Archive for PooWee

Dilemma(s)

October 29, 2009 · Filed under Andrew, Elijah, Family, G-ma Marcy, My Boys, PooWee, Ranting, fustration, life, me, venting, whining, work

What’s my dilemma? Work! Work-smork-bork!

I’ve got to figure out what I’m going to do with my work schedule and soon.

Here’s the deal, my sitter has quite babysitting on Sundays. Andrew has been watching them every other Sunday and my mom the other. PooWee’s dad gets him every other Sunday afternoon until I get done with work. This is usually the Sunday Grandma has the boys.

Grandma is headed to Arizona for about 2 months in a few weeks. Andrew works the Sunday that he doesn’t get the boys. He also doesn’t commit to sitting until the Saturday before.

I’ve called way to many sitters to count. Either they have no openings or they don’t sit on Sundays. I do have one more number to call, however she is a 20 min drive the opposite direction. Last resort!

I also need to find someone/thing for Eli on Fridays. He needs to be taken to school and pick up and dealt with until I’m done with work. There is after school childcare, they won’t commit to just taking him on “just Fridays” until 2 weeks prior to the date I need them. What if they are full?

My current sitter keeps the boys until 1 hr prior to me being done at work. During the summer she agreed to keeping them longer. I’m worried she may not feel that way now, seeing she is already cutting her hours of sitting.

I need to work 24 hours of a weekend to maintain my extra pay as weekend only. Which is a large amount per hour.

I could….

1-Cut my hours from 36 to 24. Perhaps by not working Sundays. But still stuck with Eli’s situation on Fridays.

2-Go off of weekend only. Would have to work a day and a pm shift. Plus work every third weekend. New babysitter issues open up there. Not to mention that I despise the thought of my kids not being in their own beds at night.

Looks like no matter what I do I will be decreasing my budget dramatically. I will have the money that I pay my mother for sitting, but that doesn’t compare to the loss in wages.

I also work any and all holidays that fall on a weekend. Sure, this is nice for a few years, but starting this year it’s not that nice. I have to work Christmas and New Years day.

PooWee will go by his dad on Christmas day. I’m doubting they will take him as early as I would need them too though. Here too, he says, “we’ll talk when it gets closer.”

My heart breaks for Eli. As Eli really has no one. My niece did send the message through Grandma that she would take him if I didn’t find anything else. AWESOME offer, just feel that Eli may be uncomfortable. She’s the only person he would know as she will be with her “other” side of her family. I’ve threatened my mother that I was going to fly him to Arizona for Christmas! (She can’t get away that easy!) LOL

Andrew was more than willing to hang with Elijah until he got word that he too has to work.

I’m crossing my fingers that one girl at work will switch Thanksgiving for Christmas. Unfortunately, she is on Family Medical Leave for an undetermined amount of time.

It doesn’t look like Motrin will be taken out of my diet for a while. I’m sick of the headaches! SERIOUSLY, why does my head have to keep reminding me of everything going on?

I’m ready to say, “Screw it all! Watch out Coco here we come!!!” :) LOL!

Another thought was to look into dropping the hours and look at going to school again.

I guess only time will tell!

Leave a comment »

I Can’t Take ANYMORE

October 10, 2009 · Filed under Andrew, Blind, Elijah, Family, My Boys, Parenting, PooWee, Ranting, fustration, life, me, venting, visually impaired, whining

I’m stressed out! Like so stressed all I want to do is cry, yet I’m too angry to cry or the tears just won’t come, or I don’t have time to cry.

At work on Friday, it was time for lunch…I realized I hadn’t eaten since Wednesday evening. Thursday was so full of events and drama, I fed the kids and never fed myself.

Andrew and his father got into “it” big time and his father pretty much kicked him out. I’m actually surprised he managed to hang out there as long as he did. He is staying with friends right now and is looking for his own place.

He wasn’t prepared to move out, so I’ve hit the bank account to help him out. I think I bought him more groceries than I gave us at home. Perhaps he’ll make a supper or two for us. :)

PooWee is looking at PreK in December. :( I’m not overjoyed about it. As I don’t think kids need school at the age of three. I can teach him what he needs to know. I figured I’d homeschool him as I did the other two. They both turned out to be above grade level when they did enter school. Their social interactions were just fine too.

However, he’ll be too old for  the Birth to 3 program for speech therapy and will need to go to school for therapy. I don’t have all the details yet. Technically, it’s not even official. His current speech therapist said I should be getting information soon to set up the IEP process. (Oh the IEP!) I’m glad this time around I know what IEP even stands for. I know what to expect and how it “all” works. Just instead of vision, I’m dealing with speech. More to learn there though.

He’s missing his last sylable of most of his words, and missing majority of his vowel sounds. Yes, he talks backwards Polish. (No offense to the Polish! :)   ) He’ll tell you a story. His sweet lil face as serious as can be. It’s so hard to look at him and say, “Honey, I don’t know what your saying. I’m sorry!”  You can often get the jits of wht he’s saying, but I just really want to know all that he has to say.

There is a guilt within me that I passed this on to him. I pray he doesn’t go through all the teasing I did in early grade school. Actually, if he does my heart tells me he is a stronger lil guy than I was and can handle more than I did. If not watch out teasers because he’s got a mean punch in him. :)

Life with Eli has brought more than I think I can handle sometimes. It feels like everytime I turn around something new is hitting me in the face.

I’m not even sure where I begin. I’m even sort of sick of talking about everything that is racking up on us. I feel overwelmed just thinking about typing it all out.

Let’s start with school. UGH! I wish I could just pull him out and give him the education I feel he deserves. One that he will thrive in, learn at his own pace and will challenge him.

New year, new teacher, more difficulties!

