Archive for Helping others

ANYONE AND EVERYONE!!! Please critque my post! This is what I have SO FAR prepared for my talk at our Visually Impaired Family Gathering. Please leave me good and bad comments! Yes I’m begging. I totally do not want to make a fool out of myself! THANK YOU!!!

September 14, 2009 · Filed under Blind, Elijah, Family, Helping others, Just for fun, My Boys, Ranting, fustration, life, me, venting, visually impaired

Before I start, please let me add that it’s been a LOOOONG time since I’ve had to speak infront of a group of people. There will be approximately 30 people at this event and to me that’s ALOT of people to talk in front of. It’s a very relaxed atomsphere and I’m sure I’ll only be glancing at my paper now and then, but I just wanted somewhat of a format to go by.  Thanks TONS for those that put themselves through reading this!  Also, I moderate my comments, just because there have been some very stupid (to put it lightly) ones in the past. Let the “talk” begins…

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I think I may have been one of the only mothers out there that had been dreading the start of school. One because summer seemed just WAY TOO SHORT this year and totally flew by us. And two– HOMEWORK!! Homework can be a huge stressor at our house.

I have not been able to accomodate Elijah’s blindness at home. This is more devastating to me than hearing the doctor tell us that he was legally blind. We have the bear necessities to get by. He’s got magnifying glasses from 4X to 12X, lighted ones, pocket ones, even a dome one. He’s got his own desk with his special lighting. A large supply of erasable pens and bold lined paper. He’s even got 3 pairs of his “signature” sunglasses.

This summer we transformed our home into a dungeon. It was just too bright for him. We went out bought some good blinds, shades or darker curtains and now he can live inside without wearing his sunglasses. Ok here’s one area I was glad to see school start. I get to pull open the these shades and let the sunshine in during the day….well until he gets home that is.

But when it comes to some of his homework, his magnify glasses just don’t just don’t always do the trick. I find they work best with worksheets. Where what he reads and writes are on the same page. Bouncing from his math book to his paper doesn’t work so well. He looses the problem he’s on, misses pernent information like a decimal and he ends up getting very frustrated.

Reading has to be the worse. He’ll test out his different magnify glasses to see what works best with the font of the book. Then he gets upset because the magnify glass is getting all fogged up from his breathing. I try to tell him to just stop breathing, but he doesn’t find my humor in that. I would say it takes him anywhere from 5 to fifteen minutes to read one page in a book.

His school has a reading program he participates in. They need to read 15 minutes a night. It will take him well over a month just to read one book.

When the class is reading a book together and they have to do some independent reading at home. Such as reading to the end of the chapter, that could take him well over an hour at home.

Yes, I am home to help him most of the time. But, helping and doing are two different things. I can’t always sit down and read him his math problems. Read to the end of the chapter for him and help him with any other work he may have.

This year his teacher sent home a letter of what to expect in 5th grade. I found it very interesting when she wrote the criteria for homework is about 10 minutes per grade level. So, this year we are to expect 50 minutes of homework a night. He’s done 3 times that in the past.

Last winter I attended a classes held by Family Voices entitled Did you know? Now you know. How to be a parent advocate for you special needs child. The class went through everything from, daycare to IEPs to medical insurance private and Medicaid and more. I would encourage everyone to attend one of these sessions if at all possible. I learnt so much.  I am very glad I attended them. ( I did hand out the next few sessions in the Pier bulletin)

We’ve been dreaming of a CCTV for home use since the beginning of his diagnosis. He uses one at school, he loves it and definitely know the benefits of it. I was encouraged to make a claim to my private insurance and Eli’s Medicaid for a CCTV by the presenters of the Did you know Now you know sessions. I immediately had Celena HHHRIRHRIR from  ***** as my backbone for anything I needed.

So, I made my claim. Within minutes I was turned down. I asked for a reason. And stated that a CCTV can be considered a durable medical equipment and it is also known by the board of Opt….. to be a prosthetic device. Then I was asked to get a letter from his eye doctor supporting the need for one.

Eli’s eye doctor Dr. W fully supported my claim, I received a letter from him. I faxed his letter and the article I have given you written by Gregg Trapp. I found this article to be very encouraging. 

