Archive for me

College? Again?

November 1, 2009 · Filed under Family, life, me

Throughout the last few days I’ve been contemplating the idea of returning to school. The last time I thought of this was right before I became pregnant with PooWee. (Which may have even played a factor in my adoption plan.)

I never really thought I would return anymore. Like being 35 is too old. :) I’ll admit I’m not overjoyed about having to start from square one again. Being over 10 years since I was last in college, none of my credits will transfer. Oh joy joy to all the gen eds and electives that I really don’t need nor want to do.

I’d prefer to just slam it all in at once. Jam pack me and let me go to town. But I’m wise enough to know that won’t work.

The way I’m looking at having to cut my income drastically, I’m thinking I might as well just go full out and go back to school. Take the negative situation and try to turn it positive.

I’m checking out grants and funds. Thinking I should atleast call make an appointment and see if this is even a possibility.

Then there is the decision on what to become? What exactly do I want to do for the rest of my life?

I’m in healthcare now, but…UGH! If I’m going to school I’d like to just get out of here! There is somewhat of a job security in healthcare, but still….UGH! Let me run if I can.

There’s the whole adoption interest in my life. I’ve thought of being a social worker. Is that something that I would be interested in 30 years from now though too? It could be a pretty heart wrenching job. Joy and sorrow that could wear me down.

On the other hand, I have plenty of options in social work.  

Art would be great. Fiber art even better. Get a job though. To be successful enough to be able to raise a family. Don’t think so.

I’m leaning towards something in helping the visually impaired. Not sure if that would be teaching or something else. It’s a passion of mine, for obvious reason. One that I don’t believe will ever leave me.

I’m struggling though. We aren’t rich by any means. But we are living comfortably. We get some extras, but aren’t spoiled either. I’ll have to play my cards right. I’m sure the kids will be upset when I tell them the cable will be shut off. Who needs cable anyways?!—ME! :)  Of course there’s other ways we can spend our money more wisely.

Guess I’m just looking at my options right now. Not sure what I’m going to do. I do know that the clock is ticking and I am running out of time to figure out what to do!

*One bonus for the blog if  I do go to school is my writing should improve! I’m the first to admit I’m a lazy writer/typer. Sorry to all that bear through it. I’m usually just happy to get a post out. :)

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Dilemma(s)

October 29, 2009 · Filed under Andrew, Elijah, Family, G-ma Marcy, My Boys, PooWee, Ranting, fustration, life, me, venting, whining, work

What’s my dilemma? Work! Work-smork-bork!

I’ve got to figure out what I’m going to do with my work schedule and soon.

Here’s the deal, my sitter has quite babysitting on Sundays. Andrew has been watching them every other Sunday and my mom the other. PooWee’s dad gets him every other Sunday afternoon until I get done with work. This is usually the Sunday Grandma has the boys.

Grandma is headed to Arizona for about 2 months in a few weeks. Andrew works the Sunday that he doesn’t get the boys. He also doesn’t commit to sitting until the Saturday before.

I’ve called way to many sitters to count. Either they have no openings or they don’t sit on Sundays. I do have one more number to call, however she is a 20 min drive the opposite direction. Last resort!

I also need to find someone/thing for Eli on Fridays. He needs to be taken to school and pick up and dealt with until I’m done with work. There is after school childcare, they won’t commit to just taking him on “just Fridays” until 2 weeks prior to the date I need them. What if they are full?

My current sitter keeps the boys until 1 hr prior to me being done at work. During the summer she agreed to keeping them longer. I’m worried she may not feel that way now, seeing she is already cutting her hours of sitting.

I need to work 24 hours of a weekend to maintain my extra pay as weekend only. Which is a large amount per hour.

I could….

1-Cut my hours from 36 to 24. Perhaps by not working Sundays. But still stuck with Eli’s situation on Fridays.

2-Go off of weekend only. Would have to work a day and a pm shift. Plus work every third weekend. New babysitter issues open up there. Not to mention that I despise the thought of my kids not being in their own beds at night.

Looks like no matter what I do I will be decreasing my budget dramatically. I will have the money that I pay my mother for sitting, but that doesn’t compare to the loss in wages.

I also work any and all holidays that fall on a weekend. Sure, this is nice for a few years, but starting this year it’s not that nice. I have to work Christmas and New Years day.

PooWee will go by his dad on Christmas day. I’m doubting they will take him as early as I would need them too though. Here too, he says, “we’ll talk when it gets closer.”

My heart breaks for Eli. As Eli really has no one. My niece did send the message through Grandma that she would take him if I didn’t find anything else. AWESOME offer, just feel that Eli may be uncomfortable. She’s the only person he would know as she will be with her “other” side of her family. I’ve threatened my mother that I was going to fly him to Arizona for Christmas! (She can’t get away that easy!) LOL

Andrew was more than willing to hang with Elijah until he got word that he too has to work.

I’m crossing my fingers that one girl at work will switch Thanksgiving for Christmas. Unfortunately, she is on Family Medical Leave for an undetermined amount of time.

It doesn’t look like Motrin will be taken out of my diet for a while. I’m sick of the headaches! SERIOUSLY, why does my head have to keep reminding me of everything going on?

I’m ready to say, “Screw it all! Watch out Coco here we come!!!” :) LOL!

Another thought was to look into dropping the hours and look at going to school again.

I guess only time will tell!

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From Bad to Better

October 28, 2009 · Filed under Blind, Elijah, life, me, visually impaired

Some weight lifted off of my shoulders after the meeting on Mon. concerning Elijah at school. It turned out to be a rather informative meeting.

I still don’t understand why they call it a Function Behavior Assessment (FBA). Then to add to that all the information a person finds on my state’s Department of Public Instruction on a FBA gives examples such as uncontrollable acting out in class. Which does not match Elijah at all.

I did go in to the meeting with a negative attitude. Left with a more positive one. I expressed this to everyone present. They too agree that the description of a FBA should be change. Our case being a good  example.

In the end, things are going to be changing. 

Here, his classroom teacher is doing what she feels she needs to do to better his education.  She tells him to get his monocular, to use his SenseView, or to move to the front, because she thought this was best. However, she now realizes that at times it may be more of a distraction to him to use these things than verses to just listen. Elijah has already “figured” figured this out and has chosen the best way for him to learn.

She had a moment of clarity when she mentioned that for Social Studies she does all the reading outloud to the class. She then stated that Eli participates in Social Studies more than any other subject. And here for all the other subjects she “making” him use his technology when he may be better off without it.

