Moose R.I.P

Moose

2001-2008

 

Moose, your life was too short. We loved having you as part of our family. You will remain in our hearts FOREVER!

 

On Thurs. June 19th, I had to make a decision I never want to make again. I had our Mooser put to sleep. I’m not sure I agree with my decision. I feel as though I killed him, which I guess I sort of did. I use to think animals had it nice, in that they could be put out of their misery. But, when I was faced with that decision I tried everything to not make the choice. Then I listened to the Vet and gave the OK. Now, I question whether it was right for me to make that choice.

On Wed. I took Moose to the Vet. Fearing they would tell me there was nothing they could do for him. He had lost alot of weight, he wasn’t eating, he just laid around, barely able to walk. He didn’t have the strength to jump on my bed and lay at my feet as he did every night. He didn’t beg for fresh food in his bowl even though it was half full. He wasn’t Moose anymore.

Moose had a large mass in his stomach. The Vet poked a syringe into this mass (which Moose didn’t even flinch when she did it) and pulled out some fluid. It appeared to have some bowel and infection in it. She figures he had a bowel obstruction the backed up into his stomach.

The Vet did tell me the best for Moose was to put him to sleep right then and there. I told her I couldn’t until Andrew and Elijah had a chance to say good-bye. She agreed that they should and we planned on my returning on Thurs.

Andrew took Moose into the backyard and sat with him for sometime. He cried as he laid with Moose in the grass. He ran to the grocery store to buy Moose a can of tuna, which Moose did enjoy.

Elijah fell asleep with Moose under the coffee table as he said his good-byes.

I…I avoided Moose Wed. night. I didn’t want to face it. I pretended the situation wasn’t real and acted as if it were just another day.

As a family we discussed what would be best for Moose. They boys had so many questions I could not answer. I had agreed to call the Vet and ask these questions before proceeding.

Basically, all of our questions were answered with…”there’s nothing we can do.” Andrew really would have like to have Moose put down at home, but the vet said it didn’t fit their schedules for a few weeks. They didn’t have like a hospice care at home for Moose either.

I was told that Moose was not currently in pain, but would be at some time. When, they couldn’t answer. I really just wanted Moose to pass on his own at home in my arms. I didn’t want to make the choice for him. I wanted to wait as well. Then I was faced with no on e being home for the weekend. What if Moose started to have pain while no one was home. I leave the house at 6am and don’t return till 8pm if not later all weekend. What if he died alone and in major pain. I wouldn’t want that.

So, I called the Vet back and made the dreadful appointment. Meanwhile I had to find a container to bury him in. It was so hard. I wanted my dad to build a wooden box with carpeting as he did for our pets as I grew up. But, my dad is not around anymore, I had to do this on my own. I thought of running to the store to find something, but that just didn’t seem right. It would be an “unfamiliar” container for him. I finally chose a Rubbermaid container that held some of Eli’s toys. The hardest was seeing if Moose would fit. How could I put him in it, knowing he would be buried in it. I grabbed a receiving blanket of PooWee’s, some kitty toys and a picture of the three boys to place with him.

I bawled with him, held his fragile body and told him to move, to do something, to tell me not to do this to him. But, he just laid there all limp. He purred as he always did, but it was as if he was already dead.

I drove him to the vet. He laid on the floor in the car, cried a few times, but that was it. Normally, he basically throws a fit in the car. He HATED it and would let the world know. As I carried him in the vets there was a huge dog. Here too, Moose would have given this dog a piece of his mind, but this time, his head just hung from my arm and didn’t move an inch.

I got time with Moose in the office. I laid him on the table wrapped my arm around him and laid my head on him and cried. I told him I was sorry, that I didn’t know what was right or wrong. I didn’t want him to have any pain. He continued to purr.

The actual process wasn’t that bad on me. I held his head looked him in the eyes and told him we all loved him dearly. It was rather peaceful, he did just go to sleep. The vet curled him up into his forever container, he fit pretty snugly. We covered him with the blanket and placed the lid on.