To no surprise to me the insurance company once again denied the claim. This time they gave me a reason. “A (my employer) was not making any home modifications at this time.”  As you can see in the denial letter, they listed examples of home modifications such as saunas, tanning bed and elevators. I had to laugh at how they put a CCTV under a home modification. Then again I had already shown them that it was a durable medical equipment and a prstethis device, so they had to think of something to deny me under.

Then the appeals process began. This is the part that I could not have done without Clelna.  She is a hero in my book. She started throwing different organizations at me to contact. She was talking to people everywhere she went. She had never assisted with a visually impaired situation before so she was learning as she went too.

I talked to so many different organizations it was crazy. I was even goofing up names and who was from which organization. It ends up that currently I have Disabilty Rights/WI supporting my case. Sue  is my contact person. The appeal letter was sent out this summer and we are once again waiting for my insurance companies response. Sue is preparing her case by getting school records and information from the insurance company. We anticipate Medicaid denyingus too, but haven’t gotten that far yet.

I am so astounded how insurance companies don’t recognize the blind or visually impaired. Not one item have they covered for Eli’s disability. Well, they do cover 80% of his eye exam once a year. However they didn’t cover a dime when we had an extra visit one year because we were concerned about him seeing floaters. Medicaid did pick that one up though.

I find that if we as parents can’t afford the needed items for our children we have to rely on charity. And it’s wonderful that these charities are there. Eli has been very blessed with a portable CCTV the Sense View which he just received from the Kronenwetter Lions thanks to a referral made by his Vision teacher Karen. We can’t thank them enough. But I can’t stop feeling that insurance companies should start helping the blind and visually impaired more. If I brake my ankle they’ll help cover crutches, possibly a surgery, so that I can walk again. But, they won’t help my blind child read a book.

I’ve learnt that patience is the number one necessity throughout this fight. Nothing is going to happen tomorrow. Followed by determination and support from those around you. I can’t tell you the number of times I have broken out into tears only to wake up the next day to make more phone calls and retell Eli’s story to yet another person.

I don’t know what the outcome of this will be. Our dream is to have a CCTV sitting on Eli’s desk. Last winter I said I just couldn’t go through another school year of homework. I was drained, beat up, I hated homework. But, here we are at the start of a new school year and no CCTV yet.

 

 ETA-Within a short time of posting this I had a search engine bring someone here as they searched the question -”Why doesn’t health insurance cover the blind?” Come on people lets fight this battle! They can’t keep refusing the blind!

 

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What DO I DO?

August 23, 2009 · Filed under Helping others, Ranting, fustration, life, me, venting, whining

Sometimes I just wish I didn’t know things. It would make thinks so much easier. But, easy just doesn’t seem to be the way my life goes sometimes.

I have been informed that someone whom, I care about is doing drugs.  This particular person is only a young teen. Immediate response would be to talk with the child’s mother. Just to call her up and tell her what I HEARD and am concerned about. I think it should be “checked” into. However, I stop and think again.

The last time a I spoke to this mother about a concern. My mother was yelled at by various people, Elijah was yelled at by various people, but NO ONE came to me about it. I had told only one additional person about this issue and that was my mom. Just to get her opinion on what I should do.

I was accused of things that were not true. I was glared at by others. This particular mother blabbed to everyone. However, turned out that I WAS RIGHT. Her child FINALLY confessed. BUT, my mother, Elijah nor me ever heard an apology. Nor did all the outsiders hear that I WASN’T lieing. Just really urks me.

This mother supports Elijah’s father. Speaks of what a good man he has become and how awful I am for “keeping” Elijah from him.

1 I have NEVER stopped Elijah’s father from seeing him. Would I if he knocked on my door….DAMN STRAIGHT!

2 This mother was not holding Elijah every night as he shivered in fear. Fear that he was going to be killed.

3 This mother doesn’t sit with Elijah in therapy every other week 5 years later. SHE HAS NO CLUE!

My mother and I are best friends. We share more together than anyone will know. I am ridiculed for how she watches the boys. Of course NOT TO MY FACE, just behind my back. But, these people don’t know that I do have another option. I don’t NEED mother to watch my boys. But, she NEEDS to watch them for the money. I can’t give her the money and someone else. They don’t know that often the boys are just a good excuse for her not having to attend something she doesn’t want to. Instead, I’m criticised over and over and over and over again.