The Art teacher will be spoken to about the comments she has made to Elijah. His vision and the best way to educate him will be told to her and the Science teacher as well. When a teacher does a demonstration in front of the class, they are going to have to use more descriptive words to go with their actions. If Eli were to get close enough to see what they are doing, none of the class would see.

I had an upsetting moment and of course it was with the principal. She was talking about the 5th graders movie that they had earned. She hosts these movies and makes popcorn for them.

She was aware of Elijah’s need to be a self advocate, so she didn’t inform him that she had a smaller TV for him to watch the movie on. She stated she just let him sit where he wanted and that was that.

I then asked her, “How is he suppose to know he can ask for something when he doesn’t even know it’s an option? He’s been attending this school for 3 years and has never been able to watch what the other kids are watching.”

I got a nod and a wink from his VI teacher. :)

The principal’s actions kinda upset me. Here Eli could have watched what he had earned just like the other kids. But, it’s almost as if her little game of  “Eli advocating for himself” he was denied it.

I was happy when he told me he had already seen the movie and didn’t like it anyways.

My advocate made mentioned that Eli is an example of a good husband. In that he does what he is told and doesn’t say another word. :) (Am I raising a god one or what?) But, he does need to learn that he can tell a teacher that he feels he doesn’t need to use a certain item in a situation, if he feels he’s better off without it.

I still have my concerns with school. I’m watching keeping a close eye on the situations with BoyA and BoyB closely. Eli tells me everything so it’s not too hard.

Infact BoyA was making remarks today about being able to beat the crap out of Eli,  and his two friends. One of Eli’s friends told him there was no way he could. So BoyA said, “Monday after school I’ll prove it.” Eli’s friend took him up on the offer.

Personally, I strongly believe BoyA would be eating his words. But this fight will never happen. BoyA’s parents will be in the front of the car line and he will be straight out to them. There’s a part of me that wants to send out a warning to the teacher or principal, but do I get involved when it’s not even my kid and the odds of this actually even happening are so very, very slim. BoyA has talked so much smack in the past that ya just gotta laugh at this one too.

I also have my concerns with Eli’s academic levels. I’m still confused as to how he can score in the outstanding, or above grade level on state tests or IQ test, yet they only teach him at “basic” level. I know, I know….welcome to public schools.

Are there any volunteers who are teachers for the visually impaired, teach braille and do orientation and mobility lesson out there who would work with my Eli. I would bring him home and homeschool him in a heartbeat. He would be so free to excel and achieve way more than the education he is currently getting.

 Next step is for the classroom teacher, VI teacher and principal to sit down and talk about the future changes for Eli. Then they will meet up in a few weeks again to discuss the changes. Eli and I will attend and give our input as well. Another FBA will be held, probabl with the IEP (for next year) towards the end of this school year.

Eli’s IEP (full review) is duein June. I do have the option of having his the “IQ” tests retaken. I would like to, because I don’t feel the school supported the results. In SECOND GRADE the kid had an auditory comprehension  equivalent to 8.8 grade level! And they first figure out NOW that he does better with just listening verses fighting to get his SenseView in focus?!

Yet, should Ihave Eli pulled from class numerous of times for some test scores that aren’t taken into consideration anyways?

I’mglad this meeting has turned out the way it did. I’m looking forward to the next meeting andsee hear from Eli how things are going.

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Life Continues

October 24, 2009 · Filed under Andrew, Elijah, Family, My Boys, Parenting, Ranting, fustration, life, me, venting, whining

It’s been just as if not more chaotic since my last post.

Andrew is getting settled in his new lil pad. He loves  being out on his own. He’s grown so much in these past few weeks. Everyone has told me that kid’s start coming out of the teen attitudes and drama around the age of 22 or 24. Andrew has appeared to have already made that step.

He’s doing some babysitting for me on Sundays, as my sitter decided to stop sitting on Sundays. (UGH!) He is so much nicer to Eli than when he was at home. Eli loves just going over to Andrew’s place and sitting around. Eli also like both of Andrew’s room mates. I think he feels like one of the guys.

Speaking of Andrew’s new home. It’s the apartment that Eli’s dad had when he did all that horrible stuff to Eli. Andrew took caution in taking Eli there. We knew it could cause some horrible memories to trigger, but could also be therapeutic and show Eli that “it’s all in the past.”

Eli had done well with it. He has admitted to recalling what the place looked like 6 years ago. He got a bit freaked out, but got himself back under control. I believe it’s been more therapeutic than anything.

PooWee still and probably always will think that Andrew and his friends are the coolest people in the entire world. He doesn’t even want to come home with me! :(

I don’t believe I’ve told you all about our newest family member. I’ve been holding off due to wanting to post pictures. BUT, somethings up with my beloved computer AGAIN! (New one on the to get list from taxes!) I can’t get my camera to download my full memory card to the computer! And well…I haven’t really had the time to mess with the computer either.

Anyways….

Eli got a puppy for his birthday!

Yes, I am well aware that I MUST HAVE BEEN OUT OF MY MIND!!! I’m still trying to figure out what I was exactly thinking.

Puppy’s name is Kadin. Eli choose it after two to three days of trying out different names. Kadin means companion and Eli liked that. It fits the little guy.

Kadin is a pug (momma) and boston terrier (dadda) mix. AKA a Bugg.

Kadin is full of piss and vinegar. He loves to attack PooWee. Poor PooWee has Kadin marks all over.

Kadin and Eli started their puppy classes on Thurs. Though Kadin thought that attacking the cute lil girl puppy was more fun then listening. He is such a male.

Eli has done well with poop and pee duties. We are training him to go inside and outside. Just when we think we had an awesome day, he proves us wrong. He is gated out of all carpeted areas, BUT has now figured out how to JUMP the gates.

Kadin and Eli are truly going to be great buddies!

I can’t wait to show you all some pictures of the little shit. Plus, I got a gross one that will make you laugh!  :) He’s a creative lil guy as well!

Got this (stupid, annoying, nonsense…etc) FBA meeting at Eli’s school on Monday morning. I have yet to figure out how or why we need it. Someone tell me why MY request to meet with the classroom teacher and principal to discuss BoyA and BoyB’s relationship with Eli has turned in to THEIR CONCERNS being addressed. They won’t discuss anything about these boys.

And let me tell you…if his classroom teacher walks in plops in her chair, folds her arms across her chest and has the same glare she wore at the past meeting, I WILL FLIP OUT!! We are here BECAUSE of her and then to walk in with such an attitude. Like I’m wasting her time! Oh lady – you haven’t even seen the b*tch that I can be yet!

