Archive for August, 2009

Just Killing Time!

August 30, 2009 · Filed under Andrew, Elijah, Family, Just for fun, My Boys, life, me

Early Sunday morning at work waiting for the doctors to come in to give me some work to do. I’ve said for years that I should just sleep in on Sundays and they can call me ehtn the doctors decide to start working. BUT NO!! I’m here bright and early waiting and waiting and waiting.

This morning I could be sitting with the RNs chatting away, but ugh, I don’t care for their conversation, so instead I’m at my own lil work station typing away. Not too sure what I plan to write. Guess whatever comes out…is whatcha get!

One more day of summer break. :( I just can not believe how fast this summer went. Sad that we never went camping. Sad that I never got my bike fixed. Sad that we didn’t make it to the pool as much as we have in past years. PooWee really took to the water this year too. Although the weather was not very “summery” either. :(

Andrew will be starting his freshman year of college on Tuesday. I’m in shock! I officially have an adult child! I am so proud of him. And well maybe a little bit proud of myself as well. I did good. Having him at 17, raising him primarily on my own, though his father was always a part of his life we were not together. He’s going to do well in this world. I just know it!

His focus is still engineering. Though he is considering checking out some Psychology courses. I’ve always told him he would make a good social worker or councellor. He’s the “goto friend” when there’s a disagreement amongst his friends, when a friend is dumped by their girl/boyfriend, or when a friend finds out they are expecting a baby. He’s the mediator in his clan and good at it.

Whatever he chooses in life, I have no doubt he will excell and make me even more proud of him.

Elijah is a big 5th grader this year. He’s part of the big wigs this year at his school. Last year in Elemantary school. (Yes, I’m already freaking out about him going to Jr. High next year! But, that’ll be a whole nother post.)

We had his open house last week, dropped off his supplies and chatted with his teacher, Mrs. H.

We already know his desk will need to be moved to a darker location in the room. He’s a bit upset as it was right next to his friend. He’s hoping his friend will move too. :)

He wants to be a crossing guard. It’s just the “cool” thing you get to do in 5th grade. I’ve been telling him that I doubt he will beable to. The last assessment done two years ago said  he can see a moving car from approximately a block away. Not too good when your crossing kids across the street. Mrs. H said they would find an alternative job for him to do. Perhaps he can “man” the playground at recess. She mentioned he could be the “Good Citizen watcher” and award those kids doing well. He was very happy to hear he could still join the crossing gauard crew.

In a letter Mrs. H sent home for parents stated the years expectations. She stated that as a guideline there should be 10 minutes of homework for each grade level. Leaving Eli to expect 50 minutes of homework a night. HHMMM…he sat for HOURS sometimes last year. Yes, his work takes him longer than the “normal” sighted child. I’m already planning on talking to her about what we should expect from him.

I know I’m not going to make him read lengthy readings anymore. I have come to the conclusion that it is just too hard and stressful on him. I am well aware that his teachers are concerned about him falling behind with reading. But as I look at it…there will be a point when he falls behind and can’t read to grade level. HE’S BLIND PEOPLE!!!! Lets start focusing more on the alternatives to reading that are out there for him. I will INSIST that his (chapter) books are on tape. I will not put him through an hour of straining his eyes, and ending up with a headache because he had to read 15 pages in a small font book! First of all, where’s his large print that should have been provided for him?

I’m increasing my expectations of the school this year. Not necessarily the teaching or the teachers themselves, but the services/equipment that will provided for him. I’m not excepting the excuse, “well this is all we have to offer.” Nope!

We are still in the CCTV battle with my insurance company. Actually, things are just getting started. My case was put on hold for awhile as other cases were finishing up. 

I am aware that the organization that is helping me is also planning going after the school as well to provide newer and better technology for Eli. Yes I am excited for Eli, but for the whole visually impaired program as it will help all. Eli’s CCTV at school is a great asset to him, it’s old though. It’s not even in color. Try coloring a map in black and white, but you are using colored pencils. Yes he’s colorblind as well, but that doesn’t mean he can’t see color.

It’ll be interesting to see what comes about. I never wanted to be too aggessive with the school system. But it’s looking like that’s the only way things will improve.

At the conference we attended earlier this summer we learnt that kindergarteners are using newer technology than he is. They are learning how to use this technology and how it benefits them. I want that for Eli. Iwant him to know whats out there and how these items can help him.

Again, I could go on FOREVER about the E-man. There truly is just always something going on with him. Raising a special needs child is so much different than raising an “average” child. (Sorry for the lack of wording there!) There is so many different issues that arise, different needs physically and emotionally. And then spreading yourself among all your children equally is so hard. I’m surviving though and will fight for all my kids…no matter their needs.

Raising Eli has given me so much more respect for my mother. I have a mental challeged brother. He has been living on his own now for over 15 years, but he was about 30 before he was able to. She still needs to watch over him and give him rides. Along withhim she raise 5 other children. And at times she was a single parent as well. My mom deserves the world!

THE POOMAN!!!!! Oh what a joy he is! I’m planning on starting our own lil school sessions with him this year. Just a little bit each day, we’ll sit down and have school. It’ll be fun! He can connect with Eli and tell Eli all about what he did in school each day.

