Archive for Parenting

Life Continues

October 24, 2009 · Filed under Andrew, Elijah, Family, My Boys, Parenting, Ranting, fustration, life, me, venting, whining

It’s been just as if not more chaotic since my last post.

Andrew is getting settled in his new lil pad. He loves  being out on his own. He’s grown so much in these past few weeks. Everyone has told me that kid’s start coming out of the teen attitudes and drama around the age of 22 or 24. Andrew has appeared to have already made that step.

He’s doing some babysitting for me on Sundays, as my sitter decided to stop sitting on Sundays. (UGH!) He is so much nicer to Eli than when he was at home. Eli loves just going over to Andrew’s place and sitting around. Eli also like both of Andrew’s room mates. I think he feels like one of the guys.

Speaking of Andrew’s new home. It’s the apartment that Eli’s dad had when he did all that horrible stuff to Eli. Andrew took caution in taking Eli there. We knew it could cause some horrible memories to trigger, but could also be therapeutic and show Eli that “it’s all in the past.”

Eli had done well with it. He has admitted to recalling what the place looked like 6 years ago. He got a bit freaked out, but got himself back under control. I believe it’s been more therapeutic than anything.

PooWee still and probably always will think that Andrew and his friends are the coolest people in the entire world. He doesn’t even want to come home with me! :(

I don’t believe I’ve told you all about our newest family member. I’ve been holding off due to wanting to post pictures. BUT, somethings up with my beloved computer AGAIN! (New one on the to get list from taxes!) I can’t get my camera to download my full memory card to the computer! And well…I haven’t really had the time to mess with the computer either.

Anyways….

Eli got a puppy for his birthday!

Yes, I am well aware that I MUST HAVE BEEN OUT OF MY MIND!!! I’m still trying to figure out what I was exactly thinking.

Puppy’s name is Kadin. Eli choose it after two to three days of trying out different names. Kadin means companion and Eli liked that. It fits the little guy.

Kadin is a pug (momma) and boston terrier (dadda) mix. AKA a Bugg.

Kadin is full of piss and vinegar. He loves to attack PooWee. Poor PooWee has Kadin marks all over.

Kadin and Eli started their puppy classes on Thurs. Though Kadin thought that attacking the cute lil girl puppy was more fun then listening. He is such a male.

Eli has done well with poop and pee duties. We are training him to go inside and outside. Just when we think we had an awesome day, he proves us wrong. He is gated out of all carpeted areas, BUT has now figured out how to JUMP the gates.

Kadin and Eli are truly going to be great buddies!

I can’t wait to show you all some pictures of the little shit. Plus, I got a gross one that will make you laugh!  :) He’s a creative lil guy as well!

Got this (stupid, annoying, nonsense…etc) FBA meeting at Eli’s school on Monday morning. I have yet to figure out how or why we need it. Someone tell me why MY request to meet with the classroom teacher and principal to discuss BoyA and BoyB’s relationship with Eli has turned in to THEIR CONCERNS being addressed. They won’t discuss anything about these boys.

And let me tell you…if his classroom teacher walks in plops in her chair, folds her arms across her chest and has the same glare she wore at the past meeting, I WILL FLIP OUT!! We are here BECAUSE of her and then to walk in with such an attitude. Like I’m wasting her time! Oh lady – you haven’t even seen the b*tch that I can be yet!

Eli’s VI teacher, K and I have talked at length about all this. I so do love her! This is the first FBA she’s been involved in, and she’s been teaching VI students for 33 years. She’s heard it’s a long dragged out process. LOVELY…just lovely!

My advocate will be joining us. I have mixed feeling about her. Though she is very nice, well informed on the laws, and has taught me a lot. She is an “in your face” type of personality. I really don’t care what she says to the classroom teacher or the principal, as I don’t have too many nice thoughts about them right now myself. But, she has gotten rude with K a few times. THAT BOTHERS me! K knows what she is doing and I trust her with all my heart.

Eli and I will meet with our advocate prior to this meeting. I trying to find the correct words to inform her that I want her to be nice. I want everyone to “play nice in the sandbox”. :)

Hopefully after this meeting, I’ll be able to sleep! I really miss my sleep!

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I Can’t Take ANYMORE

October 10, 2009 · Filed under Andrew, Blind, Elijah, Family, My Boys, Parenting, PooWee, Ranting, fustration, life, me, venting, visually impaired, whining

I’m stressed out! Like so stressed all I want to do is cry, yet I’m too angry to cry or the tears just won’t come, or I don’t have time to cry.

At work on Friday, it was time for lunch…I realized I hadn’t eaten since Wednesday evening. Thursday was so full of events and drama, I fed the kids and never fed myself.

Andrew and his father got into “it” big time and his father pretty much kicked him out. I’m actually surprised he managed to hang out there as long as he did. He is staying with friends right now and is looking for his own place.

He wasn’t prepared to move out, so I’ve hit the bank account to help him out. I think I bought him more groceries than I gave us at home. Perhaps he’ll make a supper or two for us. :)

PooWee is looking at PreK in December. :( I’m not overjoyed about it. As I don’t think kids need school at the age of three. I can teach him what he needs to know. I figured I’d homeschool him as I did the other two. They both turned out to be above grade level when they did enter school. Their social interactions were just fine too.

However, he’ll be too old for  the Birth to 3 program for speech therapy and will need to go to school for therapy. I don’t have all the details yet. Technically, it’s not even official. His current speech therapist said I should be getting information soon to set up the IEP process. (Oh the IEP!) I’m glad this time around I know what IEP even stands for. I know what to expect and how it “all” works. Just instead of vision, I’m dealing with speech. More to learn there though.

He’s missing his last sylable of most of his words, and missing majority of his vowel sounds. Yes, he talks backwards Polish. (No offense to the Polish! :)   ) He’ll tell you a story. His sweet lil face as serious as can be. It’s so hard to look at him and say, “Honey, I don’t know what your saying. I’m sorry!”  You can often get the jits of wht he’s saying, but I just really want to know all that he has to say.