Eli’s VI teacher, K and I have talked at length about all this. I so do love her! This is the first FBA she’s been involved in, and she’s been teaching VI students for 33 years. She’s heard it’s a long dragged out process. LOVELY…just lovely!

My advocate will be joining us. I have mixed feeling about her. Though she is very nice, well informed on the laws, and has taught me a lot. She is an “in your face” type of personality. I really don’t care what she says to the classroom teacher or the principal, as I don’t have too many nice thoughts about them right now myself. But, she has gotten rude with K a few times. THAT BOTHERS me! K knows what she is doing and I trust her with all my heart.

Eli and I will meet with our advocate prior to this meeting. I trying to find the correct words to inform her that I want her to be nice. I want everyone to “play nice in the sandbox”. :)

Hopefully after this meeting, I’ll be able to sleep! I really miss my sleep!

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I Can’t Take ANYMORE

October 10, 2009 · Filed under Andrew, Blind, Elijah, Family, My Boys, Parenting, PooWee, Ranting, fustration, life, me, venting, visually impaired, whining

I’m stressed out! Like so stressed all I want to do is cry, yet I’m too angry to cry or the tears just won’t come, or I don’t have time to cry.

At work on Friday, it was time for lunch…I realized I hadn’t eaten since Wednesday evening. Thursday was so full of events and drama, I fed the kids and never fed myself.

Andrew and his father got into “it” big time and his father pretty much kicked him out. I’m actually surprised he managed to hang out there as long as he did. He is staying with friends right now and is looking for his own place.

He wasn’t prepared to move out, so I’ve hit the bank account to help him out. I think I bought him more groceries than I gave us at home. Perhaps he’ll make a supper or two for us. :)

PooWee is looking at PreK in December. :( I’m not overjoyed about it. As I don’t think kids need school at the age of three. I can teach him what he needs to know. I figured I’d homeschool him as I did the other two. They both turned out to be above grade level when they did enter school. Their social interactions were just fine too.

However, he’ll be too old for  the Birth to 3 program for speech therapy and will need to go to school for therapy. I don’t have all the details yet. Technically, it’s not even official. His current speech therapist said I should be getting information soon to set up the IEP process. (Oh the IEP!) I’m glad this time around I know what IEP even stands for. I know what to expect and how it “all” works. Just instead of vision, I’m dealing with speech. More to learn there though.

He’s missing his last sylable of most of his words, and missing majority of his vowel sounds. Yes, he talks backwards Polish. (No offense to the Polish! :)   ) He’ll tell you a story. His sweet lil face as serious as can be. It’s so hard to look at him and say, “Honey, I don’t know what your saying. I’m sorry!”  You can often get the jits of wht he’s saying, but I just really want to know all that he has to say.

There is a guilt within me that I passed this on to him. I pray he doesn’t go through all the teasing I did in early grade school. Actually, if he does my heart tells me he is a stronger lil guy than I was and can handle more than I did. If not watch out teasers because he’s got a mean punch in him. :)

Life with Eli has brought more than I think I can handle sometimes. It feels like everytime I turn around something new is hitting me in the face.

I’m not even sure where I begin. I’m even sort of sick of talking about everything that is racking up on us. I feel overwelmed just thinking about typing it all out.

Let’s start with school. UGH! I wish I could just pull him out and give him the education I feel he deserves. One that he will thrive in, learn at his own pace and will challenge him.

New year, new teacher, more difficulties!

For the past year Eli has been having “issues” with two particular boys at school. (We’ll call them BoyA and BoyB)

BoyA and Eli use to be friends. Then Eli told BoyA he didn’t want to be his friends because he didn’t like the way he treated him or other kids. Eli chose to hang with his current two best friends. Whom have a “bad” reputation at school. Now last year I was concerned about these new friends because of what the school and parents have all told me. And because of a a few factors that I knew of with one of the boys’ families. However I stand here (or sit really) and say I WAS WRONG! I would much rather my son be friends with these two boys verses his old friend, BoyA.

If I were to ask a teacher about BoyA and they could tell me what they thought, this is what I believe they would say.

 -”He’s the star student. Advanced in all his subjects, gets his homework completed, participates in class, and is an example to the other students. He attends leadership courses. He is involved in sports.

BoyA has a tendency to degrade the Eli. He’s better at everything and anything imaginable than the Eli, so this is what he tells him. BoyA had so much control and authority he tells Eli what postition he’s going to make his dad put Eli in for football.

BoyA likes to do physical stuff to Eli. Like bumping into him as he passed him. If Eli returns the gesture BoyA screams, “OUCH knock it off Eli.” Of course this gets the teachers attention. BoyA is sucessful at getting Eli in trouble.

BoyB is tends to be BoyA’a “tag along”, but he’s more of the physical bully. Pushing, hitting, tripping all that jazz.

Eli and his two friends DON’T TELL, that is their biggest fault. I’ve told Eli, if your not going to tell then you will be the one in trouble.

Most of the above happened last year. This year I, myself have WITNESSED much of BoyA’s “activities”. I have spoken with his father and mother only to find out that BoyA tells them a completely different story as to wait I witnessed. Of course, their child is sweet and innocent and I’m the one with the bully child.

Now I’m not saying Eli is completely innocent. Ask him, he will tell you when he does something wrong. But, I will tell you he doesn’t lie. I believe him with all my heart. Throughout these past few weeks I have questioned his truth, but then I am confirmed by others that he is being truthful.

In the last few weeks I have witnessed BoyA (at football) scream demands at Eli and his friends. I was in complete shock. I  so should have said, “Who in the hell are you to tell them what to do?” instead I turned away and his dad (assistant coach) told him to calm down. Then BoyA went over to Eli and hit him with his chest (as if to start a physical fight)as Eli was standing line and BoyA should have been on the other end of the field. Of course BoyA’s parents believe that Eli pushed him on his shoulder because that’s what he told them.

Upon leaving football BoyA was degrading Eli and his friends because they were talking about Reading Buddies. BoyA thought it was appropriate to inform them how much better he is at reading then them and how they suck. Two of us parents told them to calm down and stop. Everyone did except BoyA. BoyA continued on, but only to change the subject to how bad of a center Eli is and that he will no longer be “his” center. (BoyA of course plays quarterback. Personally, I think it’s only because Daddy is assistant coach. Actually, I should say WAS an assistant coach as he hasn’t been to any more games or practices since the time he was screaming at the kids so badly. – AH-we have a connection here, don’t we?!