So, what is all this venting and complaining about? I’m stuck on what to do about what I have heard.

Last year I choose to keep the fact that this child is VERY sexually active to myself and my best friend (my mother). Mom is the one that suggested it as we both know what the retaliation towards me would be.

Mother once again says…”Don’t say anything. Your just going to start trouble!”

Why is it that I AM STARTING trouble? I have never started trouble. I’ve just been open and honest. But, trouble always comes and I do turn out to be the BAD GUY to a lot of people. All because I don’t go blabbing my mouth from person to person. (Sure I’m blabbing here…but, if you know who and what I am actually talking about then stand up! Yep-that’s what I thought! 99.99% of you stayed sitting.)

So, I’m asking you…my internet friends. What do I do? I’ve thought of something anonymous, but fear it will still come back to me. Do I just leave it well enough alone and hope this was the one and only time this teen will use?

There is part of me that REALLY DOESN”T CARE of the replications, as it’s helping someone I do care about. But, it’s also going to hurt my mother as I would bet my life on it she would get “beat up” by others for me saying what I heard. AND yes, no one would come to me. My mother would once again become a major wreck and perhaps again be drawn to tears as these other people yell at her for something I did. (Out of good faith!)

I’m not worried about what is said behind my back, wish they had the guts to come to me. It’s so juvenille.  I don’t care what these people think of me. But, I do care about my mother getting hurt AGAIN and perhaps Elijah too!

Help…….

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Me…Speaking in Front of a Group of People…This Can’t Be RIGHT!!!

August 20, 2009 · Filed under Blind, Helping others, life, me, visually impaired

Wow! Two posts in one day! I can hardly believe it myself!

This one is a little more upbeat. Though it makes me a nervous wreck.

I’ve been asked to speak at our nest Outreach Visually Impaired Family Gathering on Sept 29th. UGH! I don’t do well speaking in front of others.

Our director would like me to speak about my experience in getting Eli a CCTV for at home. (Oh, it’s all still going on! Patience has been the biggest learning device I have come to find out.) She’d like me to note my resources, the process and where we are at now.

This particular gathering has got me nervous enough as I have set-up the location and am helping in planning it. So, obviously, I’m worried about the location being nice, and everything turning out GREAT. AND NOW I HAVE TO BE THE SPEAKER!!! OMG OMG OMG…..

I haven’t started…haven’t even looked over all my paperwork on the subject. I’m growing more and more nervous everyday. Yet, i’m not doing anything to prepare. I know…I’m being a MAJOR PROCRASINATOR!!!

I also have an internal drive that wants to start a petition (or whatever) to start making insurance companies help pay for assistive technology for the blind. It still astounds me how they don’t recognize the visually impaireds’ needs.

So, I have hopes that on this dull, grey, wet day I start preparing for my big “debut” on “How to obtain (or atleast TRY to!) assistive technology for our blind/visually impaired child”

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Elijah Elijah Elijah

March 16, 2009 · Filed under Blind, Elijah, Family, Helping others, Parenting, fustration, life, me, venting, visually impaired, whining

There always seems to be something pertaining to Elijah that is eating on my mind. Currently I have a few thoughts ripping at me constantly.

*Tomorrow Elijah has his appointment with Dr. H, his spine doctor. If his disc has slipped anymore Dr. H may propose surgery to fuse the disc in place.

I sure hope he doesn’t need surgery. Back surgery just isn’t a good thing and at such a young age.

But, I keep having these thoughts that IF he does have the surgery will he be able to go back into football, gymnastics and wrestling? Will he ever be able to play these sports that he loves so much again? Guess these are questions I will have to save for Dr. H tomorrow.

Elijah is more worried about the IV then getting his back cut open. He remembers waking up from his hernia surgery when he was 3 and having the IV with an arm board on to protect it. He did not like it…AT ALL! If he could have, he would have ripped it out.Oh it makes me chuckle now to remeber how mad he was at that darn IV.

