me”. I would have only had to place the order in the computer. It’s time consuming for me to continually “protect” my work.

-One Saturday my sitter called, she came down with the stomach flu and I needed to get the boys. I told the shift leader (of course being one of these particular people) that I would make some phone calls, but may need to get my boys and take them else where. She went off on me to find a replacement, to call people at home and other units. I told her I just need to wait for someone to call me back. She continually yelled at me to find someone to cover for me. there was NO reason to find coverage, I was there WORKING. In the end nothing needed to be done as my mom went and got my boys and took them to my substitute sitter’s home. However, her attitude towards me was mean and this was witnessed by those around me.

-Someone on the unit likes giving my son gifts. She’s very proud of me for choosing to parent. However, she has asked not to let others know that she gives them to me in fear of being treated the way I do by these people. This somewhat bothers me, yet I wouldn’t wish this treatment on anyone, so I do understand her request.

-I have taken many issues to De (director) and Di (supervisor) but in the end I feel like a big tattle tail. It gets tiring going in about the same things over and over again. And it appeared to me that nothing was happening anyways, so why continue?

Actually, one time S straight out lied in the office. Di found this out minutes after the meeting. De was informed the following day by me. What happened? Please look up the policy for directly lieing to your superior.

Another time the Hospital House Supervisor was involved. Policy would be for her to write up the incident and De should have gotten this report. House Super did nothing.

I’d like to know why the hospital isn’t following thier own policies to protect me from this sort of treatment. My theory, these disrespectful employees have been there for years and years, their jobs are higher rank then mine so… I’m just out of luck.

Unfortunately my list could go on. I feel you may get my point from what I have given you.

Yes, after three 12 hour shifts with these people, I can become emotionally run down. There’s nothing more I want to do than to run home and hold my son in my arms and cry. My son is one of three greatest gifts I have and being able to hold him gives me the strength to face these people.

If only one of these people are working, I find they are not bad. However, put two or more together and I am in for a bad weekend.

I stay here only because I will show how proud of my decision to parent my son. I’m so thankful I came to the realization I could do it, before it was too late. I will not let these people drive me out of my job. I feel I am good at my job and will only work to try and improve myself at it.

I was asked by De to have some witnesses talk with her. I do not like the idea of getting others involved. Two of them told me they would not like to say anything, in fear of being treated harshly by S. S is very harsh, we all know there have been plenty conflicts with her attitude and other employees. I do not wish to put anyone under the same position I am in.

To be honest, I have been told by different sources to seek further action. It is believed I am working under a harassing and hostile work environment. I’m not out to get anyone though. I just want to come to work, do my job and go home to my boys. Besides, it would do no good. It would not get these people to understand that I did nothing wrong. I made a decision that I had 100% right to do. It would not change their prospective of my story.

In ending my reply, I’d like to ask the Peer Evaluation Commitee a few more questions. A reply back is not needed as I know the answer is none of my business. On these particular co-workers evaluation did you comment on leaving other co-workers personal lives out of work? Did you ask them to improve their customer service to internal co-workers? Did you tell them you felt it was hard to work with them as a team because of the tension with me?

On a more personal note, I once had a conversation with De about how my co-workers shun my son and how it hurts. Any other mother can bring their child on to the unit and the child gets uh’d and ah’d upon. But my son, many simple pretend I’m not there. Yes, even those that treat me with respect at work. De said it was probably because these co-workers don’t know how to react. I’d like to mention, that he’s a baby…you make silly noises and faces and he’ll think you are the greatest thing in the world. Just because I didn’t relinquish him for adoption doesn’t mean he’s not like any other kid. Or how about all new mothers getting a potluck. Why wasn’t my son celebrated as the rest? It would have been nice to have those that didn’t judge my decision to join together for a lunch.

There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about the adoption. All I can do is grow and learn from it. I just wish others would do the same.

Well, there you have it!

I’m thinking my evaluation may just be focused on this particular area… or not at all. I’m not too sure how my director and supervisor will react to me confronting the fact that nothing has been done about these people. Especially the part where I say I could seek further action.

Part of me wishes I could “discipline” them. I would tell them they need to turn in an indepth report on adoption. I would like to see them interview prospective adoptive parents, adoptive parents, expectant mothers considering adoption, birth/firstmothers, mothers that in the end like me decided to change their mind and adoptees. I just want these ignorant people to learn and grow too. I’m sure it would do no good, but at least it I would have tried.

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