There is a guilt within me that I passed this on to him. I pray he doesn’t go through all the teasing I did in early grade school. Actually, if he does my heart tells me he is a stronger lil guy than I was and can handle more than I did. If not watch out teasers because he’s got a mean punch in him. :)

Life with Eli has brought more than I think I can handle sometimes. It feels like everytime I turn around something new is hitting me in the face.

I’m not even sure where I begin. I’m even sort of sick of talking about everything that is racking up on us. I feel overwelmed just thinking about typing it all out.

Let’s start with school. UGH! I wish I could just pull him out and give him the education I feel he deserves. One that he will thrive in, learn at his own pace and will challenge him.

New year, new teacher, more difficulties!

For the past year Eli has been having “issues” with two particular boys at school. (We’ll call them BoyA and BoyB)

BoyA and Eli use to be friends. Then Eli told BoyA he didn’t want to be his friends because he didn’t like the way he treated him or other kids. Eli chose to hang with his current two best friends. Whom have a “bad” reputation at school. Now last year I was concerned about these new friends because of what the school and parents have all told me. And because of a a few factors that I knew of with one of the boys’ families. However I stand here (or sit really) and say I WAS WRONG! I would much rather my son be friends with these two boys verses his old friend, BoyA.

If I were to ask a teacher about BoyA and they could tell me what they thought, this is what I believe they would say.

 -”He’s the star student. Advanced in all his subjects, gets his homework completed, participates in class, and is an example to the other students. He attends leadership courses. He is involved in sports.

BoyA has a tendency to degrade the Eli. He’s better at everything and anything imaginable than the Eli, so this is what he tells him. BoyA had so much control and authority he tells Eli what postition he’s going to make his dad put Eli in for football.

BoyA likes to do physical stuff to Eli. Like bumping into him as he passed him. If Eli returns the gesture BoyA screams, “OUCH knock it off Eli.” Of course this gets the teachers attention. BoyA is sucessful at getting Eli in trouble.

BoyB is tends to be BoyA’a “tag along”, but he’s more of the physical bully. Pushing, hitting, tripping all that jazz.

Eli and his two friends DON’T TELL, that is their biggest fault. I’ve told Eli, if your not going to tell then you will be the one in trouble.

Most of the above happened last year. This year I, myself have WITNESSED much of BoyA’s “activities”. I have spoken with his father and mother only to find out that BoyA tells them a completely different story as to wait I witnessed. Of course, their child is sweet and innocent and I’m the one with the bully child.

Now I’m not saying Eli is completely innocent. Ask him, he will tell you when he does something wrong. But, I will tell you he doesn’t lie. I believe him with all my heart. Throughout these past few weeks I have questioned his truth, but then I am confirmed by others that he is being truthful.

In the last few weeks I have witnessed BoyA (at football) scream demands at Eli and his friends. I was in complete shock. I  so should have said, “Who in the hell are you to tell them what to do?” instead I turned away and his dad (assistant coach) told him to calm down. Then BoyA went over to Eli and hit him with his chest (as if to start a physical fight)as Eli was standing line and BoyA should have been on the other end of the field. Of course BoyA’s parents believe that Eli pushed him on his shoulder because that’s what he told them.

Upon leaving football BoyA was degrading Eli and his friends because they were talking about Reading Buddies. BoyA thought it was appropriate to inform them how much better he is at reading then them and how they suck. Two of us parents told them to calm down and stop. Everyone did except BoyA. BoyA continued on, but only to change the subject to how bad of a center Eli is and that he will no longer be “his” center. (BoyA of course plays quarterback. Personally, I think it’s only because Daddy is assistant coach. Actually, I should say WAS an assistant coach as he hasn’t been to any more games or practices since the time he was screaming at the kids so badly. – AH-we have a connection here, don’t we?!

Well, to continue on with the drama. BoyB decided to grab Eli’s leg as he was getting up from the floor to change positions. Eli fell forward, got up and pushed him back. Now, I’m not saying what Eli did was right, BUT I understand why he did. He is fed up with the….BULLSHIT!

Eli (and BoyB) get sent to the principals office. (I’m not aware of BoyB’s punishment or what the principal all had to say to him.) Eli had to watch a video on be a bully. The principal told him he was a “gang faultality, he should stick up for his friends, can’t continue only hang out with his two best friends, etc. I did have a lil talk with the principal. She will no longer be talking to my son without me present or atleast on the phone.

And of course principal feels Eli is “insecure with is visual impairment” and that is why he is behaving this way. So, she calls an IEP meeting.

Which is no longer an IEP, but will be a meeting to go over Eli so everyone is on the right path. Right path? – Well, you see Eli’s classroom teacher feels he’s not using his technology enough. She thinks his video magnifier should be used to view the TV when they are watching a video. (It soean’t work for that.) He is out of luck and just has to listen to the video. (But of course is expected to get as much information from it as the other students.)

She also feels he needs to start moving closer to the board when she is working on it or she is using the overhead. Eli’s response, “Why should I when I can’t see it anyways.” Very understandable. But now I ask, why does he have to “just listen” when there is technology out there that will allow him to also SEE what the other students are seeing.  He’s expected to learn the same amount they do, but with less visual intake.

So all this must of course mean there is something “up” with his behavior. So, now they are requesting a behavior assessment. Which at this point I have said NO to. Oh, they also asked for records from his therapist. Funny, how the school loves to dig deeper than they need to.