*Summer school……….UGH!! His classroom teacher suggested summer school for his reading fluency, ONCE AGAIN!!! GGGRRRRR!!!!! This poor kid is constantly being told he reads too slow. I’m so sick of hearing that, seriously people!! I would really like to make a pair of glasses, blur out the center, put 4 to 5 black spots, representing his blind spots on the lens and tell his teachers to read fast. HE IS NEVER GOING TO READ PRINT AS FAST AS THE REST OF HIS PEERS!!!!

I’m all for helping him improve from his current state. However, I think that we are driving him to despize reading by constantly pushing him and making him do extra work to improve. I want him to enjoy reading.

After looking at his summer camp schedule and summer school schedule he would only be at summer school for at the most days. Does it pay? His teacher says, “Yes, some school is better than no school.” She also stated that if I chose not to send him, she believed I would work with him during the summer. Which if I do not send him I will set up a reading contract with him. I plan on making a reward system for him.

Looking into Elijah’s future he will always read print, large print, but for lengthy reading he will read braille. I believe there will be a time when he is proficient enough in braille that he will read at the same speed as his peers. I would so much rather see him get braille this summer verses reading.

However, braille is not an obtion fr summer school. There will be no vision serves verses his adaptive equipment available to him.

So…do I send him to summer school?

*Called my insurance company on Friday for an update on my CCTV claim. It has yet to go to the review board. I should hear something in 15 to 30 days. THE WAIT IS KILLING ME!

*Counseling continues on Thursday. We thought he would be done, but more and more information about the events his jack*ss of a dad did to him are coming out.

On the way home from our last visit, Elijah started crying. He wanted to know why his dad did these things to him. He asked why his dad has chosen not to see him for 5 years. He also mentioned he is sad to see his friends with their dads and seeing Andrew and PooWee go to see their dads.

I told Elijah that I honestly can’t tell him I know how it feels to not have a dad around, because my dad was always there for me. I told him it hurts me to see him have so much pain and I wish I knew how to help him. I ensured him that it was NOT HIS FAULT his father does not see him. I believe his father is running away from the mistakes he made verses facing them. His father has decided not to do supervised visitation and parenting classes because then he would have to confess to his errors.

I’d be lieing if I said I’d like to see his father come back into his life. Maybe I’m a bit selfish here. If his father ever comes back into his life, I just see more pain for Elijah. However, if Elijah ever wants to try and reconnect with him, I will support his decision. I will make sure the contact is done slowly and in the proper manner.

I’m hoping that Elijah’s counselor will work on these feelings with him more on Thursday.

*We’re crossing our fingers I can switch shift with someone so we can go to the VisionWalk in Milwaukee on May 31. All proceeds go to retinal diseases…how could we not go, Elijah has a retinal disease.

It would be a long day for us. Milwaukee is about 4 hours from us, we would need to leave about 4-5 am and I’m sure we wouldn’t get home until late. BUT IT WOULD BE SO EXCITING AND REWARDING!!! I WANNA WANNA WANNA GO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BAD!!!!!

*Elijah is currently working on a piece of artwork to enter for the American Printing House for the Blind InsightArtwrk Competition.

They choose artwork for calendars, cards and some for an exhibit at the museum.

I’ll be sure to post a picture of his finished piece.

GOOD LUCK ELIJAH!!!

Well, that’s about all…for now.

Elijah, Elijah, Elijah, he sure know how to keep me on my toes! I just so very much wish he didn’t have to go through all that he does. I try to live by the good ‘ol saying, “God only hands you what he feels you can handle.” Perhaps God knows that Elijah is strong enough and special enough to handle all that life hs handed him in his short 10 years he been here.

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Please Go Say, “Hi”

February 9, 2009 · Filed under Helping others, adoption

Ventured onto a new blog today.

My heart is broken for this young mother who recently relinguished her son for adoption.