Taking him out of the office in that container was hard. When I got to the car it all hit me…he was gone now. He would only remain in our hearts. There would be no more Mooser to laying on my feet at night. How could I have done this! What gave me the right to make the choice how short his life would be. What if he would have lived another month, week or even one more day?

Andrew dug the hole for him. Together Andrew and I placed Moose in it. (Elijah could not be there as he had left for camp already. He left with the hope that Moose would still be with us when he returned.) Andrew finished burying Moose and I put PooWee down for his much needed nap. I returned to Moose’s forever home to find the large rock Andrew dug up placed carefully at the top of the mount. Andrew figured Eli could paint it for Moose’s tombstone. On the mound of dirt Andrew drew a heart. I then went and got some seeds Elijah had given me for Mother’s day from school and we planted them in the heart.

My stepmother has tried to reassure me that I made the right decision. She has reminded me that Moose would have been gone 4 years earlier had I not decided to have his bladder surgery done. But, it doesn’t help, maybe he would have been with us a week longer had I not decided what I did. I know he would have died, but I can’t get over that I, I decided when he died.

Teddy Bear shows he is missing Moose. He’s at my feet all the time. He has lost his sleeping buddy, his playing buddy and also the buddy he fought with.

We all miss our Moose!

He Bit me!–HARD!

 OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Warning Jenna - you may want to skip today’s posting!

So, last night PooWee wakes up around 3am and decides he wants some “num-nums” I lay down  in bed, nurse him as I rub his back and rock back and forth. All was nice until…

Teddy Bear, my snugly, soft, sweet, kitty jumps up by PooWee. Scared the doo-doos out of PooWee and he CLAMPS DOWN! I scream, PooWee gets even more scared. Now, PooWee is crying, I’m ready to cry and MY NIPPLE IS BLEEDING!!

Now, mind you my nipples are as tuff as they come. And I’ve encounter many bites in my time. After nursing Andrew for 8 months, Elijah for 26 months and now PooWee for all of his 10 months now, they are so tuff they could poke an eye out. However, this bite has taken it’s toll on one of them. Yes, I’m whining, it hurts BAD! I suppose I will live through it, but how will I be able to nurse him on it, let alone use my pump on it this weekend at work. OUCH-oh the thought of it even makes it hurt.

But, I love nursing. I can’t imagine “making bottles” in the middle of the night. I’ve been through it all with nursing. Andrew ran me through the ringer, I didn’t have much education, so he was my teacher. I endured cracked nipples, and blocked ducts with this kid. He was very stubborn (and still is) and would only nurse on one side and in one particular position for the longest time.

Elijah, he was as easy as they come. As long as he had his “num-nums” he was happy.

PooWee he’s great too. I started pumping for him at the hospital. I pumped the whole time he was with J & P. To tell you the truth, I used him to help me decide if he was meant to come home. I had requested that I get him all day on Christmas Eve, NO J & P!! I knew I wanted to try and nurse him. My theory, if he nursed, he was meant to come home. If he didn’t except it, well, then I was to except he was for J & P. Sounds kind of funny, but I wanted him home so bad, but feared he “wasn’t meant for me.” YOU GUESSED IT! He latched on like he had been nursing his whole 2 week life!

Christmas day however, I’m freezing. The heat kept getting turned up and up and up. When I went to bed that night I had the electric blanket on high and I was still freezing! Took my temp and I’m a wooping 104. Can we all say MASTITIS!! I call the doc on call, who wants me to go to the ER. NO WAY! I couldn’t handle explaining why I was pumping and where my baby was and why I look like I do nothing but cry! I talk him into letting me try some more Tylenol and head to the office in AM.

The next morning I called and my doctor was unavailable, of course! But, I can see Dr. J-who just got out of residency, this I know because he was doing it where I work. FINE, I’ll see him. Get this he walks into the room and before even LOOKING at me insists I just have a BUG that’s going around. “UH NO! My right breast is super sore the side of it is ALL red.” He continues, “It really is probably just a bug.” I was SO ready to tear open my gown and prove to him, but instead I told him again, “No, it;s mastitis.” “Well, I suppose, I could take a look.” Ya THINK! He proceeded to push on the red spot, I was ready to smack him. (Normally, I am NOT a vilent person!) I left with the diagnosis of…MASTITIS! And taught Dr. J not to mess with a women who knows her nursing!