I let it all out on his vision teacher, K. (Again SORRY K!) Why is it that I have been asking and asking about his reading for nearly two years now. I also seem to get a “keep her happy” answer. But when the school says, “WWAAAA!” action is taken immediately?! At the end of last year his teacher told us he NEEDS to read atleast 15 minutes a day or he would start to fall behind. Now, someone please tell me how in two years the school could let a Gifted and Talented reader fall to “almost behind.” I am insisting on a reading evaluation, a straight answer and I don’t want to hear SHIT about his fluency. I don’t care if he reads at a 1st grade speed! I want to know how he is comprehending. And if he has fallen that much, how they are going to rectify this situation.

I will NOT sign a release for his therapy records. As our therapist stated, alot of what we talk about in therapy is NONE OF SCHOOLS BUSINESS. But, he has agreed to verbally talk to them, if they wish and I agree. He will only tell them things he feels will assist with school. But, I will be sure to remind them, THEY will pay for his time… NOT ME!

I’ve tried for over a year to get the school to recognize that Eli and his friends are not always the one’s starting trouble. That they often are the victims of bullying and degrading comments. They don’t believe their prize student (BoyA) could be doing such stuff and blow me off. Without Eli and his friends telling it’s hard. Plus the fact that they often don’t get the chance to tell their side of the story, or choose to just take the consequences verses sticking up for themselves, doesn’t make it easy for me to get the info through. Truthfully, I don’t think that the school would believe my boy anyways.

Well, I’m letting the school know. I am now becoming the tattle tail and I will become the pain in their butt until they start looking in to every and any situation I tell them about.

BoyA’s parents are good friends with (new one!) BoyC. BoyC is now accusing Eli of smashing him in the helmet with his head and hurting him , where he was crying all night long after football practice the other night. (BoyA’s mother is the one that informed me of this.) BoyC’s parents have yet to say a thing about it to me, or the coach. When I confronted Eli, he was completely clueless to what I was talking about. He didn’t do anything to BoyC. But, of course he is being blamed.

Other things these parent sare blaming Eli (and his two friends) for are…constantly fooling around during practice, making the team having to run more, hurting all their co-players, causing BoyB to quite the team because they teased him too much. (Oh yeah BoyB – his parents are friends with BoyA and BoyC too.- HHMMM another connection)

Per football coach (whom I have spoken with and they have not) Eli does NOT cause the team to run extra, he does not feel Eli would intentionally hit BoyC. He likes Eli and said that he is a very good player. He’s tuff and can stand his ground and more.

Eli is 105 pounds and short. He is the only one on the team that can consistently take down the biggest guy, who is 140 pounds and about a foot and a half taller tham Eli. You will often hear the coach telling the team that how much Eli is getting through the line. “Hey, somebody hold Eli back would ya? Don’t let Eli through, get him down this time!”

BoyA’s father use to (before his yelling got him kicked out of coaching) coach the defensive players. I never heard him say, “Wow good job Eli.” Instead it was, “Come on Eli you know how to do it!” (Gee-another connection to BoyA’s degrading remarks to my son.) 

But holy man like light and day once the main coach took over teaching defense, my E-man is a STAR! The coach is very impressed with him.

At practice you can feel the tention each and everytime Eli breaks through the offensive line and tackles BoyA to the ground before he gets the chance to even see where to throw the ball. BoyA will cry and scream at Eli, because you know…Eli did SOMETHING wrong. BoyA has cries every practice, he yells at everyone that knocks him down. 

BoyA, BoyC and two other sets of parents like to hang out and talk about Eli and his two friends. They make it very well known. I think they are worse than the kids.

 

Thursday nights practice has been haunting every since. 

Towards they end of practices the boys get to play a game the coach calls Deer and Wolves. Wolves need to tackle all the Deer to the ground.

Eli was laying low during practice this day as he hurt his back during school. (Not pertaining to his disk that was slipping. That has been stable for over a year. Which is why he was cleared to join football by his spine doctor.) The coach knew this and reminded the boys all practice to be a bit more careful with Eli because he had hit his back earlier in the day.

Back to Deer and Wolf. Again Eli was a Wolf, he wore the blue cap on his helmet,he was to tackle the other kids  who did not have a blue cap on, the Deer. Eli was towards the outside trying to find a Deer. Being dark he can’t see doo doos, but if one were to go right in front of him, he’d get them.

Out of the blue this DEER runs in and tackles Eli onthe right side, Eli flies off the ground and slams down on his back. I saw it all. I run out there, yell for the game to stop, look up at the father of the kid that hit him, (Eli laid right in front of him) and asked him for help.

He looked at me. I heard him tell his kid he wasn’t suppose to hit him so hard, and HE WALKED AWAY! Where did he walk to you ask? He walked over to BoyA’s father, BoyC’s mother and laughed with them! I overhear BoyC’s mother say VERY LOUDLY, (she wanted us to hear) “Well, atleast one of our kids didn’t get injured tonight!” Now, I also have to mention that BoyA’s father is an EMT. Yet, he didn’t move an inch towards Eli. Who by the way was screaming, his right leg was tingly and numb and he was holding his back.

One of the coaches did make it over. Eli got to his feet and limped his way to the car. I had his spinal doctor paged. Waited over an hour for his page. Without a response I took Eli to the ER. The doctor managed to look at Eli a whole two minutes, proceeded to tell me it was a muscle injury. I stressed the FACT that he had a bad disk right where the pain was. But nothing worked and he pretty much walked out on me.

I paged his spinal doctor AGAIN, I was so uncomfortable with Eli’s state and wanted his disk looked at. Spinal doctor’s reply, “What do you want me to do about it tonight. Come to the office on Tuesday.”

So, Eli is back on his crutches as he was way in the beginning (almost two years ago) with his back pain. He can’t walk very well without them without alot of pain. He’s surviving on over the counter pain medication every 6hrs. Though he could use some sooner.

He wanted to go to school on Friday against my wishes. He did well. He had to endure BoyC laughing at him and making comments to his friends. He had to hear from other firends how BoyA explained how Eli was crying when it happened.