She is hurting pretty badly. You have all helped me through some very difficult times, please share your touching words with her as well.

http://birthmomstories.blogspot.com/

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PINK and Prayer Request

October 1, 2008 · Filed under Family, Helping others, church, life, religion

Pink is so not my favorite color. But being October and Breast Cancer awareness month, I think I can handle a little pink! As long as it’s only for a month!

I actually got some very sad news from my step-mother yesterday. My sister Julie has been diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma AGAIN! Yes, you read that correct…AGAIN. It has been almost 5 years since she first won the battle.

She goes to see her plastic surgeon at the end of this month and then we will know more. Man-sure wish it was sooner!

Julie is an awesome person. She is as sweet as they come. Unfortunately I don’t see her too often, but whenever I’m going through a hard time I receive a card in the mail reminding me she is always there if I need her. I sent my card out to her last night.

Please, keep my sister in your prays as she goes through this trouble time.

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I’m Honored!

April 16, 2008 · Filed under G-ma Marcy, Helping others, My mom, life

Look what Coco gave me! Thanks Coco!

As I think of who to pass this gift on to I can’t help but return it to Coco. Coco has been such a huge support for me as I have struggled through my emotions this past year. Not only does she help so many of us out in blogland, but she makes a difference out in the “real” world too! (I know! Isn’t blogland, the REAL world?!) I’d like to extend an EXTRA BIG THANK YOU to Coco for her letter to April. I think of this letter often. How hard it must have been for her, but she did it to help someone else, someone she simple heard about.

Which brings me to my next person, Paragraphein. She too, spoke to April about her experience. This just must have been so hard, but she did it, as Coco did…to help another. Her blog continues to amaze me.

I know Coco and Paragraphein have already receive this gift, however they are just so wonderful they deserve it twice.

I can’t forget Sandra, who also dug into her past to help April. Sandra parented at a young age. She told April her story, which also must have been hard. There were hardships for her and she put it right out there for all of us to read. (Sandra has posted in quite some time, I hope all is well in her life.)

I truly thank all three of these ladies, for helping me, with helping April.

HeatherS-my fav amommy! She just rocks. I am amazed with her heart towards her children’s birth/first mom and dad. She holds a dear spot in my heart for being so beautiful. 

And then there are a few nonbloggin people close to my heart I would like to share this with.

To my sister, Gayle. For your understanding and love upon learning about your new nephew, PooWee. You’r words bring me to tears as I type this. Oh and ESPECIALLY for that St*rbucks Gift Cert. :) For her curage through her breast cancer battle. Gayle also gives back  with her motorcycle club in Arizonia. They do many drives to benefit children and other charities.

 And of course MY MOM! Who never says no to watching the boys or picking them up. Who INSISTS on me bring them over verses taking them elsewhere at times. For all the assistance in getting the boys where they need to be when I’m needed in three places at once. For the handmade knit socks she’s given Eli’s teachers or the daycare teacher. AND ME!!! For the baking she does for school fundraisers. FOR BEING THE BEST DARN MOM/GRANDMOTHER A DAUGHTER/GRANDCHILD COULD ASK FOR!! I love you Mom!!

 

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My Thoughts Go Out to Chad

March 23, 2008 · Filed under Chad, Helping others, fustration

My heart goes out to Chad so much lately. I feel he is working too much. He actually works two jobs and goes to school. One paycheck goes towards his soon to be daughter and the other needs to pay his car insurance, cell phone, gas, and anything else he may require. It’s too much…to much for him to handle. He hasn’t had a day off for about two weeks.

I’m frustrated. Frustrated with his mother. Why CAN’T she help him out more. He’d be costing her alot more than the $200 she sends me a month if he were living with her. She has been traveling back and forth from Wisconsin to North Carolina a couple of times now. She stays with her sister in southern Wisconsin, so Chad doesn’t even get to see her. What I don’t understand is how she can afford all this traveling, but can’t put lunch money into Chad’s account. I don’t say anything in fear that she won’t allow Chad to live with s anymore. He’s a pleasure to have here and I wouldn’t want to see him leave.

I’ve been giving Andrew extra money and he’s been buying Chad lunch because Chad wouldn’t except any money from me for lunch. Andrew figured out that the school charges more for the second meal though. So, Chad finally agreed to except a check from me and put it into his account. Can I afford it, NO, but sometimes we act from the heart instead of the size of our bank accounts.