For the past year Eli has been having “issues” with two particular boys at school. (We’ll call them BoyA and BoyB)

BoyA and Eli use to be friends. Then Eli told BoyA he didn’t want to be his friends because he didn’t like the way he treated him or other kids. Eli chose to hang with his current two best friends. Whom have a “bad” reputation at school. Now last year I was concerned about these new friends because of what the school and parents have all told me. And because of a a few factors that I knew of with one of the boys’ families. However I stand here (or sit really) and say I WAS WRONG! I would much rather my son be friends with these two boys verses his old friend, BoyA.

If I were to ask a teacher about BoyA and they could tell me what they thought, this is what I believe they would say.

 -”He’s the star student. Advanced in all his subjects, gets his homework completed, participates in class, and is an example to the other students. He attends leadership courses. He is involved in sports.

BoyA has a tendency to degrade the Eli. He’s better at everything and anything imaginable than the Eli, so this is what he tells him. BoyA had so much control and authority he tells Eli what postition he’s going to make his dad put Eli in for football.

BoyA likes to do physical stuff to Eli. Like bumping into him as he passed him. If Eli returns the gesture BoyA screams, “OUCH knock it off Eli.” Of course this gets the teachers attention. BoyA is sucessful at getting Eli in trouble.

BoyB is tends to be BoyA’a “tag along”, but he’s more of the physical bully. Pushing, hitting, tripping all that jazz.

Eli and his two friends DON’T TELL, that is their biggest fault. I’ve told Eli, if your not going to tell then you will be the one in trouble.

Most of the above happened last year. This year I, myself have WITNESSED much of BoyA’s “activities”. I have spoken with his father and mother only to find out that BoyA tells them a completely different story as to wait I witnessed. Of course, their child is sweet and innocent and I’m the one with the bully child.

Now I’m not saying Eli is completely innocent. Ask him, he will tell you when he does something wrong. But, I will tell you he doesn’t lie. I believe him with all my heart. Throughout these past few weeks I have questioned his truth, but then I am confirmed by others that he is being truthful.

In the last few weeks I have witnessed BoyA (at football) scream demands at Eli and his friends. I was in complete shock. I  so should have said, “Who in the hell are you to tell them what to do?” instead I turned away and his dad (assistant coach) told him to calm down. Then BoyA went over to Eli and hit him with his chest (as if to start a physical fight)as Eli was standing line and BoyA should have been on the other end of the field. Of course BoyA’s parents believe that Eli pushed him on his shoulder because that’s what he told them.

Upon leaving football BoyA was degrading Eli and his friends because they were talking about Reading Buddies. BoyA thought it was appropriate to inform them how much better he is at reading then them and how they suck. Two of us parents told them to calm down and stop. Everyone did except BoyA. BoyA continued on, but only to change the subject to how bad of a center Eli is and that he will no longer be “his” center. (BoyA of course plays quarterback. Personally, I think it’s only because Daddy is assistant coach. Actually, I should say WAS an assistant coach as he hasn’t been to any more games or practices since the time he was screaming at the kids so badly. – AH-we have a connection here, don’t we?!

Well, to continue on with the drama. BoyB decided to grab Eli’s leg as he was getting up from the floor to change positions. Eli fell forward, got up and pushed him back. Now, I’m not saying what Eli did was right, BUT I understand why he did. He is fed up with the….BULLSHIT!

Eli (and BoyB) get sent to the principals office. (I’m not aware of BoyB’s punishment or what the principal all had to say to him.) Eli had to watch a video on be a bully. The principal told him he was a “gang faultality, he should stick up for his friends, can’t continue only hang out with his two best friends, etc. I did have a lil talk with the principal. She will no longer be talking to my son without me present or atleast on the phone.

And of course principal feels Eli is “insecure with is visual impairment” and that is why he is behaving this way. So, she calls an IEP meeting.

Which is no longer an IEP, but will be a meeting to go over Eli so everyone is on the right path. Right path? – Well, you see Eli’s classroom teacher feels he’s not using his technology enough. She thinks his video magnifier should be used to view the TV when they are watching a video. (It soean’t work for that.) He is out of luck and just has to listen to the video. (But of course is expected to get as much information from it as the other students.)

She also feels he needs to start moving closer to the board when she is working on it or she is using the overhead. Eli’s response, “Why should I when I can’t see it anyways.” Very understandable. But now I ask, why does he have to “just listen” when there is technology out there that will allow him to also SEE what the other students are seeing.  He’s expected to learn the same amount they do, but with less visual intake.

So all this must of course mean there is something “up” with his behavior. So, now they are requesting a behavior assessment. Which at this point I have said NO to. Oh, they also asked for records from his therapist. Funny, how the school loves to dig deeper than they need to.

I let it all out on his vision teacher, K. (Again SORRY K!) Why is it that I have been asking and asking about his reading for nearly two years now. I also seem to get a “keep her happy” answer. But when the school says, “WWAAAA!” action is taken immediately?! At the end of last year his teacher told us he NEEDS to read atleast 15 minutes a day or he would start to fall behind. Now, someone please tell me how in two years the school could let a Gifted and Talented reader fall to “almost behind.” I am insisting on a reading evaluation, a straight answer and I don’t want to hear SHIT about his fluency. I don’t care if he reads at a 1st grade speed! I want to know how he is comprehending. And if he has fallen that much, how they are going to rectify this situation.

I will NOT sign a release for his therapy records. As our therapist stated, alot of what we talk about in therapy is NONE OF SCHOOLS BUSINESS. But, he has agreed to verbally talk to them, if they wish and I agree. He will only tell them things he feels will assist with school. But, I will be sure to remind them, THEY will pay for his time… NOT ME!

I’ve tried for over a year to get the school to recognize that Eli and his friends are not always the one’s starting trouble. That they often are the victims of bullying and degrading comments. They don’t believe their prize student (BoyA) could be doing such stuff and blow me off. Without Eli and his friends telling it’s hard. Plus the fact that they often don’t get the chance to tell their side of the story, or choose to just take the consequences verses sticking up for themselves, doesn’t make it easy for me to get the info through. Truthfully, I don’t think that the school would believe my boy anyways.