FUROSIOUS MOTHER that I have turned into immediately emailed the teacher about these boys. The teacher forwarded the email to the principal. Who called my cell phone (even thought the teacher knew I was at work) telling me that we have a problem because BoyA wasn’t in school all day. He was at leadership. (HA-what a leader!) Clarified with Eli and BoyA returned during Math class. Called and left voice mail to principal about clarification and sternly stated I AM DONE WITH THIS BOYS ACTIONS. I will be reporting everything and if it happens during school I will expect them to investigate the situation.

I’m not playing nice anymore. Nice has gotten me no where. Now, I’m pissed and the pissed off Rhonda will not be happy until these situations come to an end.

I’ve had several conversations with the football coach who too is very concerned and distaught at what took place. He too sees the personality I see with BoyA. BoyA is smart though, I’ll give him that. He plays the good game when the teachers are around. Coach is very concerned about Eli.

My fear…that on Tues we will find out that Eli’s disk has slipped more. I think even if Eli didn’t have a bad disk, he would have been severly injured with as hard as this kid hit him. We had been told that if his disk slipped any further, he would need surgery. I feel so very sad for Eli. As he loves football, and HE’S GOOD AT IT! Plus it’s one out of how many sports that he WILL be able to continue playing for his school years with his blindness. Now, if he needs surgery on his back, will he ever play again. Will surgery be the “fix all” and he can return to playing next year? Eli also heard the parents laughing and the comments made. How could grown adults be happy that he was hit so badly? How could an EMT NOT come and help and injured child, even IF he didn’t like that child? How can someone walk away from a mother asking them to help he injured child? I can’t help but wonder if this “accident” was triggered by parents. Am I wrong to think this? I feel wrong! But, why would this kid do this when he wasn’t even suppose be a a F-ing Wolf  doing the tackling?

Why does Eli have to suffer so much? What has he ever done to have one thing after another happen to him? WHY?! And please don’t tell me God only gives us what we can handle. Or everything happens for a reason. I’m angry, I’m hurt, I’m tired and I just want this all to go away!

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Change

September 16, 2009 · Filed under Andrew, Blind, Elijah, Family, My Boys, Parenting, PooWee, adoption, life, me, visually impaired, whining, work

I just shared my blog address with my niece. HI BROOKE!!! :)

It’s made me think of the change my blog has gone through.

Initially it started out as a blog about my boys. But, mainly about PooWee. About the most painful time of my life. A time that I think of daily. A time that I still cry about to this day. A time when no one in my real life understood me. No one knew what I was feeling. How could I still be in so much pain when I had my PooWee in my arms. I had decided to parent him. Nobody IRL understood my pain. 

But, with this blog…strangers helped me through that period in my life. Strangers reached me with their comments and especially their ((HUGS))! I am forever grateful to you all, and you know who you are! I’m not sure I would be as stable as I am now with my adoption experience if it weren’t for you guys! Honestly…I’ll NEVER forget you! 

Now, it seems to be turning into a blog about … my Elijah! (With some mentionhere and there about the rest of us.:) )It’s quit apparent there is tons to say about him. I’ll say it as I always do…I always seem to be talking about Elijah, because there is always something to say about him. I could talk forever about his accomplishments or defeats. He trucks on though, whatever is handed to him in life.

We started learning about Eli’s vision when PooWee was a few months old. It’s been about 2 1/2 years now. I still feel somewhat “dumb” when it comes to what to do for him. Who do I listen to, where do I go to ask about something. New things pop into my head everyday. Someone will suggest something else. My brain just gets so overwhelmed, I don’t know what to do.

As with all my boys, I want them to have the world. I can’t give them the world. It’s not mine to give.

I want my boys to live a healthy fulfilling life. I don’t care if they are doctors or a sales clerk. If they are happy and fulfilled with what they are doing, I’ll be happy. I want them to appreciate the small things and feel grateful for the big things.

I get sad when Andrew says I baby Eli. Honestly, I don’t think I do. He just needs more of me. He has more and different needs in life. Andrew hasn’t grasped that concept yet. Instead he remembers walking to school all by himself in 5th grade. Then looks at Eli who can’t step outside by himself, because he fears something bad will happen to him. I try to keep in mind that though Andrew is an adult, he still is a kid. He’s a fresh 18 year old that still holds on to the teen attitude. He’ll “get it” later…right?!

I think things would be different had Andrew grown up with Eli having the blindness since birth. PooWee…it’s normal to him. If Eli is taking up most of the TV or computer screen, PooWee just looks at the area Eli has left for him. (Usually Eli doesn’t even realize he’s “hogging” the screen. Once you ask him to step over, he does so with no problem.) PooWee knows Eli’s eyes aren’t good. We tell him that Eli has sick eyes. That he can’t see good. PooWee points at them and says, “OOOWWWEEE eyes.”

PooWee loves Eli’s white cane. He’s pretty good at tapping it as he walks too. But, he also knows that when Eli is using it, his hands stay off of it. He doesn’t quite realize that when Eli places a hand on his shoulder that he’s guiding him in the dark. Instead PooWee thinks he wants something and says, “What Ah-Wah?” or “No, let go!” That’ll all come in time. He’s learning as he grows. And with that learning he’s accepting Eli’s blindness.

I’m not exactly sure where I wanted this post to go or where it’s actually headed. I assume I was thinking of how life changes. Whether it’s a small change or a large change…life changes.

Not only did I give my niece my address, but like a handful of other people I know. I somewhat feel exposed now. What will they think after reading all my babble? That I truly am the fruitcake they know in real life!! :)

I think I’m longing for a huge change in my real life. I always wanted to move to warmer weather (like WAY down south) when Andrew graduated high school.

Now, I say I can’t take Eli away from his vision teacher as he has grown very fond of them. He loves them, I know he does. Which in return make me love them even more.