Chad is getting run down. He’s been sick since he moved in. He’s tired, he’s stressed, he just straight out WORN OUT!

I know that he would love to be in lacrosse with Andrew. But, instead he heads off to work. Becoming a father has already affected his life and he’s taking it on full blast. However, I feel his school work is affected by him working so much and this it not good.

I so strongly feel he shouldn’t be working two jobs. I think it’s TOO much. Legally he’s working too many hours according to our state laws for school age kids. But, do I say something to the school? How? Would I be risking his mom taking him back to North Carolina? I’m not sure it’s my place to say or do anything!

I’m half tempted to tell him to quit one and we will manage. I’ll just take him on as my own. I’d have to help him with insurance, gas and his cell though and I can’t do all that. If I could put him on my insurance and my cell plan that would be do able…MAYBE. However, he’s stuck in a contract with his cell.

Plus, his car…well, technically his mom left him her 2003 Saab, YES a WAY BETTER car than I have and I can’t afford insurance on that baby. I’m not even sure what he pays a month on it, but I’m sure it’s plenty. Here we have a teenager who has had his license less than a year, as primary driver…he’s paying ALOT.

Yes, Chad is going to be a father soon. Yes, he will be facing many issues, normal 16 year old don’t, but he still needs some time to be a kid. My hope is once his daughter is born, things will calm down for him. That he will have time to be with his daughter and time to hang with his friends. With him working these two jobs and going to school, he doesn’t even have time for himself.

Is it best that he be here in Wisconsin? Or should he be in North Carolina, which he didn’t like and away from his daughter and friends. He wants to be here.

He plans on joining the military after high school. He has goals. I want to see him succeed. He will, if he is given the chance. I fear he may rebel if his stress load doesn’t get lighter. UGH! What can I do to help him more? How can I be there for him? I hope he feels he can come to me if he needs anything.

I’ve thought about getting a second part time job myself. I figure maybe he could watch the PooWee babes and I could work a few hours a week. I would make more than he would working. This could help us out and then maybe he could quit a job. But, I fight this thought because of the time it would take me away from PooWee, Elijah, and Andrew. Yet, evenjust 10-15 hrs a week. Maybe I could even get a job at night when they are sleeping!

AARRRRR – I just don’t know. I don’t think he’s going to make it too much longer at the rate he’s going.

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4 + 1 = 5

January 31, 2008 · Filed under Andrew, Chad, Family, Helping others, life

It’s official we are adding another member to our household! Yes, call me crazy, but I have to give it a try.

Chad will be moving in.

In the beginning of the school year Chad moved down to N. Carolina with his parents. He didn’t like it there and then there was the fact that April was pregnant. His parents agreed to let him come back up and live with his brother. Well, things aren’t all too great there, basically it’s the brothers girlfriend. Chad’s mother came back up to take him back down to N. Carolina. However, Chad’s counsellor did suggest he stay up here if he had a better place to stay. His reasons were legit for Chad’s mother. Chad’s school last semester got really screwed up with being up here, then moving south, then coming back. And then there is the fact that Chad’s daughter will be born in a few months.

His mother and I talked for quite awhile on Tuesday. Everything is worked out. Andrew is leaving for Spain tomorrow, so I guess Chad will be hanging out at another friends house until Andrew comes home. He’ll feel a bit ackward with Andrew not being here, right off the bat. Which is understandable. I sent Andrew to school today with a house key for Chad. I told him to tell him, he is more than welcome to come over during the time Andrew is gone. I reminded him that I will be gone to work from 6am to about 8pm over the weekend, so he might enjoy the house to himself.

Both Chad’s mother and I expressed to the boys how they will also need to separate from each other once in awhile. Oh, they will probably fight like brothers now and then. Eli said it’s gonna be like he has another brother. I reminded him TO BE NICE TO CHAD!!

I really want Chad to feel at home. One concern is he doesn’t have a bed. His mom is going to get him an air mattress for now. Andrew has been wanting a futon, so we are looking into them. My thought is IF we get the moola from the government, I’ll get a bunk bed with a futon on the bottom. Andrew said that would be cool.