Well, I’m letting the school know. I am now becoming the tattle tail and I will become the pain in their butt until they start looking in to every and any situation I tell them about.

BoyA’s parents are good friends with (new one!) BoyC. BoyC is now accusing Eli of smashing him in the helmet with his head and hurting him , where he was crying all night long after football practice the other night. (BoyA’s mother is the one that informed me of this.) BoyC’s parents have yet to say a thing about it to me, or the coach. When I confronted Eli, he was completely clueless to what I was talking about. He didn’t do anything to BoyC. But, of course he is being blamed.

Other things these parent sare blaming Eli (and his two friends) for are…constantly fooling around during practice, making the team having to run more, hurting all their co-players, causing BoyB to quite the team because they teased him too much. (Oh yeah BoyB – his parents are friends with BoyA and BoyC too.- HHMMM another connection)

Per football coach (whom I have spoken with and they have not) Eli does NOT cause the team to run extra, he does not feel Eli would intentionally hit BoyC. He likes Eli and said that he is a very good player. He’s tuff and can stand his ground and more.

Eli is 105 pounds and short. He is the only one on the team that can consistently take down the biggest guy, who is 140 pounds and about a foot and a half taller tham Eli. You will often hear the coach telling the team that how much Eli is getting through the line. “Hey, somebody hold Eli back would ya? Don’t let Eli through, get him down this time!”

BoyA’s father use to (before his yelling got him kicked out of coaching) coach the defensive players. I never heard him say, “Wow good job Eli.” Instead it was, “Come on Eli you know how to do it!” (Gee-another connection to BoyA’s degrading remarks to my son.) 

But holy man like light and day once the main coach took over teaching defense, my E-man is a STAR! The coach is very impressed with him.

At practice you can feel the tention each and everytime Eli breaks through the offensive line and tackles BoyA to the ground before he gets the chance to even see where to throw the ball. BoyA will cry and scream at Eli, because you know…Eli did SOMETHING wrong. BoyA has cries every practice, he yells at everyone that knocks him down. 

BoyA, BoyC and two other sets of parents like to hang out and talk about Eli and his two friends. They make it very well known. I think they are worse than the kids.

 

Thursday nights practice has been haunting every since. 

Towards they end of practices the boys get to play a game the coach calls Deer and Wolves. Wolves need to tackle all the Deer to the ground.

Eli was laying low during practice this day as he hurt his back during school. (Not pertaining to his disk that was slipping. That has been stable for over a year. Which is why he was cleared to join football by his spine doctor.) The coach knew this and reminded the boys all practice to be a bit more careful with Eli because he had hit his back earlier in the day.

Back to Deer and Wolf. Again Eli was a Wolf, he wore the blue cap on his helmet,he was to tackle the other kids  who did not have a blue cap on, the Deer. Eli was towards the outside trying to find a Deer. Being dark he can’t see doo doos, but if one were to go right in front of him, he’d get them.

Out of the blue this DEER runs in and tackles Eli onthe right side, Eli flies off the ground and slams down on his back. I saw it all. I run out there, yell for the game to stop, look up at the father of the kid that hit him, (Eli laid right in front of him) and asked him for help.

He looked at me. I heard him tell his kid he wasn’t suppose to hit him so hard, and HE WALKED AWAY! Where did he walk to you ask? He walked over to BoyA’s father, BoyC’s mother and laughed with them! I overhear BoyC’s mother say VERY LOUDLY, (she wanted us to hear) “Well, atleast one of our kids didn’t get injured tonight!” Now, I also have to mention that BoyA’s father is an EMT. Yet, he didn’t move an inch towards Eli. Who by the way was screaming, his right leg was tingly and numb and he was holding his back.

One of the coaches did make it over. Eli got to his feet and limped his way to the car. I had his spinal doctor paged. Waited over an hour for his page. Without a response I took Eli to the ER. The doctor managed to look at Eli a whole two minutes, proceeded to tell me it was a muscle injury. I stressed the FACT that he had a bad disk right where the pain was. But nothing worked and he pretty much walked out on me.

I paged his spinal doctor AGAIN, I was so uncomfortable with Eli’s state and wanted his disk looked at. Spinal doctor’s reply, “What do you want me to do about it tonight. Come to the office on Tuesday.”

So, Eli is back on his crutches as he was way in the beginning (almost two years ago) with his back pain. He can’t walk very well without them without alot of pain. He’s surviving on over the counter pain medication every 6hrs. Though he could use some sooner.

He wanted to go to school on Friday against my wishes. He did well. He had to endure BoyC laughing at him and making comments to his friends. He had to hear from other firends how BoyA explained how Eli was crying when it happened.

FUROSIOUS MOTHER that I have turned into immediately emailed the teacher about these boys. The teacher forwarded the email to the principal. Who called my cell phone (even thought the teacher knew I was at work) telling me that we have a problem because BoyA wasn’t in school all day. He was at leadership. (HA-what a leader!) Clarified with Eli and BoyA returned during Math class. Called and left voice mail to principal about clarification and sternly stated I AM DONE WITH THIS BOYS ACTIONS. I will be reporting everything and if it happens during school I will expect them to investigate the situation.

I’m not playing nice anymore. Nice has gotten me no where. Now, I’m pissed and the pissed off Rhonda will not be happy until these situations come to an end.

I’ve had several conversations with the football coach who too is very concerned and distaught at what took place. He too sees the personality I see with BoyA. BoyA is smart though, I’ll give him that. He plays the good game when the teachers are around. Coach is very concerned about Eli.

