Life and my boys

I’m stressed out! Like so stressed all I want to do is cry, yet I’m too angry to cry or the tears just won’t come, or I don’t have time to cry.

At work on Friday, it was time for lunch…I realized I hadn’t eaten since Wednesday evening. Thursday was so full of events and drama, I fed the kids and never fed myself.

Andrew and his father got into “it” big time and his father pretty much kicked him out. I’m actually surprised he managed to hang out there as long as he did. He is staying with friends right now and is looking for his own place.

He wasn’t prepared to move out, so I’ve hit the bank account to help him out. I think I bought him more groceries than I gave us at home. Perhaps he’ll make a supper or two for us.

PooWee is looking at PreK in December. I’m not overjoyed about it. As I don’t think kids need school at the age of three. I can teach him what he needs to know. I figured I’d homeschool him as I did the other two. They both turned out to be above grade level when they did enter school. Their social interactions were just fine too.

However, he’ll be too old for  the Birth to 3 program for speech therapy and will need to go to school for therapy. I don’t have all the details yet. Technically, it’s not even official. His current speech therapist said I should be getting information soon to set up the IEP process. (Oh the IEP!) I’m glad this time around I know what IEP even stands for. I know what to expect and how it “all” works. Just instead of vision, I’m dealing with speech. More to learn there though.

He’s missing his last sylable of most of his words, and missing majority of his vowel sounds. Yes, he talks backwards Polish. (No offense to the Polish!   ) He’ll tell you a story. His sweet lil face as serious as can be. It’s so hard to look at him and say, “Honey, I don’t know what your saying. I’m sorry!”  You can often get the jits of wht he’s saying, but I just really want to know all that he has to say.

There is a guilt within me that I passed this on to him. I pray he doesn’t go through all the teasing I did in early grade school. Actually, if he does my heart tells me he is a stronger lil guy than I was and can handle more than I did. If not watch out teasers because he’s got a mean punch in him.

Life with Eli has brought more than I think I can handle sometimes. It feels like everytime I turn around something new is hitting me in the face.

I’m not even sure where I begin. I’m even sort of sick of talking about everything that is racking up on us. I feel overwelmed just thinking about typing it all out.

Let’s start with school. UGH! I wish I could just pull him out and give him the education I feel he deserves. One that he will thrive in, learn at his own pace and will challenge him.

New year, new teacher, more difficulties!

For the past year Eli has been having “issues” with two particular boys at school. (We’ll call them BoyA and BoyB)

BoyA and Eli use to be friends. Then Eli told BoyA he didn’t want to be his friends because he didn’t like the way he treated him or other kids. Eli chose to hang with his current two best friends. Whom have a “bad” reputation at school. Now last year I was concerned about these new friends because of what the school and parents have all told me. And because of a a few factors that I knew of with one of the boys’ families. However I stand here (or sit really) and say I WAS WRONG! I would much rather my son be friends with these two boys verses his old friend, BoyA.

If I were to ask a teacher about BoyA and they could tell me what they thought, this is what I believe they would say.

 -”He’s the star student. Advanced in all his subjects, gets his homework completed, participates in class, and is an example to the other students. He attends leadership courses. He is involved in sports.

BoyA has a tendency to degrade the Eli. He’s better at everything and anything imaginable than the Eli, so this is what he tells him. BoyA had so much control and authority he tells Eli what postition he’s going to make his dad put Eli in for football.

BoyA likes to do physical stuff to Eli. Like bumping into him as he passed him. If Eli returns the gesture BoyA screams, “OUCH knock it off Eli.” Of course this gets the teachers attention. BoyA is sucessful at getting Eli in trouble.

BoyB is tends to be BoyA’a “tag along”, but he’s more of the physical bully. Pushing, hitting, tripping all that jazz.

Eli and his two friends DON’T TELL, that is their biggest fault. I’ve told Eli, if your not going to tell then you will be the one in trouble.

Most of the above happened last year. This year I, myself have WITNESSED much of BoyA’s “activities”. I have spoken with his father and mother only to find out that BoyA tells them a completely different story as to wait I witnessed. Of course, their child is sweet and innocent and I’m the one with the bully child.

Now I’m not saying Eli is completely innocent. Ask him, he will tell you when he does something wrong. But, I will tell you he doesn’t lie. I believe him with all my heart. Throughout these past few weeks I have questioned his truth, but then I am confirmed by others that he is being truthful.

In the last few weeks I have witnessed BoyA (at football) scream demands at Eli and his friends. I was in complete shock. I  so should have said, “Who in the hell are you to tell them what to do?” instead I turned away and his dad (assistant coach) told him to calm down. Then BoyA went over to Eli and hit him with his chest (as if to start a physical fight)as Eli was standing line and BoyA should have been on the other end of the field. Of course BoyA’s parents believe that Eli pushed him on his shoulder because that’s what he told them.