I’ve been pondering the idea again though. Just not WAY down there! Perhaps an hour or two from here.

I’m run down on my job. Been there nine years. I’ve disliked it for nine years. Especially haven’t been able to stand it for the past 2 1/2 years. (We won’t even go there!) I want something new! Something challenging. Like assisting in saving a life isn’t challenging enough. Ha! It’s just seems to be the same ol’ same ol’ thing. Don’t get me wrong, I know what I do is important. I’m there for the doctors and nurses so they can be in by the patient’s. It’s just that someone else can do too. It doesn’t have to be me. I want to move on.

BUT…where am I going to go? WHAT…am I going to do?

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I’m Living In A Dungeon

August 6, 2009 · Filed under Blind, Elijah, Just for fun, Parenting, life, me, visually impaired

It was due time I block the sun from shining in my home. I love the sunshine and welcomed it every morning. However, poor Elijah’s eyes can not tolerate it. He’s been wearing his sunglasses in the house to prevent headaches. He shouldn’t have to deal with headaches if they can be prevented. And why should I make him wear his sunglasses in the house?

I’ve held off as long as I could. I was looking at buying a home, so why improve this one. But, honestly, I like calling my landlord up and having him fix whatever is broke. Last winter my fridge broke. One five minute phone call and three hours later I had a brand new fridge. I like that! I just don’t think I want the responsibilities. My landlord rocks, very nice and understanding guy. The girl that lives in the other apartment is great as well. So…why move?

Eli has been making his own sun blockers. Blankets were getting tossed up on the curtain rods. The rods just couldn’t take that anymore and are all bent out of shape. Not to mention how funny a dinosaur blanket looks from the outside hanging in the window.

So yesterday we ventured to the “home improvement” store and bought vertical blinds for the living room and shades for the kitchen. Me, myself and I put up the blinds. I was impressed at how easy they were. My friend, D said he would do it for me if I wanted him to. I told him if I started swearing I’d give him a call. To my surprise I didn’t have to call him. Although it would have been nice to see him. The hardest part was keeping the electric drill/screw driver away from PooWee.

I went with shades in the kitchen because there are already brackets up from some other tenant(s) in the past. So, I took full advantage of them.

The office also got a window make over. I was able to use the previous living room curtains. I folded them in half making them thicker, so they block out pretty much all the sunlight. Works well and doesn’t look bad either.

The boys’ bedroom curtain are already good, so nothing done in that room. My room allows the most sun in, but it is still quite dark. Eli can go in there without problems. So no fix needed there as well.

I’m going to miss the sun shining in my home. But it was a fix that was needed to help Eli. If I go through any withdrawals the plan is for me to goto my room and pull my curtains wide open. Eli called it my “Sunshine Time-Out”. I’m thinking I could take FULL ADVANTAGE of that! :)

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We Are Still Here!

May 26, 2009 · Filed under Andrew, Elijah, Family, Just for fun, My Boys, Parenting, PooWee, life, me

There’s so much going on here. I’m ready for a day where I can stay in my jammies all and just sit and knit. Oh, I’ll be waiting awhile!

Andrew

His last day of high school is Thursday. Graduation is on Monday evening. WOW OH WOW OH WOW! My lil baby boy is NO LIL BABY BOY! I’ll be sure to post a picture of him in his cap and gown!

He’ll be packing his things up and heading to his father’s home until he turns 18 in August. Then he plans on getting an apartment with his friend. If he doesn’t go with the apartment he will stay at his father’s house. I don’t blame him for this decision. He has the entire basement. His room a rec room and his very own bathroom. Why would he move back by me where he only has his bedroom. I worry though because his father and him “clash” quite often. Their personalities are the exact same and that gets them into trouble often. Of course he’s always welcome here.

His father called today and he’s going out to get Andrew’s Graduation present from us. The two of us went in on a laptop for him. He knows that was our plans and has been whining for it for MONTHS!

I’m also knitting him an afghan as a more personal gift. He better have it for life. (I still have one that my mom made me when I was in preschool. Holes knots and all!)

Funny thing is I started this afghan 5 years ago on our way to Disney. I had full intention to give it to him for Christmas that year. Yeah-well…that didn’t happen. And yet today I am knitting like mad to get it done. I probably have a good three feet to do yet. I want it to be BIG!

Elijah

Newest news with Elijah is we are applying for a Children’s Visual Companion Dog for him. Chances of getting one we are sure are low. But, we are giving it a chance.

I believe one will also assist with his insecurity, and fear of being alone “issues”. Wouldn’t it be completely AWESOME if he could look at toys and I could  go shopping for a new bra, without him whining about being in “that” section.

Other than that, Elijah is just well…he’s Elijah! Keeping me on my toes. Trucking along with therapy. Constantly has his guitar in hand. (I just wish the amp would BREAK!) When Elijah’s home the neighborhood knows. :)

PooWee

My lil monkey! He’s doing great! He’s such a smart lil man.

Now that the weather is nice he is practicing his temper tantrum when it comes time to going in the house. He loves skateboards. Rides them on his belly. Loves to play tennis, well…try to play. His swing is getting pretty darn good!

He rebels the shopping cart. I believe he feels he should be totally unsupervised in a store and be able to do as he pleases. THANK GOD for Grandma. She will often take him so I can get my errands done.

I made the mistake of getting him a Strawberries and Cream Frappicuno at the “lovely coffee shop”! Anytime we pass it he says and does the more sign. What’s he think…money grows on trees?! :)

He’s going to be having another speech assessment soon. I’m looking forward to just seeing him get all excited about the therapists visit. He LOVED her big bag of goodies. He had a blast last time. I know it’s a good thing when he didn’t qualify, but I was disappointed too. Just because he did enjoy the visit. It was FUN! He’s trying to talk more, but it’s just not coming around. I grew up with a speech impairment. graduated from therapy when I was in fourth grade. My father had a stuttering problem. So who knows!