My fear…that on Tues we will find out that Eli’s disk has slipped more. I think even if Eli didn’t have a bad disk, he would have been severly injured with as hard as this kid hit him. We had been told that if his disk slipped any further, he would need surgery. I feel so very sad for Eli. As he loves football, and HE’S GOOD AT IT! Plus it’s one out of how many sports that he WILL be able to continue playing for his school years with his blindness. Now, if he needs surgery on his back, will he ever play again. Will surgery be the “fix all” and he can return to playing next year? Eli also heard the parents laughing and the comments made. How could grown adults be happy that he was hit so badly? How could an EMT NOT come and help and injured child, even IF he didn’t like that child? How can someone walk away from a mother asking them to help he injured child? I can’t help but wonder if this “accident” was triggered by parents. Am I wrong to think this? I feel wrong! But, why would this kid do this when he wasn’t even suppose be a a F-ing Wolf  doing the tackling?

Why does Eli have to suffer so much? What has he ever done to have one thing after another happen to him? WHY?! And please don’t tell me God only gives us what we can handle. Or everything happens for a reason. I’m angry, I’m hurt, I’m tired and I just want this all to go away!

Comments (4) »

Change

September 16, 2009 · Filed under Andrew, Blind, Elijah, Family, My Boys, Parenting, PooWee, adoption, life, me, visually impaired, whining, work

I just shared my blog address with my niece. HI BROOKE!!! :)

It’s made me think of the change my blog has gone through.

Initially it started out as a blog about my boys. But, mainly about PooWee. About the most painful time of my life. A time that I think of daily. A time that I still cry about to this day. A time when no one in my real life understood me. No one knew what I was feeling. How could I still be in so much pain when I had my PooWee in my arms. I had decided to parent him. Nobody IRL understood my pain. 

But, with this blog…strangers helped me through that period in my life. Strangers reached me with their comments and especially their ((HUGS))! I am forever grateful to you all, and you know who you are! I’m not sure I would be as stable as I am now with my adoption experience if it weren’t for you guys! Honestly…I’ll NEVER forget you! 

Now, it seems to be turning into a blog about … my Elijah! (With some mentionhere and there about the rest of us.:) )It’s quit apparent there is tons to say about him. I’ll say it as I always do…I always seem to be talking about Elijah, because there is always something to say about him. I could talk forever about his accomplishments or defeats. He trucks on though, whatever is handed to him in life.

We started learning about Eli’s vision when PooWee was a few months old. It’s been about 2 1/2 years now. I still feel somewhat “dumb” when it comes to what to do for him. Who do I listen to, where do I go to ask about something. New things pop into my head everyday. Someone will suggest something else. My brain just gets so overwhelmed, I don’t know what to do.

As with all my boys, I want them to have the world. I can’t give them the world. It’s not mine to give.

I want my boys to live a healthy fulfilling life. I don’t care if they are doctors or a sales clerk. If they are happy and fulfilled with what they are doing, I’ll be happy. I want them to appreciate the small things and feel grateful for the big things.

I get sad when Andrew says I baby Eli. Honestly, I don’t think I do. He just needs more of me. He has more and different needs in life. Andrew hasn’t grasped that concept yet. Instead he remembers walking to school all by himself in 5th grade. Then looks at Eli who can’t step outside by himself, because he fears something bad will happen to him. I try to keep in mind that though Andrew is an adult, he still is a kid. He’s a fresh 18 year old that still holds on to the teen attitude. He’ll “get it” later…right?!

I think things would be different had Andrew grown up with Eli having the blindness since birth. PooWee…it’s normal to him. If Eli is taking up most of the TV or computer screen, PooWee just looks at the area Eli has left for him. (Usually Eli doesn’t even realize he’s “hogging” the screen. Once you ask him to step over, he does so with no problem.) PooWee knows Eli’s eyes aren’t good. We tell him that Eli has sick eyes. That he can’t see good. PooWee points at them and says, “OOOWWWEEE eyes.”

PooWee loves Eli’s white cane. He’s pretty good at tapping it as he walks too. But, he also knows that when Eli is using it, his hands stay off of it. He doesn’t quite realize that when Eli places a hand on his shoulder that he’s guiding him in the dark. Instead PooWee thinks he wants something and says, “What Ah-Wah?” or “No, let go!” That’ll all come in time. He’s learning as he grows. And with that learning he’s accepting Eli’s blindness.

I’m not exactly sure where I wanted this post to go or where it’s actually headed. I assume I was thinking of how life changes. Whether it’s a small change or a large change…life changes.

Not only did I give my niece my address, but like a handful of other people I know. I somewhat feel exposed now. What will they think after reading all my babble? That I truly am the fruitcake they know in real life!! :)

I think I’m longing for a huge change in my real life. I always wanted to move to warmer weather (like WAY down south) when Andrew graduated high school.

Now, I say I can’t take Eli away from his vision teacher as he has grown very fond of them. He loves them, I know he does. Which in return make me love them even more.

I’ve been pondering the idea again though. Just not WAY down there! Perhaps an hour or two from here.

I’m run down on my job. Been there nine years. I’ve disliked it for nine years. Especially haven’t been able to stand it for the past 2 1/2 years. (We won’t even go there!) I want something new! Something challenging. Like assisting in saving a life isn’t challenging enough. Ha! It’s just seems to be the same ol’ same ol’ thing. Don’t get me wrong, I know what I do is important. I’m there for the doctors and nurses so they can be in by the patient’s. It’s just that someone else can do too. It doesn’t have to be me. I want to move on.

BUT…where am I going to go? WHAT…am I going to do?

Leave a comment »

I Can Handle It!

August 1, 2009 · Filed under Blind, Elijah, Family, Just for fun, My Boys, PooWee, life, me, visually impaired

I just couldn’t handle not hearing anything from Occupaws on the Visual Companion dog for Elijah. I broke down and emailed.

I got a response within an hour. She apologized for the delay and stated that it has been difficult for the board to meet due to vacations. The board meeting is scheduled for Tues. 8-4. She did mention her concerns on PooWee’s age and my small yard, but added that the entire board would decide what was right for Elijah and the dog.

I keep having dreams that they are announcing who gets a dog. The “first” dog goes to someone else. I always know there is another dog. I’m waiting to hear who that dog is going to, but I wake up! This has happened about 6-8 times. They are different dreams, with the same “story line”. I haven’t quiet figured it out yet.