Upon leaving football BoyA was degrading Eli and his friends because they were talking about Reading Buddies. BoyA thought it was appropriate to inform them how much better he is at reading then them and how they suck. Two of us parents told them to calm down and stop. Everyone did except BoyA. BoyA continued on, but only to change the subject to how bad of a center Eli is and that he will no longer be “his” center. (BoyA of course plays quarterback. Personally, I think it’s only because Daddy is assistant coach. Actually, I should say WAS an assistant coach as he hasn’t been to any more games or practices since the time he was screaming at the kids so badly. – AH-we have a connection here, don’t we?!

Well, to continue on with the drama. BoyB decided to grab Eli’s leg as he was getting up from the floor to change positions. Eli fell forward, got up and pushed him back. Now, I’m not saying what Eli did was right, BUT I understand why he did. He is fed up with the….BULLSHIT!

Eli (and BoyB) get sent to the principals office. (I’m not aware of BoyB’s punishment or what the principal all had to say to him.) Eli had to watch a video on be a bully. The principal told him he was a “gang faultality, he should stick up for his friends, can’t continue only hang out with his two best friends, etc. I did have a lil talk with the principal. She will no longer be talking to my son without me present or atleast on the phone.

And of course principal feels Eli is “insecure with is visual impairment” and that is why he is behaving this way. So, she calls an IEP meeting.

Which is no longer an IEP, but will be a meeting to go over Eli so everyone is on the right path. Right path? – Well, you see Eli’s classroom teacher feels he’s not using his technology enough. She thinks his video magnifier should be used to view the TV when they are watching a video. (It soean’t work for that.) He is out of luck and just has to listen to the video. (But of course is expected to get as much information from it as the other students.)

She also feels he needs to start moving closer to the board when she is working on it or she is using the overhead. Eli’s response, “Why should I when I can’t see it anyways.” Very understandable. But now I ask, why does he have to “just listen” when there is technology out there that will allow him to also SEE what the other students are seeing.  He’s expected to learn the same amount they do, but with less visual intake.

So all this must of course mean there is something “up” with his behavior. So, now they are requesting a behavior assessment. Which at this point I have said NO to. Oh, they also asked for records from his therapist. Funny, how the school loves to dig deeper than they need to.

I let it all out on his vision teacher, K. (Again SORRY K!) Why is it that I have been asking and asking about his reading for nearly two years now. I also seem to get a “keep her happy” answer. But when the school says, “WWAAAA!” action is taken immediately?! At the end of last year his teacher told us he NEEDS to read atleast 15 minutes a day or he would start to fall behind. Now, someone please tell me how in two years the school could let a Gifted and Talented reader fall to “almost behind.” I am insisting on a reading evaluation, a straight answer and I don’t want to hear SHIT about his fluency. I don’t care if he reads at a 1st grade speed! I want to know how he is comprehending. And if he has fallen that much, how they are going to rectify this situation.

I will NOT sign a release for his therapy records. As our therapist stated, alot of what we talk about in therapy is NONE OF SCHOOLS BUSINESS. But, he has agreed to verbally talk to them, if they wish and I agree. He will only tell them things he feels will assist with school. But, I will be sure to remind them, THEY will pay for his time… NOT ME!

I’ve tried for over a year to get the school to recognize that Eli and his friends are not always the one’s starting trouble. That they often are the victims of bullying and degrading comments. They don’t believe their prize student (BoyA) could be doing such stuff and blow me off. Without Eli and his friends telling it’s hard. Plus the fact that they often don’t get the chance to tell their side of the story, or choose to just take the consequences verses sticking up for themselves, doesn’t make it easy for me to get the info through. Truthfully, I don’t think that the school would believe my boy anyways.

Well, I’m letting the school know. I am now becoming the tattle tail and I will become the pain in their butt until they start looking in to every and any situation I tell them about.

BoyA’s parents are good friends with (new one!) BoyC. BoyC is now accusing Eli of smashing him in the helmet with his head and hurting him , where he was crying all night long after football practice the other night. (BoyA’s mother is the one that informed me of this.) BoyC’s parents have yet to say a thing about it to me, or the coach. When I confronted Eli, he was completely clueless to what I was talking about. He didn’t do anything to BoyC. But, of course he is being blamed.

Other things these parent sare blaming Eli (and his two friends) for are…constantly fooling around during practice, making the team having to run more, hurting all their co-players, causing BoyB to quite the team because they teased him too much. (Oh yeah BoyB – his parents are friends with BoyA and BoyC too.- HHMMM another connection)

Per football coach (whom I have spoken with and they have not) Eli does NOT cause the team to run extra, he does not feel Eli would intentionally hit BoyC. He likes Eli and said that he is a very good player. He’s tuff and can stand his ground and more.

Eli is 105 pounds and short. He is the only one on the team that can consistently take down the biggest guy, who is 140 pounds and about a foot and a half taller tham Eli. You will often hear the coach telling the team that how much Eli is getting through the line. “Hey, somebody hold Eli back would ya? Don’t let Eli through, get him down this time!”

BoyA’s father use to (before his yelling got him kicked out of coaching) coach the defensive players. I never heard him say, “Wow good job Eli.” Instead it was, “Come on Eli you know how to do it!” (Gee-another connection to BoyA’s degrading remarks to my son.) 