He’s at daddy’s right now and I so should be doing some housework. It’s not often that his dad takes him during the week. Usually it’s on the weekends when I’m at work.

Me

Trying to keep one step ahead of the laundry and dishes. Knitting til the wee hours of the night to get that darn afghan done.

Trying to keep all of Elijah’s vision stuff straight. From his CCTV battle to his IEP to the new application of the dog. (13 page application!) Then there’s his name change process. Oh and yeah, we’re still going through therapy. I’m not even going to go into details with that one.

I’ve got to get the car fixed (tire alignment) and oil change pretty darn soon. Elijah goes to his first camp June 19th. Plus, we would like to go to a Vision Conference June 15th and the 16th out of town. UGH!

PooWee, Elijah and I planted our flowers yesterday. They look lovely.

I’ll get a pic of the new hair do up soon. I like it. I actually could go even shorter and probably will next time.

Well, gotta get to that housework!

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Another Eli Update

April 23, 2009 · Filed under Blind, Elijah, Parenting, fustration, life, visually impaired

I say it time and time again…Elijah takes the most out of me! It’s all worth it, I’d do ANYTHING for any of my boys.

OH let start with stating that I did get a break! Elijah went to an indoor water park resort for three days. Man was it quiet around here. I missed him, BUT I also enjoyed the peacefulness of the home.

Elijah can’t tolerate silence. I think his mind leads him to thinking he’s “alone”. He tends to make noise to comfort himself. That noise can be silly vocals, irritating a brother or banging on a wall. UGH!!!

Elijah lost a pair of his sunglasses while there. We always keep two pair. So far he’s been through four. Not too bad for having to wear them all the time for two plus years.  He is very particular, he will only wear one kind. So I venture to the website that I buy them from and they are OUT OF STOCK! UGH! This was the cheapest site I was able to find, the glasses were only $50 here! He needs a spare pair though so I search some more.

I found a site that had them on clearance for $24.99 with two pair left in stock! I bought both pair! Great news-ah?!

I fear that “his glasses” are getting discontinued though! If this is true…do I have any volunteers that are willing to break the news to him. I don’t think it’ll be a very pleasant transition to a new style. Atleast he’ll have four pair of these now. I may have to continue looking for more clearance deals.

His therapy sessions have been going well. He has been in his own room for quit some time now. However, there is concern with how often the TV is on. He goes to sleep with it on. Between Andrew and I we shut it off through out the night. It’s a guarantee that when I wake him up in the morning it will be on.

He uses the TV as his comfort from the silence and the darkness. His therapist is getting concerned with how often it is on, but we don’t see it going away for sometime.

Right now we are trying to get him to express his anger. Anger towards his father for what he did to him. He has every right to be angry. We are dealing with trust issue between Elijah and his therapist. Elijah confessed to me he doesn’t like telling him how he feels. He shares a lot with me and I will share it with the therapist. That works…to a point.

During therapy I really feel like Elijah just wants to burst into tears, but fights them too much. I’ve talked to him about this. I believe he doesn’t want his therapist to see him cry. I want him to cry, I want him to let it all out.

Yesterday he was just furious at his father. The therapist walked him through two “cool down” sessions. When we left Elijah confessed they really didn’t work. He stated, “I just want to hurt my dad, really bad. Like he has hurt me!”

I asked how giving his dad physical pain would help him with his internal pain. He says it would just make him feel good. I expressed that giving his dad a black eye wasn’t going to be the same. A black eye goes away on it’s own. Internal pain takes work, hard work. He said his dad deserves to feel what he is feeling.

I totally understand where he is coming from. I think Andrew could relate to his feelings as well. Andrew has stated to me more than once that he would love to beat the crap out of him. We truly are not violent people-HONESTLY! I think that the anger we all feel towards Elijah’s father has built up in us all that our bodies just get so tense thinking about him. The fists start to tighten and you just want to release it onto his face. I don’t see any of us actually doing it, but I have to admit it kinda is a nice thought.

Elijah was a total handful (to put it nicely) last night. I believe it was regression from the therapy session. He’s got anger built up and it’s starting to come out. Lord, help us all through this!

CCTV Update

I’ve been trucking along. Couldn’t even begin to tell you how many organizations I have called. Some can help, others can’t, some direct me to another organization.

NOTES NOTES NOTES, I have been eeping lots of them. I record every little detail, from names, to length of calls, you name I have it down.

Yesterday’s work lead me to an actual referral to an attorney. I will be waiting (impatiently) for his return call.

I’m also waiting for an independent living center to call me. Mom was confused on why this organization would help a 10 year old. She understood once I explained how the CCTV would be “independence” to Eli. Oh and the stress it would relieve from my shoulders! I told his VI teacher that if I had to go through another year without one I think I’m going to end up in the psych ward.

I get an email almost everyday from the resource specialist that is helping me. LOADS of information. She is truly a blessing through all this.

I really need to sit down and start typing out the appeal letter. h goodness, I need to get all proper with my grammar and all. Thank goodness I have the resource specialist willing to proof it and help me with adjustments. (You can all verify how “sloppy” I write!)

Went to a Visually Impaired Family Gathering here in town Tuesday night. It sponsored by Wisconsin School for the Blind and Visually Impaired Outreach program. It was held at our local Technical College. Sad news-they have to close their low vision center…EVERYTHING is going, equipment to employees. I want to get Elijah is to check all the equipment out once more before they are gone. June 15th is the end of this service here. :(

Our next gathering will be in late September. I am in charge of setting it up along with the director of the Outreach program. She lives in Janesville, so I will the local issues. I’m excited and hope it turns out great. One goal of mine will be to get the families and kids to interact more. We all sit with our families and there’s not too much interaction. I’d like a project for the little kids to do, a bigger kid group and then a parent discussion.

I’ve got sometime yet. BUT then again before you know it, it will be here!