I fear I will be giving Elijah the sad news. (He did very well with the art contest turn down.)

I know the president feels I am taking on A LOT of responsibility all on my own. If it weren’t “just” me here, she may feel different. I just want to yell to her, “BRING IT ON!!! I CAN DO IT! If it benefits my child I will sacrifice myself to help him/them.” (Gee-I needed this attitude when I was pregnant with the PooMan-ah?!)

I’ve stressed over and over again to Eli the responsibility he would be taking on . He whines now about having to get up in the mornings. I’ve told him, he would have to get up even earlier to care for the dog before we left the house. He says he will. I’m sure I’ll have to be a drill sargent on somedays, but I think he wants this so badly he would do it.

Besides feeding, grooming, playing and walking, the dog also needs his obediance training daily. Perhaps I can train him/her to pick up toys and fold laundry. :)

Winter walks are my struggle. My outside adventure(s) in winter consist of walking from my car to the house or store. We would be fortunate to be able to take the dog into all public places, so heading to the mall for our daily walk is an option. (Oh, I despize the mall! I would do it though. Eli would need to be trained that we are NOT going into the game store everytime though.) I guess my life could use a change and why not start with the winter months. Heres to more walks in the winter and more layers of clothing.

Oh and PooWee would just love the dog too. He’s so cute when we do see other dogs out and about. He stops about 5 feet from the dog, squats down, looks at the owner and says “PaaAase” (Please) and does his sgning for please and gentle.

Elijah had the suggestion that we make a saddle for the dog and PooWee could just ride the dog. Hey, then there would be no worries about him running away from me.

I think the PooMan will do great. He’s your typical two year old. Wait that’s 2 1/2 already! He’s learning when and where he can venture on his own.

He does hate the shopping cart though. Oh my, this is something he hasn’t liked since he came out of his infant seat. I don’t think he’ll ever like them. I am the one in the store with the screaming kid because he doesn’t want to sit in the cart. Recently, I’ve started letting him walk. he can 1- hold my hand, 2- hold Eli’s hand, or 3 hold the cart (help push). If he lets go and wonders off, (he gets tothe count of three) he’s in the cart for the rest of the shopping trip. Which tends to end when he gets in to the cart, due to him announcing to the entire store how unhappy he is about being in there. Is there therapy for a shopping cart phobia? Shopartobia???

Let’s not forget about the doggie poo poo that would need to be cleaned up. Great thing is the dog is trained to go only when on a leash. So, they eat, you take them out, they do their thing and then you pick it up. Elijah insists he’s not “touching” it with a plastic bag. He’s all about the poopy scooper. As long as he does it. Though I’m quiet sure we won’t ALWAYS have the scooper with us. 

Food and vet bills really aren’t my worry. Heck, Andrew ate and ate and ate, I’m told the dog food is about $50/month. That’s looking good for me! I can handle the annual vet visits. Anything major, I have an awesome vet that allows me to make payments. I did well with Mooses surgery, so I’m sure they would allow me to make payments again if needed. Plus Occupaws will visit the vet and try to get a discounted rate for me seeing it is a therapy dog.

I think Elijah could use the positive encounters from friends and strangers in the stores and other places.  

Elijah can’t see his friends as he passes them in a store. He hears the voice say, “Hi Elijah”, but if he doesn’t know their voice he tends to barely lift his hand and says, “Hi” so quietly I can hardly hear him. His excuse….”Well, I don’t know who it is!” With a dog at Elijah’s side, he will encounter more and more people approaching him that (hopefully) he becomes more comfortable with talking to any “blurry blob” that says, “Hi” to him.

My positive list outways my negative list. It’s just so darn hard to wait and then to think that we may not receive one. So, my thought is….if we don’t receive one I will focus on not having to go for a walk at 8 pm in 15 below weather. (Verses no dog :(  .  )

Comments (1) »

Always Something To DO

June 29, 2009 · Filed under Andrew, Blind, Elijah, Family, Just for fun, My Boys, PooWee, life, me, visually impaired

Busy, busy, busy….that is what we are! I can’t believe how much we have got going on. I haven’t had a chance to sit down at the computer for more than 20 minutes. I seem to check the emails and that’s it. Went to my Google Reader today, I don’t think I’ll ever catch up on the blogs. Some had 20+ posts! UGH!

So our lives have been filled with…

-rearranging the home. Andrew went to his dad’s for the summer. Plans on getting an apartment in August with some friends, so he has officially left the nest. :( Eli and PooWee are sharing Andrew’s old room. Eli’s room got changed into the computer room (aka: Eli’s office. Has his desk with all his vision goods in it as well.) I got my dressers back that Andrew used in his room. Living room got rearranged when the computer got taken out. Kitchen got emptied when Eli’s desk got taken out. Yes, every room was affected with this room change. Place looks GREAT! And after a month it’s still VERY CLEAN! This entire rearrangement took me a full week. I could have moved.

-Eli had his blind athletes camp. He had a GREAT time. While we were in Milwaukee for that we stayed two extra days. Went to the zoo and a childrens museum. SUPER TIME!!!

-Eli’s soccer season has started. He practicing twice a week. PooWee takes his ball and practices as well. He’s pretty darn good at dribbling that ball!

-Went to a vision conference in Green Bay. AWESOME! Oh, I so want to hold an IEP in the beginning of school. School SO NEEDS to start upgrading their technology and teaching our VI kids how to use this stuff.