Well, to continue on with the drama. BoyB decided to grab Eli’s leg as he was getting up from the floor to change positions. Eli fell forward, got up and pushed him back. Now, I’m not saying what Eli did was right, BUT I understand why he did. He is fed up with the….BULLSHIT!

Eli (and BoyB) get sent to the principals office. (I’m not aware of BoyB’s punishment or what the principal all had to say to him.) Eli had to watch a video on be a bully. The principal told him he was a “gang faultality, he should stick up for his friends, can’t continue only hang out with his two best friends, etc. I did have a lil talk with the principal. She will no longer be talking to my son without me present or atleast on the phone.

And of course principal feels Eli is “insecure with is visual impairment” and that is why he is behaving this way. So, she calls an IEP meeting.

Which is no longer an IEP, but will be a meeting to go over Eli so everyone is on the right path. Right path? – Well, you see Eli’s classroom teacher feels he’s not using his technology enough. She thinks his video magnifier should be used to view the TV when they are watching a video. (It soean’t work for that.) He is out of luck and just has to listen to the video. (But of course is expected to get as much information from it as the other students.)

She also feels he needs to start moving closer to the board when she is working on it or she is using the overhead. Eli’s response, “Why should I when I can’t see it anyways.” Very understandable. But now I ask, why does he have to “just listen” when there is technology out there that will allow him to also SEE what the other students are seeing.  He’s expected to learn the same amount they do, but with less visual intake.

So all this must of course mean there is something “up” with his behavior. So, now they are requesting a behavior assessment. Which at this point I have said NO to. Oh, they also asked for records from his therapist. Funny, how the school loves to dig deeper than they need to.

I let it all out on his vision teacher, K. (Again SORRY K!) Why is it that I have been asking and asking about his reading for nearly two years now. I also seem to get a “keep her happy” answer. But when the school says, “WWAAAA!” action is taken immediately?! At the end of last year his teacher told us he NEEDS to read atleast 15 minutes a day or he would start to fall behind. Now, someone please tell me how in two years the school could let a Gifted and Talented reader fall to “almost behind.” I am insisting on a reading evaluation, a straight answer and I don’t want to hear SHIT about his fluency. I don’t care if he reads at a 1st grade speed! I want to know how he is comprehending. And if he has fallen that much, how they are going to rectify this situation.

I will NOT sign a release for his therapy records. As our therapist stated, alot of what we talk about in therapy is NONE OF SCHOOLS BUSINESS. But, he has agreed to verbally talk to them, if they wish and I agree. He will only tell them things he feels will assist with school. But, I will be sure to remind them, THEY will pay for his time… NOT ME!

I’ve tried for over a year to get the school to recognize that Eli and his friends are not always the one’s starting trouble. That they often are the victims of bullying and degrading comments. They don’t believe their prize student (BoyA) could be doing such stuff and blow me off. Without Eli and his friends telling it’s hard. Plus the fact that they often don’t get the chance to tell their side of the story, or choose to just take the consequences verses sticking up for themselves, doesn’t make it easy for me to get the info through. Truthfully, I don’t think that the school would believe my boy anyways.

Well, I’m letting the school know. I am now becoming the tattle tail and I will become the pain in their butt until they start looking in to every and any situation I tell them about.

BoyA’s parents are good friends with (new one!) BoyC. BoyC is now accusing Eli of smashing him in the helmet with his head and hurting him , where he was crying all night long after football practice the other night. (BoyA’s mother is the one that informed me of this.) BoyC’s parents have yet to say a thing about it to me, or the coach. When I confronted Eli, he was completely clueless to what I was talking about. He didn’t do anything to BoyC. But, of course he is being blamed.

Other things these parent sare blaming Eli (and his two friends) for are…constantly fooling around during practice, making the team having to run more, hurting all their co-players, causing BoyB to quite the team because they teased him too much. (Oh yeah BoyB – his parents are friends with BoyA and BoyC too.- HHMMM another connection)

Per football coach (whom I have spoken with and they have not) Eli does NOT cause the team to run extra, he does not feel Eli would intentionally hit BoyC. He likes Eli and said that he is a very good player. He’s tuff and can stand his ground and more.

Eli is 105 pounds and short. He is the only one on the team that can consistently take down the biggest guy, who is 140 pounds and about a foot and a half taller tham Eli. You will often hear the coach telling the team that how much Eli is getting through the line. “Hey, somebody hold Eli back would ya? Don’t let Eli through, get him down this time!”

BoyA’s father use to (before his yelling got him kicked out of coaching) coach the defensive players. I never heard him say, “Wow good job Eli.” Instead it was, “Come on Eli you know how to do it!” (Gee-another connection to BoyA’s degrading remarks to my son.) 

But holy man like light and day once the main coach took over teaching defense, my E-man is a STAR! The coach is very impressed with him.

At practice you can feel the tention each and everytime Eli breaks through the offensive line and tackles BoyA to the ground before he gets the chance to even see where to throw the ball. BoyA will cry and scream at Eli, because you know…Eli did SOMETHING wrong. BoyA has cries every practice, he yells at everyone that knocks him down. 

BoyA, BoyC and two other sets of parents like to hang out and talk about Eli and his two friends. They make it very well known. I think they are worse than the kids.

 

Thursday nights practice has been haunting every since. 

Towards they end of practices the boys get to play a game the coach calls Deer and Wolves. Wolves need to tackle all the Deer to the ground.

Eli was laying low during practice this day as he hurt his back during school. (Not pertaining to his disk that was slipping. That has been stable for over a year. Which is why he was cleared to join football by his spine doctor.) The coach knew this and reminded the boys all practice to be a bit more careful with Eli because he had hit his back earlier in the day.

Back to Deer and Wolf. Again Eli was a Wolf, he wore the blue cap on his helmet,he was to tackle the other kids  who did not have a blue cap on, the Deer. Eli was towards the outside trying to find a Deer. Being dark he can’t see doo doos, but if one were to go right in front of him, he’d get them.

Out of the blue this DEER runs in and tackles Eli onthe right side, Eli flies off the ground and slams down on his back. I saw it all. I run out there, yell for the game to stop, look up at the father of the kid that hit him, (Eli laid right in front of him) and asked him for help.

He looked at me. I heard him tell his kid he wasn’t suppose to hit him so hard, and HE WALKED AWAY! Where did he walk to you ask? He walked over to BoyA’s father, BoyC’s mother and laughed with them! I overhear BoyC’s mother say VERY LOUDLY, (she wanted us to hear) “Well, atleast one of our kids didn’t get injured tonight!” Now, I also have to mention that BoyA’s father is an EMT. Yet, he didn’t move an inch towards Eli. Who by the way was screaming, his right leg was tingly and numb and he was holding his back.