I was also asked to look at being trained as a Parent-Educator Support person. I would get free training, held 5 times a year and a stipend to help with childcare. Problem being training is on the weekends.

I would be a resource person for other parents when it comes to the education of their visually impaired child(ren). I would team up with Elijah’s VI teachers. I’m very interested in doing it.

After mentioning it to my resource specialist, she thought I would also do great as a parent trainer for the organization that she works with. They are the ones that held the classes I was taking on being a parent advocate for children of special needs.

Here to it’s free training. Difference is you need speak and hold sessions like the ones I attended. I believe it’s actually a paid position too. I would also be very interested in this.

Oh my! What am I (possible) getting myself into? First things first though. I want to get the CCTV situation all straightened out. In other words…I want it in my home on Elijah’s desk. And then I want to make sure that Elijah is a a comfort level with therapy and dealing with his past.

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Elijah Elijah Elijah

March 16, 2009 · Filed under Blind, Elijah, Family, Helping others, Parenting, fustration, life, me, venting, visually impaired, whining

There always seems to be something pertaining to Elijah that is eating on my mind. Currently I have a few thoughts ripping at me constantly.

*Tomorrow Elijah has his appointment with Dr. H, his spine doctor. If his disc has slipped anymore Dr. H may propose surgery to fuse the disc in place.

I sure hope he doesn’t need surgery. Back surgery just isn’t a good thing and at such a young age.

But, I keep having these thoughts that IF he does have the surgery will he be able to go back into football, gymnastics and wrestling? Will he ever be able to play these sports that he loves so much again? Guess these are questions I will have to save for Dr. H tomorrow.

Elijah is more worried about the IV then getting his back cut open. He remembers waking up from his hernia surgery when he was 3 and having the IV with an arm board on to protect it. He did not like it…AT ALL! If he could have, he would have ripped it out.Oh it makes me chuckle now to remeber how mad he was at that darn IV.

*Summer school……….UGH!! His classroom teacher suggested summer school for his reading fluency, ONCE AGAIN!!! GGGRRRRR!!!!! This poor kid is constantly being told he reads too slow. I’m so sick of hearing that, seriously people!! I would really like to make a pair of glasses, blur out the center, put 4 to 5 black spots, representing his blind spots on the lens and tell his teachers to read fast. HE IS NEVER GOING TO READ PRINT AS FAST AS THE REST OF HIS PEERS!!!!

I’m all for helping him improve from his current state. However, I think that we are driving him to despize reading by constantly pushing him and making him do extra work to improve. I want him to enjoy reading.

After looking at his summer camp schedule and summer school schedule he would only be at summer school for at the most days. Does it pay? His teacher says, “Yes, some school is better than no school.” She also stated that if I chose not to send him, she believed I would work with him during the summer. Which if I do not send him I will set up a reading contract with him. I plan on making a reward system for him.

Looking into Elijah’s future he will always read print, large print, but for lengthy reading he will read braille. I believe there will be a time when he is proficient enough in braille that he will read at the same speed as his peers. I would so much rather see him get braille this summer verses reading.

However, braille is not an obtion fr summer school. There will be no vision serves verses his adaptive equipment available to him.

So…do I send him to summer school?

*Called my insurance company on Friday for an update on my CCTV claim. It has yet to go to the review board. I should hear something in 15 to 30 days. THE WAIT IS KILLING ME!

*Counseling continues on Thursday. We thought he would be done, but more and more information about the events his jack*ss of a dad did to him are coming out.

On the way home from our last visit, Elijah started crying. He wanted to know why his dad did these things to him. He asked why his dad has chosen not to see him for 5 years. He also mentioned he is sad to see his friends with their dads and seeing Andrew and PooWee go to see their dads.

I told Elijah that I honestly can’t tell him I know how it feels to not have a dad around, because my dad was always there for me. I told him it hurts me to see him have so much pain and I wish I knew how to help him. I ensured him that it was NOT HIS FAULT his father does not see him. I believe his father is running away from the mistakes he made verses facing them. His father has decided not to do supervised visitation and parenting classes because then he would have to confess to his errors.

I’d be lieing if I said I’d like to see his father come back into his life. Maybe I’m a bit selfish here. If his father ever comes back into his life, I just see more pain for Elijah. However, if Elijah ever wants to try and reconnect with him, I will support his decision. I will make sure the contact is done slowly and in the proper manner.

I’m hoping that Elijah’s counselor will work on these feelings with him more on Thursday.

*We’re crossing our fingers I can switch shift with someone so we can go to the VisionWalk in Milwaukee on May 31. All proceeds go to retinal diseases…how could we not go, Elijah has a retinal disease.

It would be a long day for us. Milwaukee is about 4 hours from us, we would need to leave about 4-5 am and I’m sure we wouldn’t get home until late. BUT IT WOULD BE SO EXCITING AND REWARDING!!! I WANNA WANNA WANNA GO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BAD!!!!!

*Elijah is currently working on a piece of artwork to enter for the American Printing House for the Blind InsightArtwrk Competition.

They choose artwork for calendars, cards and some for an exhibit at the museum.

I’ll be sure to post a picture of his finished piece.

GOOD LUCK ELIJAH!!!

Well, that’s about all…for now.

Elijah, Elijah, Elijah, he sure know how to keep me on my toes! I just so very much wish he didn’t have to go through all that he does. I try to live by the good ‘ol saying, “God only hands you what he feels you can handle.” Perhaps God knows that Elijah is strong enough and special enough to handle all that life hs handed him in his short 10 years he been here.

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PooWee’s New Obsession!

February 25, 2009 · Filed under Parenting, PooWee, life, whining

HELP! The Poo Man is now known as the Poopy Man!

He realizes when he poops and for some reason CONSTANTLY STICKS HIS HANDS IN HIS DIAPER!!!