-We had our home study done for the Visual Companion dog for Eli. Went well, but I down in the dumps since then. Our yard is small. That was a turn off for them. I am aware we need to go elsewhere for exercise. And they were concerned about me keep “order” of the dog and PooWee. I can not let go of the leash to chase a two year old. All understandable. I figure PooWee will need some training as well. I was never a big lover of those toddler harnesses, but perhaps one would work to make sure PooWee stays by us and the dog. One of the trainer also mentioned that the dog may be a good thing to keep PooWee by us. PooWee two…he holds your hand one minute and just as you loosen the grip and he finds his chance he dashes for that toy on the store shelf. I just really hope that if they feel it’s not an appropriate time for us to have a dog because of PooWee’s age, that Eli doesn’t hold a grudge towards him.

Check out these two article on the two boys that have a companion dog. Now any of you that know what terror Eli goes through with being alone and his nightmares, I’m sure would agree a dog could be his best friend!

First article and the second article.

I can’t keep my mind off this right now. I’m so stressed about their answer. I truly hope it won’t take too long before they get back to us.

Well, those are our major events. In between time we are swimming, going for walks, at the park…all the fun summer stuff.

No biking so far this year. My bike is broke and haven’t gotten around to fixing it. Plus, I worried about taking Eli out. I feel his vision has worsened. :( A visit to the eye doctor is due. Calling today.

PooWee sure wants to hop in his seat and go though. I’ve walked my bike with him in the seat a few times for him. That doesn’t completely satisfy him though.

Eli heads off on Sunday for his two week camp at the school for the blind. This year he has a cell phone to take with him, so I’m sure I’ll get a call everyday.

Then one day home and then it’s off to the Lion’s Camp for a week.  I sure do miss him when he’s gone!

Well, boys are waking up and it’s time to decide what we are going to do for the day.

Hope everyone is having the greatest summer like we are!

Leave a comment »

We Are Still Here!

May 26, 2009 · Filed under Andrew, Elijah, Family, Just for fun, My Boys, Parenting, PooWee, life, me

There’s so much going on here. I’m ready for a day where I can stay in my jammies all and just sit and knit. Oh, I’ll be waiting awhile!

Andrew

His last day of high school is Thursday. Graduation is on Monday evening. WOW OH WOW OH WOW! My lil baby boy is NO LIL BABY BOY! I’ll be sure to post a picture of him in his cap and gown!

He’ll be packing his things up and heading to his father’s home until he turns 18 in August. Then he plans on getting an apartment with his friend. If he doesn’t go with the apartment he will stay at his father’s house. I don’t blame him for this decision. He has the entire basement. His room a rec room and his very own bathroom. Why would he move back by me where he only has his bedroom. I worry though because his father and him “clash” quite often. Their personalities are the exact same and that gets them into trouble often. Of course he’s always welcome here.

His father called today and he’s going out to get Andrew’s Graduation present from us. The two of us went in on a laptop for him. He knows that was our plans and has been whining for it for MONTHS!

I’m also knitting him an afghan as a more personal gift. He better have it for life. (I still have one that my mom made me when I was in preschool. Holes knots and all!)

Funny thing is I started this afghan 5 years ago on our way to Disney. I had full intention to give it to him for Christmas that year. Yeah-well…that didn’t happen. And yet today I am knitting like mad to get it done. I probably have a good three feet to do yet. I want it to be BIG!

Elijah

Newest news with Elijah is we are applying for a Children’s Visual Companion Dog for him. Chances of getting one we are sure are low. But, we are giving it a chance.

I believe one will also assist with his insecurity, and fear of being alone “issues”. Wouldn’t it be completely AWESOME if he could look at toys and I could  go shopping for a new bra, without him whining about being in “that” section.

Other than that, Elijah is just well…he’s Elijah! Keeping me on my toes. Trucking along with therapy. Constantly has his guitar in hand. (I just wish the amp would BREAK!) When Elijah’s home the neighborhood knows. :)

PooWee

My lil monkey! He’s doing great! He’s such a smart lil man.

Now that the weather is nice he is practicing his temper tantrum when it comes time to going in the house. He loves skateboards. Rides them on his belly. Loves to play tennis, well…try to play. His swing is getting pretty darn good!

He rebels the shopping cart. I believe he feels he should be totally unsupervised in a store and be able to do as he pleases. THANK GOD for Grandma. She will often take him so I can get my errands done.

I made the mistake of getting him a Strawberries and Cream Frappicuno at the “lovely coffee shop”! Anytime we pass it he says and does the more sign. What’s he think…money grows on trees?! :)

He’s going to be having another speech assessment soon. I’m looking forward to just seeing him get all excited about the therapists visit. He LOVED her big bag of goodies. He had a blast last time. I know it’s a good thing when he didn’t qualify, but I was disappointed too. Just because he did enjoy the visit. It was FUN! He’s trying to talk more, but it’s just not coming around. I grew up with a speech impairment. graduated from therapy when I was in fourth grade. My father had a stuttering problem. So who knows!

He’s at daddy’s right now and I so should be doing some housework. It’s not often that his dad takes him during the week. Usually it’s on the weekends when I’m at work.

Me

Trying to keep one step ahead of the laundry and dishes. Knitting til the wee hours of the night to get that darn afghan done.

Trying to keep all of Elijah’s vision stuff straight. From his CCTV battle to his IEP to the new application of the dog. (13 page application!) Then there’s his name change process. Oh and yeah, we’re still going through therapy. I’m not even going to go into details with that one.

I’ve got to get the car fixed (tire alignment) and oil change pretty darn soon. Elijah goes to his first camp June 19th. Plus, we would like to go to a Vision Conference June 15th and the 16th out of town. UGH!

PooWee, Elijah and I planted our flowers yesterday. They look lovely.

I’ll get a pic of the new hair do up soon. I like it. I actually could go even shorter and probably will next time.

Well, gotta get to that housework!

Leave a comment »

Good Things Are Happening!

May 7, 2009 · Filed under Blind, Elijah, PooWee, visually impaired

POOWEE IS POTTY TRAINED!! YAY!!!!!!!!

We are so proud of our big man! He hasn’t had a diaper on for two weeks now! Except at night, which he is starting to fight about. Last night he actually woke up and walked to the bathroom. I’m still wanting the diaper on at night though!