One of the coaches did make it over. Eli got to his feet and limped his way to the car. I had his spinal doctor paged. Waited over an hour for his page. Without a response I took Eli to the ER. The doctor managed to look at Eli a whole two minutes, proceeded to tell me it was a muscle injury. I stressed the FACT that he had a bad disk right where the pain was. But nothing worked and he pretty much walked out on me.

I paged his spinal doctor AGAIN, I was so uncomfortable with Eli’s state and wanted his disk looked at. Spinal doctor’s reply, “What do you want me to do about it tonight. Come to the office on Tuesday.”

So, Eli is back on his crutches as he was way in the beginning (almost two years ago) with his back pain. He can’t walk very well without them without alot of pain. He’s surviving on over the counter pain medication every 6hrs. Though he could use some sooner.

He wanted to go to school on Friday against my wishes. He did well. He had to endure BoyC laughing at him and making comments to his friends. He had to hear from other firends how BoyA explained how Eli was crying when it happened.

FUROSIOUS MOTHER that I have turned into immediately emailed the teacher about these boys. The teacher forwarded the email to the principal. Who called my cell phone (even thought the teacher knew I was at work) telling me that we have a problem because BoyA wasn’t in school all day. He was at leadership. (HA-what a leader!) Clarified with Eli and BoyA returned during Math class. Called and left voice mail to principal about clarification and sternly stated I AM DONE WITH THIS BOYS ACTIONS. I will be reporting everything and if it happens during school I will expect them to investigate the situation.

I’m not playing nice anymore. Nice has gotten me no where. Now, I’m pissed and the pissed off Rhonda will not be happy until these situations come to an end.

I’ve had several conversations with the football coach who too is very concerned and distaught at what took place. He too sees the personality I see with BoyA. BoyA is smart though, I’ll give him that. He plays the good game when the teachers are around. Coach is very concerned about Eli.

My fear…that on Tues we will find out that Eli’s disk has slipped more. I think even if Eli didn’t have a bad disk, he would have been severly injured with as hard as this kid hit him. We had been told that if his disk slipped any further, he would need surgery. I feel so very sad for Eli. As he loves football, and HE’S GOOD AT IT! Plus it’s one out of how many sports that he WILL be able to continue playing for his school years with his blindness. Now, if he needs surgery on his back, will he ever play again. Will surgery be the “fix all” and he can return to playing next year? Eli also heard the parents laughing and the comments made. How could grown adults be happy that he was hit so badly? How could an EMT NOT come and help and injured child, even IF he didn’t like that child? How can someone walk away from a mother asking them to help he injured child? I can’t help but wonder if this “accident” was triggered by parents. Am I wrong to think this? I feel wrong! But, why would this kid do this when he wasn’t even suppose be a a F-ing Wolf  doing the tackling?

Why does Eli have to suffer so much? What has he ever done to have one thing after another happen to him? WHY?! And please don’t tell me God only gives us what we can handle. Or everything happens for a reason. I’m angry, I’m hurt, I’m tired and I just want this all to go away!

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Change

September 16, 2009 · Filed under Andrew, Blind, Elijah, Family, My Boys, Parenting, PooWee, adoption, life, me, visually impaired, whining, work

I just shared my blog address with my niece. HI BROOKE!!! :)

It’s made me think of the change my blog has gone through.

Initially it started out as a blog about my boys. But, mainly about PooWee. About the most painful time of my life. A time that I think of daily. A time that I still cry about to this day. A time when no one in my real life understood me. No one knew what I was feeling. How could I still be in so much pain when I had my PooWee in my arms. I had decided to parent him. Nobody IRL understood my pain. 

But, with this blog…strangers helped me through that period in my life. Strangers reached me with their comments and especially their ((HUGS))! I am forever grateful to you all, and you know who you are! I’m not sure I would be as stable as I am now with my adoption experience if it weren’t for you guys! Honestly…I’ll NEVER forget you! 

Now, it seems to be turning into a blog about … my Elijah! (With some mentionhere and there about the rest of us.:) )It’s quit apparent there is tons to say about him. I’ll say it as I always do…I always seem to be talking about Elijah, because there is always something to say about him. I could talk forever about his accomplishments or defeats. He trucks on though, whatever is handed to him in life.

We started learning about Eli’s vision when PooWee was a few months old. It’s been about 2 1/2 years now. I still feel somewhat “dumb” when it comes to what to do for him. Who do I listen to, where do I go to ask about something. New things pop into my head everyday. Someone will suggest something else. My brain just gets so overwhelmed, I don’t know what to do.

As with all my boys, I want them to have the world. I can’t give them the world. It’s not mine to give.

I want my boys to live a healthy fulfilling life. I don’t care if they are doctors or a sales clerk. If they are happy and fulfilled with what they are doing, I’ll be happy. I want them to appreciate the small things and feel grateful for the big things.

I get sad when Andrew says I baby Eli. Honestly, I don’t think I do. He just needs more of me. He has more and different needs in life. Andrew hasn’t grasped that concept yet. Instead he remembers walking to school all by himself in 5th grade. Then looks at Eli who can’t step outside by himself, because he fears something bad will happen to him. I try to keep in mind that though Andrew is an adult, he still is a kid. He’s a fresh 18 year old that still holds on to the teen attitude. He’ll “get it” later…right?!

I think things would be different had Andrew grown up with Eli having the blindness since birth. PooWee…it’s normal to him. If Eli is taking up most of the TV or computer screen, PooWee just looks at the area Eli has left for him. (Usually Eli doesn’t even realize he’s “hogging” the screen. Once you ask him to step over, he does so with no problem.) PooWee knows Eli’s eyes aren’t good. We tell him that Eli has sick eyes. That he can’t see good. PooWee points at them and says, “OOOWWWEEE eyes.”

PooWee loves Eli’s white cane. He’s pretty good at tapping it as he walks too. But, he also knows that when Eli is using it, his hands stay off of it. He doesn’t quite realize that when Eli places a hand on his shoulder that he’s guiding him in the dark. Instead PooWee thinks he wants something and says, “What Ah-Wah?” or “No, let go!” That’ll all come in time. He’s learning as he grows. And with that learning he’s accepting Eli’s blindness.

I’m not exactly sure where I wanted this post to go or where it’s actually headed. I assume I was thinking of how life changes. Whether it’s a small change or a large change…life changes.