Perhaps he does this because he then gets a bath and gets to play with the shower hose?! I don’t know, but I sure hope it doesn’t last much longer.

He does attempt to clean up himself. Wipes are all over and not to mention smeard poopoos! YUCK!

Today he grabbed his cloth diaper liners. He couldn’t pull one off so an entire roll is all over my room. I was only right in the kitchen too. He was on my bed taking a nap at the time. I now have to wash my sheets and comforter.

Potty training…well, I wouldn’t call it training. We are just going with the flow! He goes pee very well. He has no problems going if he is naked. He runs right in.

Pooping is another story. He’s still uncomfortable with sitting on the potty. But, that is getting better.

If  he has a diaper on there are times he reacts to having to go pee and will run to the potty other times he takes full advantage of the diaper.

BUT WHY MUST HE PLAY WITH HIS POOP?!

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Elijah’s New Friend

July 3, 2008 · Filed under Elijah, Parenting

So, Elijah has a new friend. We’ll call him Bill. This friend lives by my substitute sitters, (Shelly) house. My regular sitter has taken a few weekends off this summer, so Elijah has become pretty good friends with Bill.

Bill worries me. I don’t believe he is a good influence for Elijah. Actually, I know he can be a negative influence on Elijah. They can however play very well and have lots of fun.

Bill slept over one night. We went swimming, out to eat and rented movies and video games. The boys had a blast and didn’t have one little disagreement. When it was time to clean up the living room the following day, Bill just sat there. I asked him a few times to help Elijah pick up the mess both of them made, he still just sat. I did tell him that at my house, you need to pick up the mess you make. He then just wanted to go home. He lives about 15 blocks away and I wouldn’t let him walk. I had been planning on taking him home shortly, when Andrew came back with the car and PooWee woke up. He called his mother and she said it was OK for him to walk home by himself. Personally, I wouldn’t let my 9 year old walk that far by himself.

I talk with Elijah about Bill coming over again. Bill needs to respect my rules. I also had to talk about Elijah’s sassy mouth. He sure was a sas-bucket. He stated that he was only joking, but I made it clear I did not like it.

Last weekend Elijah wanted to spend the night at Bill’s house. I agreed. Well, Elijah has confided in me that there were some “not so good” things that accrued.

Bill’s older brother, John babysat them because Bill’s parents went to the bar. (And came home drunk.) Shelly has informed me that John has just gotten back home from being away for a year. Not sure if he was in Foster Care or a detention center.  Now, IF my kids had a friend sleep over and I went out and had some else babysit, I would make the parent aware I was not going to be home and someone else was going to be watching the kids. So, I was somewhat shocked, but everything was fine. Elijah said John was pretty nice.

The part that worries me the most is Elijah and Bill were able to rome the neighborhood all they wanted without informing anyone where they were. They ventured to a fireworks tent and BOUGHT some. This is illegal and I have spoken to the police that minors were sold fireworks at this place. 

I am very concerned that Elijah told me Bill also STOLD some fireworks. Elijah stated Bill said he was going to take some and Elijah told him not to. Then as they were walking to Bill’s house Bill pulled some out of his pocket. Elijah wanted to ask him for them, so he could sneak them back to the dealer, but feared the dealer would think he took them.

I talked with Shelly about speaking to Bill’s parents about him stealing. She told me not to bother, “they wouldn’t care anyways.”

Bill stold a lighter from his parents and was lighting the fireworks off without supervision. Elijah said he was worried Bill was going to start a fire, but did admit it was “fun too.” Bill’s younger brother told his parents he was lighting off fireworks. The father just yelled at him to stop, but NEVER TOOK THE LIGHTER AND FIREWORKS AWAY!!!!

Elijah stated that John taught Bill to steal. He also taught him to smoke last summer, but Bill doesn’t smoke anymore. (Yes, he’s only 9!) Bill really likes John and it’s obvious John is an influence on him.

I did meet Bill’s mother prior to him sleeping over. She came outside and we chatted some. Her appearance seemed dirty and she appeared to be very tired. She did mention that she was cleaning and had no sleep the night before. Now, I have the thought that possible she was “high” and hadn’t bathed for sometime. I hate to judge though.

When I went to pick up Elijah after he slept over, I met Bill’s father. He was a “ruff” looking man. Didn’t speak to me at all. He just yelled, “BILL GET YOUR D*MN A*S IN HERE, ELIJAH’S MOTHER IS HERE! NOW!” I waited in the car.

I’ve discussed the negatives of this friendship with Elijah. He argues he’s not going to do the “bad stuff Bill does”. I trust him, but am aware he can be influenced to do them. I also see Elijah as being a POSITIVE influence on Bill. I fear risking Elijah positive behavior, by letting him hang out with Bill.

I have agreed to let the friendship continue under the rule he does not go to any type of store without an adult with them. He is to play with Bill at Shelly’s house or our house ONLY. Elijah is anger at me for this decision. He INSISTS he’s not going to steal. I’ve explained that even if he doesn’t know Bill stold something, he could get into trouble for being with Bill. It hasn’t helped much, Elijah still sees it as a negative. I have basically told him, he either excepts my decision or I end the friendship entirely.

I think Bill is growing up in a household that doesn’t monitor him as much as I monitor my kids. His parents don’t seem do do much disciplining, hence him doing whatever he wants. I don’t want to label the family as being trouble makers, but that what appears to be the case.

So…what would you do?

I somewhat feel I’m risking Elijah’s good behavior to try and give Bill some positive influences. I don’t want to jeopardize Elijah in anyway. Right now I trust him with his choices and will watch the friendship closely. He has agreed to communicate issues with me. Though I do fear he may not tell me something in fear of me ending the friendship.

Elijah leaves on Sunday for two weeks. He’s home for two days and then leaves for another week. I’m happy to say that’s three weeks of not having to worry about them hanging out.

 

 

 

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