Chad has to improve his grades by the next progress report (’bout mid March) or he’s going back down to N. Carolina. So, that’s my goal, remind him about his homework. I’m kinda excited, I do really like him.

It’s funny because a while ago I was talking to my mom. I started telling her how worried I was about him. I told her I knew what she was going to say to me, “Don’t you think you have enough to worry about than to worry about him too!” She chuckled, and you could tell she was worried about him too. She really likes him as well. He actually calls her Grandma too, actually all of Andrew’s friends do. And when I told her that he was moving in, she didn’t seem upset at me. I somewhat expected her to tell me it wasn’t a good idea. I guess she feels like I do, atleast I can try, if it doesn’t work out….I tried.

Andrew wrote up a list of rules for Chad. Some are quite funny. Keep in mind as you read, these are teenage boys! :)

1-NO keeping me up at night

2-No messing with my stuff

3-No leaving without telling me or Mom

4-Must listen to EVERYTHING Mom says -(I think Andrew needs to practice this one!) :)

5-No girlfriends over

6-Suicide is NOT an option (I don’t think living at my home will be THAT BAD!) :)

7-No pleasing yourself in the house. GO TO YOUR CAR!!

8-If previous rule is broken, computer security will be enabled

9-Respect my room, our closets are smaller than J***’s (Chad basically had a pantry for a room at his brothers.)

10-No phone sex too! No one wants to hear it!

11-Must have equal rights to video games, TV etc.

12-Must do homework, no tricks, we’ll be watching you!

13-No sneaking out! Privileges will be taken away, such as a bed and warm blankies.

14-No b*tching ALL DAY!

15-You shower first, must be done by 6:50.

16-Must give me rides to school.

17-April is my friend, treat her good! -Inspired by April

18-No skipping school or getting ticked off and leaving.

19-Breaking of rules will invoke consequences

20-More rules may be added when needed

We all had a pretty good laugh. Some are quite appropriate though, makes me wonder why Andrew doesn’t always follow them! :)

Well, I’m off to the grocery store! WOW TWO TEENAGERS TO FEED NOW! Wonder if I have enough cupboard space! :)

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On My Mind..

January 28, 2008 · Filed under Andrew, Elijah, G-ma Marcy, Helping others, My mom, Ranting, adoption, visually impaired

I never can seem to post on just one thing. Again today, I basically have a bunch of ranting to do. So, stick with me as I run through all that is going through my head.

-My blog stats are going crazy! Why? If you ask me, this blog is the world to me, but I can’t figure out how others find it interesting. :) Well, someone linked to My Days Without PooWeepost. Then another linked to it on her Mysp*ce account.

I ended up going back and reading the post again myself. Once again I hit a low, I cried, I was happy I had PooWee and then I also had anger.

In my head I kept thinking of so many moments that tear my heart apart. One moment was when Eli and I returned after yet another walk around the hospital to get away from all the visitors. As I opened the door to my room I was hoping nobody would be there. I was wrong! Lets see…there’s J & P, both of their mothers, there is J’s brother, his wife and two kids, and then there’s J’s sister and her son. So that’s 10 people, all here for J & P.

Eli was driving me nuts. He kept whining that he wanted to hold PooWee. I didn’t have the courage to speak up and get PooWee for him. I too wanted to hold PooWee, but of course said nothing. Finally, J got PooWee for Eli, I think she just wanted him to be quiet.

Eli and I were sitting on my bed. Eli was touching Poowee’s cheek. I had my arm around Eli and we just stared a our lil baby in ah. Eli began asking who he looked like. I so thought he looked like Eli. Eli liked that idea. I wish I had a picture of this moment. I think it would be beautiful.

Then there were arms pulling PooWee away. They were J’s, she said it was her niece’s turn to hold my son. I doubt Eli even had PooWee for 3 minutes. J’s neice had PooWee about 4 times already. J was jealous, she didn’t like us referring to PooWee as part of our family. She didn’t like us interacting with him and took him away from us. I can’t stand her for this. But I also need to blame myself. For it was ME that couldn’t speak my words.