He’s so cute in his little unders! His doopa is much easier to pinch too! :)

At times he goes to the bathroom all by himself. If I go in he holds his hand up to me and says, “Get out!” WHATEVER!

Other times he says, “Pa Pa” for potty.

Then there’s the times he pulls his pants down way before he’s to the bathroom, and walks all the way with his pants around his ankles. Yeah, this is nice when your in a public place. :) Goof-ball!

______________________________________________________

Update on Eli’s CCTV!

GREAT news! Elijah’s VI teacher,K  had written the Lions Club and one club responded.

This club is getting together with another group and are going to fund a portable CCTV for him.

Portables are much cheaper, so they think they can do it. K thinks Eli will really like the Sense View.

The Lions will be discussing it at their meeting on Mon.

K is also looking at another option. Our local technical college is closing their low vision center. DEVASTATING NEWS!! She’s trying to find out what they will be doing with the equipment.

It is very sad that this program is closing. The closest low vision service for us will now be 2  1/2 hours away. Eli and I did go there two years ago. It was very helpful in learning what was all out there for Eli. I’m planning on getting him in again before they shut the doors June 15th.

I think I will still pursue my insurance company for a desktop CCTV. If the attorney for disability rights feels we have a chance.

A desktop on has it’s definate benefits. Especially when it comes to Eli working to improve his reading fluency. The screen is way larger, giving him more words to see and being able to read ahead. The portable one only has a 4.3 inch screen.

We’ll see… I sent a packet of information to the attorney. She called yesterday left a voice message that said, “Got your packet of information. It’s very interesting! I have a few question. Please call back.” But, when I did she had just left the office. I’ll be calling today.

I’m somewhat feeling guilty for continuing the fight to get him a desktop one though. Is it right for me to accept a portable one and try to get him a desktop one? They both have their benefits and will be very useful for Eli!

Comments (2) »

Two Adoption Books

April 27, 2009 · Filed under Elijah, Family, PooWee, adoption, life, me

I don’t really write about my adoption story much anymore. That doesn’t mean I don’t ever think back to the horrendously painful time in my life. I still read plenty of adoption related blog, written by all members of the triad. I continue to venture to forums on adoption.

I wonder why I let adoption continue to be a part of my life today, over two years later.  I realize that adoption was apart of my life at one time, but I wish it would just go away.

Perhaps, it’s because I do still think about what happened to us. Perhaps its because I still cry when I think of almost losing my Poo-Wee to adoption.  Maybe it’s because I am still face dealing with those people at work that still think I’m a horrible person for for parenting my son. Or could it be because J and I still cross paths at work, as I’m leaving she’s coming in or vise versa.

While in the early stages of my pregnancy J gave me a book to read. The book…

“Dear Birthmother” by Kathleen Sipler It’s a book about open adoption, containing letters from adoptive parents to the birthmother of their child(ren). Of course it only contains the positves.

Oh the SELFLESS act of the birthmother, how she loved her child so much and did what was best. (puke!) We’ve all heard it time and time again, whether it was from a book, a letter or a person saying it to you. I know I had plenty people say to me, how selfless I was for giving J & P my child.

Why is it that when an expectant mother makes an adoption plan she all of a sudden turns into the most beautiful, selfless, person in the world? Perhaps, she was this type of person BEFORE becoming pregnant. Wouldn’t this make any expectant mother that plans on raising her child selfish?

I’M NOT SELFISH BECAUSE I DECIDED TO PARENT MY SON(S)!

I despise this book. I most definitely do not feel it is an appropriate book for an expectant mother. I think it could almost be viewed as coercive. Though, I don’t feel J meant it to be for me. She hadn’t read the book, nor was she very educated on adoption.

Recently, I read a blog entry on this book. Written by Cassi at Adoption Truth. As I read her post,  I felt sick to my stomach. Recalling the ill taste of this book. Head over there and read the post.  It’s a bad book, but an excellent post on it. (Her blog is as excellent. Read her whole story.)

When I packed up everything J & P had given me to return to them, I put this book in the box. I remember wanting to add a note with the book, giving my opinion on it. I didn’t though, I just placed it in the box, happy to get rid of it. However, I do like the thought of what Cassi’s friend did to her copy. She BURNT it!

Today…I wish I had that copy J gave me. I like the idea of burning it. It might even be worth buying a copy and burning it. But then again, I’d only be adding to the sales rate of the book. And I wouldn’t give a dollar towards the support of this book.

“Dear Birthmother” is the only book I read on adoption.  I really want to read “The Primal Wound”, by Nancy Verrier. I’m too scared to at this point though. Scared that I will have to relate more to what my Poo-Man went through while being separated from me. I do realize it was only two weeks of separation, but I feel it could have been two weeks of LIVING HELL for him. How could I do that to my son. I also think he may still be affected by these feelings of the very beginning of his precious life.

I recall reading a passage at one time that stated a child that may be suffering from the separation pain will get very upset. They will cry a strong cry, arch their backs as if in pain and thrash themselves about.

My PooWee can do this. Oh and I understand that ANY child will get very upset at times. But, this statement burns in me. When I just can’t seem to comfort PooWee and he acts this way, I can only think it’s because of what I did to him. I’ve cried so many tears of pain when he does this, for I believe I have done this to him. I will just hold him and try to comfort him. If it’s too hard to hold him I sit next to him on the bed and rub his back. I want him to know the I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR HIM! I WILL NEVER LEAVE HIM AGAIN!

I long to read this book, I don’t know if I will ever be able to though. Do any of us want to look at what we may have put our chil(ren) through.

With Elijah being in therapy for the pain his father out him through. He is facing this traumatic part in his life and he is only 10 years old. I’m 35 years old and I can’t seem to face the traumatic adoption experience I caused my son.

I’m thinking it’s time I face my evil and buy the book. That would be the first step. I’m sure it’ll sit on my book shelf for some time, but it would be a start. I hate to think of having to face the pain again. I’m coming to realize that it will always be painful, but I need to come to terms with the happy ending that pain resulted in.