Not only did I give my niece my address, but like a handful of other people I know. I somewhat feel exposed now. What will they think after reading all my babble? That I truly am the fruitcake they know in real life!! :)

I think I’m longing for a huge change in my real life. I always wanted to move to warmer weather (like WAY down south) when Andrew graduated high school.

Now, I say I can’t take Eli away from his vision teacher as he has grown very fond of them. He loves them, I know he does. Which in return make me love them even more.

I’ve been pondering the idea again though. Just not WAY down there! Perhaps an hour or two from here.

I’m run down on my job. Been there nine years. I’ve disliked it for nine years. Especially haven’t been able to stand it for the past 2 1/2 years. (We won’t even go there!) I want something new! Something challenging. Like assisting in saving a life isn’t challenging enough. Ha! It’s just seems to be the same ol’ same ol’ thing. Don’t get me wrong, I know what I do is important. I’m there for the doctors and nurses so they can be in by the patient’s. It’s just that someone else can do too. It doesn’t have to be me. I want to move on.

BUT…where am I going to go? WHAT…am I going to do?

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ANYONE AND EVERYONE!!! Please critque my post! This is what I have SO FAR prepared for my talk at our Visually Impaired Family Gathering. Please leave me good and bad comments! Yes I’m begging. I totally do not want to make a fool out of myself! THANK YOU!!!

September 14, 2009 · Filed under Blind, Elijah, Family, Helping others, Just for fun, My Boys, Ranting, fustration, life, me, venting, visually impaired

Before I start, please let me add that it’s been a LOOOONG time since I’ve had to speak infront of a group of people. There will be approximately 30 people at this event and to me that’s ALOT of people to talk in front of. It’s a very relaxed atomsphere and I’m sure I’ll only be glancing at my paper now and then, but I just wanted somewhat of a format to go by.  Thanks TONS for those that put themselves through reading this!  Also, I moderate my comments, just because there have been some very stupid (to put it lightly) ones in the past. Let the “talk” begins…

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I think I may have been one of the only mothers out there that had been dreading the start of school. One because summer seemed just WAY TOO SHORT this year and totally flew by us. And two– HOMEWORK!! Homework can be a huge stressor at our house.

I have not been able to accomodate Elijah’s blindness at home. This is more devastating to me than hearing the doctor tell us that he was legally blind. We have the bear necessities to get by. He’s got magnifying glasses from 4X to 12X, lighted ones, pocket ones, even a dome one. He’s got his own desk with his special lighting. A large supply of erasable pens and bold lined paper. He’s even got 3 pairs of his “signature” sunglasses.

This summer we transformed our home into a dungeon. It was just too bright for him. We went out bought some good blinds, shades or darker curtains and now he can live inside without wearing his sunglasses. Ok here’s one area I was glad to see school start. I get to pull open the these shades and let the sunshine in during the day….well until he gets home that is.

But when it comes to some of his homework, his magnify glasses just don’t just don’t always do the trick. I find they work best with worksheets. Where what he reads and writes are on the same page. Bouncing from his math book to his paper doesn’t work so well. He looses the problem he’s on, misses pernent information like a decimal and he ends up getting very frustrated.

Reading has to be the worse. He’ll test out his different magnify glasses to see what works best with the font of the book. Then he gets upset because the magnify glass is getting all fogged up from his breathing. I try to tell him to just stop breathing, but he doesn’t find my humor in that. I would say it takes him anywhere from 5 to fifteen minutes to read one page in a book.

His school has a reading program he participates in. They need to read 15 minutes a night. It will take him well over a month just to read one book.

When the class is reading a book together and they have to do some independent reading at home. Such as reading to the end of the chapter, that could take him well over an hour at home.

Yes, I am home to help him most of the time. But, helping and doing are two different things. I can’t always sit down and read him his math problems. Read to the end of the chapter for him and help him with any other work he may have.

This year his teacher sent home a letter of what to expect in 5th grade. I found it very interesting when she wrote the criteria for homework is about 10 minutes per grade level. So, this year we are to expect 50 minutes of homework a night. He’s done 3 times that in the past.

Last winter I attended a classes held by Family Voices entitled Did you know? Now you know. How to be a parent advocate for you special needs child. The class went through everything from, daycare to IEPs to medical insurance private and Medicaid and more. I would encourage everyone to attend one of these sessions if at all possible. I learnt so much.  I am very glad I attended them. ( I did hand out the next few sessions in the Pier bulletin)

We’ve been dreaming of a CCTV for home use since the beginning of his diagnosis. He uses one at school, he loves it and definitely know the benefits of it. I was encouraged to make a claim to my private insurance and Eli’s Medicaid for a CCTV by the presenters of the Did you know Now you know sessions. I immediately had Celena HHHRIRHRIR from  ***** as my backbone for anything I needed.

So, I made my claim. Within minutes I was turned down. I asked for a reason. And stated that a CCTV can be considered a durable medical equipment and it is also known by the board of Opt….. to be a prosthetic device. Then I was asked to get a letter from his eye doctor supporting the need for one.

Eli’s eye doctor Dr. W fully supported my claim, I received a letter from him. I faxed his letter and the article I have given you written by Gregg Trapp. I found this article to be very encouraging. 

To no surprise to me the insurance company once again denied the claim. This time they gave me a reason. “A (my employer) was not making any home modifications at this time.”  As you can see in the denial letter, they listed examples of home modifications such as saunas, tanning bed and elevators. I had to laugh at how they put a CCTV under a home modification. Then again I had already shown them that it was a durable medical equipment and a prstethis device, so they had to think of something to deny me under.

Then the appeals process began. This is the part that I could not have done without Clelna.  She is a hero in my book. She started throwing different organizations at me to contact. She was talking to people everywhere she went. She had never assisted with a visually impaired situation before so she was learning as she went too.

I talked to so many different organizations it was crazy. I was even goofing up names and who was from which organization. It ends up that currently I have Disabilty Rights/WI supporting my case. Sue  is my contact person. The appeal letter was sent out this summer and we are once again waiting for my insurance companies response. Sue is preparing her case by getting school records and information from the insurance company. We anticipate Medicaid denyingus too, but haven’t gotten that far yet.

I am so astounded how insurance companies don’t recognize the blind or visually impaired. Not one item have they covered for Eli’s disability. Well, they do cover 80% of his eye exam once a year. However they didn’t cover a dime when we had an extra visit one year because we were concerned about him seeing floaters. Medicaid did pick that one up though.