Why was my voice so weak! Why didn’t I say, “NO! In-fact, EVERYONE LEAVE! Just leave and let us be!” That’s what I was thinking, but the words never came out! This happened to me SO MANY times! I never spoke what I was thinking.

I know I can’t dwell on the past, the past comes back to haunt me though. I want so much to now have a voice. A strong voice, that may help other mothers, or maybe even PAPs. I’ve come to realize that though I choose not to sign TPR, adoption HAS become apart of my life. I can’t change that. I hope to atleast make adoption better for others.

I know…no matter what, there is pain in adoption. But, if I can put warning signs out there for others, maybe I can help them make the best choices. LIKE NO PRE-MATCHING, or NO PAPs AT THE HOSPITAL. Take my pain and shield themselves from it. It’s hope, it’s my hope!

-On the brighter side, Eli is doing better. He is using his visual aids.

Actually, when his VI teacher walked in his classroom the other day, he was on his CCTV and she was super excited. They talked and he told her about his email pals, who are visually impaired (VI) as well. He is really excited about them. His teacher is setting up a bowling/pizza party for the VI kids in our area. She said there are two boys that she can’t wait to introduce to Eli.

I think this is so good for him. He will be will other kids like him and hopefully this will encourage him to stay strong.

His doctor appointment went real well. He actually broke down and cried. I realized he never really cried about his disease. Dr. W was AWESOME with him. He got down in front of him and spoke to him at his level. He reassure Eli he would never be completely blind. He told him he would retain some vision. Eli will see “fuzzy” in his central line of vision. Dr. W told Eli is vision will not deteriorate fast, but so slow that throughout life he really wouldn’t notice. He encouraged him to use his aids and expressed how important they were for him. Eli needed to hear all this from Dr. W.

Dr. W wsn’t concerned with the floaters. Eli’s retina is not detaching anywhere and everything else looked fine. He explained that Eli’s eyes could be stressed and the brain reacts this way.

We will be heading back down to the UW hospital at some point, for more testing. Basically, Dr. W would like to do two more tests that will give us  a more specific diagnosis. However, we will hold off until Eli is comfortable.

I will also have to take PooWee in for an exam to see if he is carrying this as well. We are going to wait until he is about 2 or even 3 years old. If PooWee has it, it means it’s in my family. We currently don’t have anybody with visual difficulties like Eli, so we just figured it came from his dad’s side.

Hopefully, Eli and I get to his blog this week. So far he had picked out his theme. He went with one that has a black background. He actually sees words better when they are white and the background is black. It’s hard on my eyes, but it’s not my blog! :)

-Andrew is headed to Spain on Fri. Lucky kid!!! His father, Mike, is getting married. She’s a sweet thing! She’s from Spain and wants to get married in her mother’s home town. Mike is so funny…I mentioned to him, on having more kids. (he only has Andrew.) He said OH NO!!! I reminded him how much his fiance LOVES kids. Then he replies, “Well, it better happen in the next two years then!” Mike and his lady have just bought a house and Mike is “allowing” his fiance ONE room for a kid!

I’m happy for him. He’s a good guy and I only want to see him happy as well. His fiance is very nice and excepts Andrew. She is even fine with Mike and mine relationship. We have a son together, we will be communicating and she realizes this.

-OH ALMOST FORGOT!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY G-MA MARCY!!!!

Today is my mom’s birthday! She’s 73 years young! We will probably do supper tonight. HHMMM-where should we take her? Eli will want to go someplace that will sing to her and embarrass the bageebeez out of her. We’ll see what we all decide on!

-Monday! Monday is cleaning day,and I must get to it! There’s dishes and laundry and not to mention all the toys that have spread through out the apartment. I loathe cleaning! I’l find anything to stay away from it……like babbling on in my posts!

OK-off to clean!

-WAIT! One more thing…hop over to Judy and send her your words of encouragement as she goes through chemo. She has breast cancer. Her posts show her strength with this battle and I’m sure hearing encouraging words from others will only make her stronger! Thoughts and prayers go out to her from me!

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