Guess, I was suppose to hold the pump in different positions. Yeah-easier said than done. Here I am later hold the darn thing off the edge of the bed, upside down, any position I could think of. Thank God there’s no pictures!

My lil PooWees came home then and cleared that duct right up for me! What a GREAT feeling that was-in more ways than one!

But NOW! My nipple HURTS! I fear I will be hand expressing this weekend and then I’ll be whining because my hands hurt. I guess I should be thankful, it’s still ATTATCHED!

(Jenna-if you ignored my warning, don’t fret. You’ll be just fine nursing…..well, as long as you don’t have a cat!)

My knitting world

Time to write abit about my obsession with knitting. I actually learned to crochet first, at the age of 4. Throughout childhood I’d do a project here and there. I always wanted to knit. Watching my mother and loving the sound of the needles ticking together. Though, she never taught me, I decided to pick up needles myself when I was about 18. Mom was an awesome resource. We are now true knitting buddies. She even ASKS ME for advice. She tends to stick right to a pattern and I like to venture off and do my own thing.

I adore natural yarns, but they don’t fit into my budget. If there is extra funds I most definately buy the best. However, majority of the time it’s only “partially” natural, but still made with LOVE.

Currently I am finishing up a baby sweater for a girl at work. Her baby boy is almost 4 months old already! All I need to do yet is sew on the zipper. If only I knew where that darn zipper went, I would have tackled it yesturday!

I’m also working on a pair of Jester booties for PoWee. These are actually my first attempt at felting. Almost done, just working on the i-cord s around the top. I don’t like i-cords, they are tedious and boring, but sure are cute on these booties. Can’t wait to finish them up and then felt them. I know I’ll be soooo scared that all my work will, in the end up on a teddy bear instead of Powee’s toes. When I get to the felting part, please, all cross your fingers for me! Here’s the link to these adorable booties http://www.interweaveknits.com/freepatterns/children.asp I’m making mine in a purple and green.  If these turn out I’d like to make the other two pair as well. Gotta keep these lil toes warm.

There’s also a winter coat in the works for Powee. http://www.debbieblissonline.com/books/bk/index.htm The Donkey Jacket. He’s going to look so adorable. I am working on the inside, counting down the 55 rows on the hood. Then the sleeves and then off to the outer layer. I have a beautiful brown for the outer. Not too sure if I’m going to make the ears. I know their cute, but thinking about going basic instead of cutsie. As the cooler weather approaches, I’m feeling the pressure of this project.

Knitting keeps me sane. Yet, at times I feel it is making me INSANE. I can’t comprehend sitting and watching a movie with nothing else to do.  The wait at the doctor’s office, to me it goes by too quickly, I never accomplish as much knitting as I was hoping to. I have a list of “want to makes” that could probably reach across the country.

I hope someday to learn to spin. As I grew up my grandmother had a spinning wheel on display in her living room. Though I never saw it in action, I played with it and dreamed of someday using it. Well, that wheel now sits in my sister’s home, only to be used as a display there as well. I will someday, however find my own wheel to be used for it’s intent. I have to admit, it annoys me to death that the beautiful wheel just sits there. If only I had it……. Been saving my cat’s fur for years now. I am determined to spin it up and make a cozy sweater. I will continue to save until the day I learn to spin. How wonderful my Teddy Bear and Moose will feel on a cold winter day. Here’s a pic of my kitties all snuggled by Powee.

For those of you concerned-No Powee’s is not left unattended on a bed. I had been nursing him (laying down), my cat’s are always right there. When Powee’s was done nursing he rolled to this position and since the camera was right there, how could I not snap a pic.

Teddy Bear is the orange and white one and Moose is the black and white one. WE LOVE OUR KITTY - KITTIES!!

Well, with only a few hours left before the big guys get home from school, I better get things done around here. And hopefully get some knitting done!