But holy man like light and day once the main coach took over teaching defense, my E-man is a STAR! The coach is very impressed with him.

At practice you can feel the tention each and everytime Eli breaks through the offensive line and tackles BoyA to the ground before he gets the chance to even see where to throw the ball. BoyA will cry and scream at Eli, because you know…Eli did SOMETHING wrong. BoyA has cries every practice, he yells at everyone that knocks him down. 

BoyA, BoyC and two other sets of parents like to hang out and talk about Eli and his two friends. They make it very well known. I think they are worse than the kids.

 

Thursday nights practice has been haunting every since. 

Towards they end of practices the boys get to play a game the coach calls Deer and Wolves. Wolves need to tackle all the Deer to the ground.

Eli was laying low during practice this day as he hurt his back during school. (Not pertaining to his disk that was slipping. That has been stable for over a year. Which is why he was cleared to join football by his spine doctor.) The coach knew this and reminded the boys all practice to be a bit more careful with Eli because he had hit his back earlier in the day.

Back to Deer and Wolf. Again Eli was a Wolf, he wore the blue cap on his helmet,he was to tackle the other kids  who did not have a blue cap on, the Deer. Eli was towards the outside trying to find a Deer. Being dark he can’t see doo doos, but if one were to go right in front of him, he’d get them.

Out of the blue this DEER runs in and tackles Eli onthe right side, Eli flies off the ground and slams down on his back. I saw it all. I run out there, yell for the game to stop, look up at the father of the kid that hit him, (Eli laid right in front of him) and asked him for help.

He looked at me. I heard him tell his kid he wasn’t suppose to hit him so hard, and HE WALKED AWAY! Where did he walk to you ask? He walked over to BoyA’s father, BoyC’s mother and laughed with them! I overhear BoyC’s mother say VERY LOUDLY, (she wanted us to hear) “Well, atleast one of our kids didn’t get injured tonight!” Now, I also have to mention that BoyA’s father is an EMT. Yet, he didn’t move an inch towards Eli. Who by the way was screaming, his right leg was tingly and numb and he was holding his back.

One of the coaches did make it over. Eli got to his feet and limped his way to the car. I had his spinal doctor paged. Waited over an hour for his page. Without a response I took Eli to the ER. The doctor managed to look at Eli a whole two minutes, proceeded to tell me it was a muscle injury. I stressed the FACT that he had a bad disk right where the pain was. But nothing worked and he pretty much walked out on me.

I paged his spinal doctor AGAIN, I was so uncomfortable with Eli’s state and wanted his disk looked at. Spinal doctor’s reply, “What do you want me to do about it tonight. Come to the office on Tuesday.”

So, Eli is back on his crutches as he was way in the beginning (almost two years ago) with his back pain. He can’t walk very well without them without alot of pain. He’s surviving on over the counter pain medication every 6hrs. Though he could use some sooner.

He wanted to go to school on Friday against my wishes. He did well. He had to endure BoyC laughing at him and making comments to his friends. He had to hear from other firends how BoyA explained how Eli was crying when it happened.

FUROSIOUS MOTHER that I have turned into immediately emailed the teacher about these boys. The teacher forwarded the email to the principal. Who called my cell phone (even thought the teacher knew I was at work) telling me that we have a problem because BoyA wasn’t in school all day. He was at leadership. (HA-what a leader!) Clarified with Eli and BoyA returned during Math class. Called and left voice mail to principal about clarification and sternly stated I AM DONE WITH THIS BOYS ACTIONS. I will be reporting everything and if it happens during school I will expect them to investigate the situation.

I’m not playing nice anymore. Nice has gotten me no where. Now, I’m pissed and the pissed off Rhonda will not be happy until these situations come to an end.

I’ve had several conversations with the football coach who too is very concerned and distaught at what took place. He too sees the personality I see with BoyA. BoyA is smart though, I’ll give him that. He plays the good game when the teachers are around. Coach is very concerned about Eli.

My fear…that on Tues we will find out that Eli’s disk has slipped more. I think even if Eli didn’t have a bad disk, he would have been severly injured with as hard as this kid hit him. We had been told that if his disk slipped any further, he would need surgery. I feel so very sad for Eli. As he loves football, and HE’S GOOD AT IT! Plus it’s one out of how many sports that he WILL be able to continue playing for his school years with his blindness. Now, if he needs surgery on his back, will he ever play again. Will surgery be the “fix all” and he can return to playing next year? Eli also heard the parents laughing and the comments made. How could grown adults be happy that he was hit so badly? How could an EMT NOT come and help and injured child, even IF he didn’t like that child? How can someone walk away from a mother asking them to help he injured child? I can’t help but wonder if this “accident” was triggered by parents. Am I wrong to think this? I feel wrong! But, why would this kid do this when he wasn’t even suppose be a a F-ing Wolf  doing the tackling?

Why does Eli have to suffer so much? What has he ever done to have one thing after another happen to him? WHY?! And please don’t tell me God only gives us what we can handle. Or everything happens for a reason. I’m angry, I’m hurt, I’m tired and I just want this all to go away!