Comments (4) »

ELi, Andrew, PooWee, and Me

March 18, 2009 · Filed under Andrew, Elijah, Family, Just for fun, My Boys, PooWee, life, me

NO SURGERY!! Eli’s disk has not slipped much further, so Dr. H doesn’t want to do anything with it yet. We go back in 6 months for another X-ray to check it.

He needs to continue to stay away from contact sports. Why is it the sports that Eli would beable to continue playing, his back is preventing him from playing. I only see Eli playing soccer, basketball or volleyball through the elementary level. Once he hits junior high, the sports will become more competitive and he’s going to be the bench warmer. I encourage him that when this time comes he can manage a team and help out. Now football and wrestling are two sports he probably could do throughout his school years. In footbal they hadhim play a front line defense (I soooo don’t know football) position that worked well for him. With wrestling his vision doesn’t seem to interfer.

It saddens me, but he moves on. He over comes one obsticle after another.

Andrew, oh Andrew! His father and I went to his conferences last night and I’m not too happy.  He has a severe case of senioritis! He is SOOOO NOT working up to his protential in school anymore. His last GPA was 3.8 and the kid’s progress report was SO SAD!! One A-gym, for Cs a D and one F for an incomplete assignment that he blames on a group project and his partners haven’t finished their end. GGGGGRRRRRR!!!!

Of course Andrew is shrugging his shoulder and shows he really doesnt care. His lacrosse coach is his calculaus teacher and mentioned he is watching his grades closely as he could be dropped from lacrosse. I know he doesn’t want that.

Andrew has this strong intuition that he only needs to maintain a 1.5 GPA. We’ve reminded him over and over again that even though he got excepted into college, they can drop him. But, heknows somene that got in with a 1.5 and so he feels he shouldn’t have to worry. He’s enjoying “relaxing”on his school work.

PLUS!!!! HE FEEL ASLEEP IN ONE OF HIS MORNING CLASSES!!!! When I heard that I almost fell off the chair. I now get his cell phone at night so he can’t stay up texting, I’m putting a parental block on the cable box today to so he can’t watch after 10pm and he isn’t allowed on the computer after 10. He now MUST be in bed at 10 every night. He is not too happy with his father and I. OH WELL!!!!

Poo-man Choo-man is DONE playing with his poopy!!!! :) YAY-so happy that only last a week! That was so yucky! He knew it too! He’d show me his hands and go, “icky momma.”

BUT–where do two year old learn to lie?! He’ll be pooping, you can tell by the look on his face the positioning of his body.

“Are you pooping?”

“Nooo!”

“Are you sure? Momma thinks your pooping?”

“Nooo!” His head is also gesturing no.

“I smell poopies! Do you have poopies in your pants?”

He continues to deny it! What’s up with that! How dumb does he think I am! :)

He’s loving playing outside! We only have a few patches of snow left in the yard. It is so nice to be outside without freezing my butt off. YAY for nice weather.

Me—I finally picked up a book. I must admit I don’t read very much at all. I always say if I have time to read I have time to knit.

I’ve been longing to reconnect to my dreams again. I use to be so into dreams and throughout the years I have let everyday life interfere with that. So I picked up my favorite book, Conscious Dreaming by Robert Moss which I have read about 4 times already.

I have only made it through the introduction and I have already had some awesome dreams that I can start interpreting and learning from. My dream journal is in full swing again and I am so excited about that.

I strongly believe dreams are so much more than just a nighttime “thing” as my niece’s church told her at one time. I personally have experienced things in dreams only to have that moment happen in real life MONTHS AFTER the dream. My dream journal verified that for me.

“The future can be seen, and because it can be seen seen, it can be changed.” -J.B. Priestly

I dreamt of  California before I was ever there in the physical world. The place, the people and the colors were vivid enough in my dream that when I was physically there I knew I had been there before. A search through my dream journal proved to me I was there. Still runs shivers down my back thinking about it. I’ve had a few more encounters like this.

I love to fly in my dreams. I just reach my arms up and I fly away to where ever I want to go. It’s a feeling of such freedom and peace.

I often think how I should have been with my dreams while I was pregnant with the Poo-Wee. I detached myself from everything that was me. I wonder what my dreams would have told me. I wonder if they would have awakened me to what my life was really about at that time.

Elijah once had  dream journal as well. His journal held a lot of nightmares. His journal helped him through his nightmares. He learned to control his nightmares by fighting them back. His therapy to win the battle that his father put into his head. Sure, he still has them now and then, but NOTHING like it use to be.

Prepare yourselves with my new/old obsession…DREAMS. Perhaps I will be babbling a lot about them.

Leave a comment »

PooWee’s New Obsession!

February 25, 2009 · Filed under Parenting, PooWee, life, whining

HELP! The Poo Man is now known as the Poopy Man!

He realizes when he poops and for some reason CONSTANTLY STICKS HIS HANDS IN HIS DIAPER!!!

Perhaps he does this because he then gets a bath and gets to play with the shower hose?! I don’t know, but I sure hope it doesn’t last much longer.

He does attempt to clean up himself. Wipes are all over and not to mention smeard poopoos! YUCK!

Today he grabbed his cloth diaper liners. He couldn’t pull one off so an entire roll is all over my room. I was only right in the kitchen too. He was on my bed taking a nap at the time. I now have to wash my sheets and comforter.

Potty training…well, I wouldn’t call it training. We are just going with the flow! He goes pee very well. He has no problems going if he is naked. He runs right in.

Pooping is another story. He’s still uncomfortable with sitting on the potty. But, that is getting better.

If  he has a diaper on there are times he reacts to having to go pee and will run to the potty other times he takes full advantage of the diaper.

BUT WHY MUST HE PLAY WITH HIS POOP?!

Leave a comment »

« Previous entries
Next Page »