I find that if we as parents can’t afford the needed items for our children we have to rely on charity. And it’s wonderful that these charities are there. Eli has been very blessed with a portable CCTV the Sense View which he just received from the Kronenwetter Lions thanks to a referral made by his Vision teacher Karen. We can’t thank them enough. But I can’t stop feeling that insurance companies should start helping the blind and visually impaired more. If I brake my ankle they’ll help cover crutches, possibly a surgery, so that I can walk again. But, they won’t help my blind child read a book.

I’ve learnt that patience is the number one necessity throughout this fight. Nothing is going to happen tomorrow. Followed by determination and support from those around you. I can’t tell you the number of times I have broken out into tears only to wake up the next day to make more phone calls and retell Eli’s story to yet another person.

I don’t know what the outcome of this will be. Our dream is to have a CCTV sitting on Eli’s desk. Last winter I said I just couldn’t go through another school year of homework. I was drained, beat up, I hated homework. But, here we are at the start of a new school year and no CCTV yet.

 

 ETA-Within a short time of posting this I had a search engine bring someone here as they searched the question -”Why doesn’t health insurance cover the blind?” Come on people lets fight this battle! They can’t keep refusing the blind!

 

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Just Killing Time!

August 30, 2009 · Filed under Andrew, Elijah, Family, Just for fun, My Boys, life, me

Early Sunday morning at work waiting for the doctors to come in to give me some work to do. I’ve said for years that I should just sleep in on Sundays and they can call me ehtn the doctors decide to start working. BUT NO!! I’m here bright and early waiting and waiting and waiting.

This morning I could be sitting with the RNs chatting away, but ugh, I don’t care for their conversation, so instead I’m at my own lil work station typing away. Not too sure what I plan to write. Guess whatever comes out…is whatcha get!

One more day of summer break. :( I just can not believe how fast this summer went. Sad that we never went camping. Sad that I never got my bike fixed. Sad that we didn’t make it to the pool as much as we have in past years. PooWee really took to the water this year too. Although the weather was not very “summery” either. :(

Andrew will be starting his freshman year of college on Tuesday. I’m in shock! I officially have an adult child! I am so proud of him. And well maybe a little bit proud of myself as well. I did good. Having him at 17, raising him primarily on my own, though his father was always a part of his life we were not together. He’s going to do well in this world. I just know it!

His focus is still engineering. Though he is considering checking out some Psychology courses. I’ve always told him he would make a good social worker or councellor. He’s the “goto friend” when there’s a disagreement amongst his friends, when a friend is dumped by their girl/boyfriend, or when a friend finds out they are expecting a baby. He’s the mediator in his clan and good at it.

Whatever he chooses in life, I have no doubt he will excell and make me even more proud of him.

Elijah is a big 5th grader this year. He’s part of the big wigs this year at his school. Last year in Elemantary school. (Yes, I’m already freaking out about him going to Jr. High next year! But, that’ll be a whole nother post.)

We had his open house last week, dropped off his supplies and chatted with his teacher, Mrs. H.

We already know his desk will need to be moved to a darker location in the room. He’s a bit upset as it was right next to his friend. He’s hoping his friend will move too. :)

He wants to be a crossing guard. It’s just the “cool” thing you get to do in 5th grade. I’ve been telling him that I doubt he will beable to. The last assessment done two years ago said  he can see a moving car from approximately a block away. Not too good when your crossing kids across the street. Mrs. H said they would find an alternative job for him to do. Perhaps he can “man” the playground at recess. She mentioned he could be the “Good Citizen watcher” and award those kids doing well. He was very happy to hear he could still join the crossing gauard crew.

In a letter Mrs. H sent home for parents stated the years expectations. She stated that as a guideline there should be 10 minutes of homework for each grade level. Leaving Eli to expect 50 minutes of homework a night. HHMMM…he sat for HOURS sometimes last year. Yes, his work takes him longer than the “normal” sighted child. I’m already planning on talking to her about what we should expect from him.

I know I’m not going to make him read lengthy readings anymore. I have come to the conclusion that it is just too hard and stressful on him. I am well aware that his teachers are concerned about him falling behind with reading. But as I look at it…there will be a point when he falls behind and can’t read to grade level. HE’S BLIND PEOPLE!!!! Lets start focusing more on the alternatives to reading that are out there for him. I will INSIST that his (chapter) books are on tape. I will not put him through an hour of straining his eyes, and ending up with a headache because he had to read 15 pages in a small font book! First of all, where’s his large print that should have been provided for him?

I’m increasing my expectations of the school this year. Not necessarily the teaching or the teachers themselves, but the services/equipment that will provided for him. I’m not excepting the excuse, “well this is all we have to offer.” Nope!

We are still in the CCTV battle with my insurance company. Actually, things are just getting started. My case was put on hold for awhile as other cases were finishing up. 

I am aware that the organization that is helping me is also planning going after the school as well to provide newer and better technology for Eli. Yes I am excited for Eli, but for the whole visually impaired program as it will help all. Eli’s CCTV at school is a great asset to him, it’s old though. It’s not even in color. Try coloring a map in black and white, but you are using colored pencils. Yes he’s colorblind as well, but that doesn’t mean he can’t see color.

It’ll be interesting to see what comes about. I never wanted to be too aggessive with the school system. But it’s looking like that’s the only way things will improve.

At the conference we attended earlier this summer we learnt that kindergarteners are using newer technology than he is. They are learning how to use this technology and how it benefits them. I want that for Eli. Iwant him to know whats out there and how these items can help him.

Again, I could go on FOREVER about the E-man. There truly is just always something going on with him. Raising a special needs child is so much different than raising an “average” child. (Sorry for the lack of wording there!) There is so many different issues that arise, different needs physically and emotionally. And then spreading yourself among all your children equally is so hard. I’m surviving though and will fight for all my kids…no matter their needs.

Raising Eli has given me so much more respect for my mother. I have a mental challeged brother. He has been living on his own now for over 15 years, but he was about 30 before he was able to. She still needs to watch over him and give him rides. Along withhim she raise 5 other children. And at times she was a single parent as well. My mom deserves the world!

THE POOMAN!!!!! Oh what a joy he is! I’m planning on starting our own lil school sessions with him this year. Just a little bit each day, we’ll sit down and have school. It’ll be fun! He can connect with Eli and tell Eli all about what he did in school each day.

He started speech therapy twice a month this summer. He LOVES it! His therapist comes to the house carring her bag full of fun toys. He cries everytime she leaves. He’s good at making you feel guilty for leaving him.

He actually didn’t qualify for therapy (again). Do to him being “too smart” for his age STILL. :) But, they got him in as they didn’t want him to fall farther behind in language.

He talks up a storm, nonstop, but the pronounciation just doesn’t come out. I’m sad to say he has inherited mine and my father’s speech problem. I was in speech therapy until 4th grade. I would (want) to say “car”, but it came out “cow”. How sad it was! And all the teasing I endured in my early school years breaks my heart. I am praying we are able to help PooWee enough before he enters school so he can escape the teasing and harrassment.

He is so cute though. Eli is determined to get PooWee to say “Elijah” good.

Elijah to PooWee – Say EEEEEEE

PooWee- EEEE

Elijah – Say LLLLL (long) IIIIII

PooWee- LLLIIIII

Elijah-JA(short a sound)

PooWee-JA

Elijah-say EEE LLLLIII  JA!

PooWee-AAAHHHWWWWAAAA!!! :)

He loves his Ah-Wa! He actually sings AH-WA, AH-WA, AH-WA to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star! Sneaking a “Momma in there now and then. It’s so cute!

His favorite toy(s) right now are puzzles. HE LOVES THEM. No more wooden puzzles for him though. He is mastering  24 piece puzzles and actually does fairly well on his own with a 60 piece one as well.

I”m raising a future computer geek! He is addicted to the computer and will fight with all his might to be on it whenever and for as long as he wants. Oh yes, we are learning who is in charge…and he’s not winning. :)

Since Andrew has moved out he has grown a little of an attitude towards him. He adores seeing him come to visit. Runs up to him gives him a big hug and plays with him. BUT, when Andrew leaves he refuses to give him ahug and kiss bye-bye. He’s even swung his arms to stop Andrew from getting one. Yet he loves watching Andrew leave on his motorcycle. We walk to the end of the driveway and watch him until he’s out of sight.

Andrew is so cute too. He’ll text me to let me know that he is on his way over and to make sure PooWee is there and awake. He misses his baby brother! :)

Well, time to actually work. Doctors have arrived!

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What DO I DO?

August 23, 2009 · Filed under Helping others, Ranting, fustration, life, me, venting, whining

Sometimes I just wish I didn’t know things. It would make thinks so much easier. But, easy just doesn’t seem to be the way my life goes sometimes.

I have been informed that someone whom, I care about is doing drugs.  This particular person is only a young teen. Immediate response would be to talk with the child’s mother. Just to call her up and tell her what I HEARD and am concerned about. I think it should be “checked” into. However, I stop and think again.

The last time a I spoke to this mother about a concern. My mother was yelled at by various people, Elijah was yelled at by various people, but NO ONE came to me about it. I had told only one additional person about this issue and that was my mom. Just to get her opinion on what I should do.

I was accused of things that were not true. I was glared at by others. This particular mother blabbed to everyone. However, turned out that I WAS RIGHT. Her child FINALLY confessed. BUT, my mother, Elijah nor me ever heard an apology. Nor did all the outsiders hear that I WASN’T lieing. Just really urks me.

This mother supports Elijah’s father. Speaks of what a good man he has become and how awful I am for “keeping” Elijah from him.

1 I have NEVER stopped Elijah’s father from seeing him. Would I if he knocked on my door….DAMN STRAIGHT!

2 This mother was not holding Elijah every night as he shivered in fear. Fear that he was going to be killed.

3 This mother doesn’t sit with Elijah in therapy every other week 5 years later. SHE HAS NO CLUE!

My mother and I are best friends. We share more together than anyone will know. I am ridiculed for how she watches the boys. Of course NOT TO MY FACE, just behind my back. But, these people don’t know that I do have another option. I don’t NEED mother to watch my boys. But, she NEEDS to watch them for the money. I can’t give her the money and someone else. They don’t know that often the boys are just a good excuse for her not having to attend something she doesn’t want to. Instead, I’m criticised over and over and over and over again.

So, what is all this venting and complaining about? I’m stuck on what to do about what I have heard.

Last year I choose to keep the fact that this child is VERY sexually active to myself and my best friend (my mother). Mom is the one that suggested it as we both know what the retaliation towards me would be.

Mother once again says…”Don’t say anything. Your just going to start trouble!”

Why is it that I AM STARTING trouble? I have never started trouble. I’ve just been open and honest. But, trouble always comes and I do turn out to be the BAD GUY to a lot of people. All because I don’t go blabbing my mouth from person to person. (Sure I’m blabbing here…but, if you know who and what I am actually talking about then stand up! Yep-that’s what I thought! 99.99% of you stayed sitting.)

So, I’m asking you…my internet friends. What do I do? I’ve thought of something anonymous, but fear it will still come back to me. Do I just leave it well enough alone and hope this was the one and only time this teen will use?

There is part of me that REALLY DOESN”T CARE of the replications, as it’s helping someone I do care about. But, it’s also going to hurt my mother as I would bet my life on it she would get “beat up” by others for me saying what I heard. AND yes, no one would come to me. My mother would once again become a major wreck and perhaps again be drawn to tears as these other people yell at her for something I did. (Out of good faith!)

I’m not worried about what is said behind my back, wish they had the guts to come to me. It’s so juvenille.  I don’t care what these people think of me. But, I do care about my mother getting hurt AGAIN and perhaps Elijah too!

Help…….

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Me…Speaking in Front of a Group of People…This Can’t Be RIGHT!!!

August 20, 2009 · Filed under Blind, Helping others, life, me, visually impaired

Wow! Two posts in one day! I can hardly believe it myself!

This one is a little more upbeat. Though it makes me a nervous wreck.

I’ve been asked to speak at our nest Outreach Visually Impaired Family Gathering on Sept 29th. UGH! I don’t do well speaking in front of others.

Our director would like me to speak about my experience in getting Eli a CCTV for at home. (Oh, it’s all still going on! Patience has been the biggest learning device I have come to find out.) She’d like me to note my resources, the process and where we are at now.

This particular gathering has got me nervous enough as I have set-up the location and am helping in planning it. So, obviously, I’m worried about the location being nice, and everything turning out GREAT. AND NOW I HAVE TO BE THE SPEAKER!!! OMG OMG OMG…..

I haven’t started…haven’t even looked over all my paperwork on the subject. I’m growing more and more nervous everyday. Yet, i’m not doing anything to prepare. I know…I’m being a MAJOR PROCRASINATOR!!!

I also have an internal drive that wants to start a petition (or whatever) to start making insurance companies help pay for assistive technology for the blind. It still astounds me how they don’t recognize the visually impaireds’ needs.

So, I have hopes that on this dull, grey, wet day I start preparing for my big “debut” on “How to obtain (or atleast TRY to!) assistive technology for our blind/visually impaired child”

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