He started speech therapy twice a month this summer. He LOVES it! His therapist comes to the house carring her bag full of fun toys. He cries everytime she leaves. He’s good at making you feel guilty for leaving him.

He actually didn’t qualify for therapy (again). Do to him being “too smart” for his age STILL. :) But, they got him in as they didn’t want him to fall farther behind in language.

He talks up a storm, nonstop, but the pronounciation just doesn’t come out. I’m sad to say he has inherited mine and my father’s speech problem. I was in speech therapy until 4th grade. I would (want) to say “car”, but it came out “cow”. How sad it was! And all the teasing I endured in my early school years breaks my heart. I am praying we are able to help PooWee enough before he enters school so he can escape the teasing and harrassment.

He is so cute though. Eli is determined to get PooWee to say “Elijah” good.

Elijah to PooWee – Say EEEEEEE

PooWee- EEEE

Elijah – Say LLLLL (long) IIIIII

PooWee- LLLIIIII

Elijah-JA(short a sound)

PooWee-JA

Elijah-say EEE LLLLIII  JA!

PooWee-AAAHHHWWWWAAAA!!! :)

He loves his Ah-Wa! He actually sings AH-WA, AH-WA, AH-WA to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star! Sneaking a “Momma in there now and then. It’s so cute!

His favorite toy(s) right now are puzzles. HE LOVES THEM. No more wooden puzzles for him though. He is mastering  24 piece puzzles and actually does fairly well on his own with a 60 piece one as well.

I”m raising a future computer geek! He is addicted to the computer and will fight with all his might to be on it whenever and for as long as he wants. Oh yes, we are learning who is in charge…and he’s not winning. :)

Since Andrew has moved out he has grown a little of an attitude towards him. He adores seeing him come to visit. Runs up to him gives him a big hug and plays with him. BUT, when Andrew leaves he refuses to give him ahug and kiss bye-bye. He’s even swung his arms to stop Andrew from getting one. Yet he loves watching Andrew leave on his motorcycle. We walk to the end of the driveway and watch him until he’s out of sight.

Andrew is so cute too. He’ll text me to let me know that he is on his way over and to make sure PooWee is there and awake. He misses his baby brother! :)

Well, time to actually work. Doctors have arrived!

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What DO I DO?

August 23, 2009 · Filed under Helping others, Ranting, fustration, life, me, venting, whining

Sometimes I just wish I didn’t know things. It would make thinks so much easier. But, easy just doesn’t seem to be the way my life goes sometimes.

I have been informed that someone whom, I care about is doing drugs.  This particular person is only a young teen. Immediate response would be to talk with the child’s mother. Just to call her up and tell her what I HEARD and am concerned about. I think it should be “checked” into. However, I stop and think again.

The last time a I spoke to this mother about a concern. My mother was yelled at by various people, Elijah was yelled at by various people, but NO ONE came to me about it. I had told only one additional person about this issue and that was my mom. Just to get her opinion on what I should do.

I was accused of things that were not true. I was glared at by others. This particular mother blabbed to everyone. However, turned out that I WAS RIGHT. Her child FINALLY confessed. BUT, my mother, Elijah nor me ever heard an apology. Nor did all the outsiders hear that I WASN’T lieing. Just really urks me.

This mother supports Elijah’s father. Speaks of what a good man he has become and how awful I am for “keeping” Elijah from him.

1 I have NEVER stopped Elijah’s father from seeing him. Would I if he knocked on my door….DAMN STRAIGHT!

2 This mother was not holding Elijah every night as he shivered in fear. Fear that he was going to be killed.

3 This mother doesn’t sit with Elijah in therapy every other week 5 years later. SHE HAS NO CLUE!

My mother and I are best friends. We share more together than anyone will know. I am ridiculed for how she watches the boys. Of course NOT TO MY FACE, just behind my back. But, these people don’t know that I do have another option. I don’t NEED mother to watch my boys. But, she NEEDS to watch them for the money. I can’t give her the money and someone else. They don’t know that often the boys are just a good excuse for her not having to attend something she doesn’t want to. Instead, I’m criticised over and over and over and over again.

So, what is all this venting and complaining about? I’m stuck on what to do about what I have heard.

Last year I choose to keep the fact that this child is VERY sexually active to myself and my best friend (my mother). Mom is the one that suggested it as we both know what the retaliation towards me would be.

Mother once again says…”Don’t say anything. Your just going to start trouble!”

Why is it that I AM STARTING trouble? I have never started trouble. I’ve just been open and honest. But, trouble always comes and I do turn out to be the BAD GUY to a lot of people. All because I don’t go blabbing my mouth from person to person. (Sure I’m blabbing here…but, if you know who and what I am actually talking about then stand up! Yep-that’s what I thought! 99.99% of you stayed sitting.)

So, I’m asking you…my internet friends. What do I do? I’ve thought of something anonymous, but fear it will still come back to me. Do I just leave it well enough alone and hope this was the one and only time this teen will use?

There is part of me that REALLY DOESN”T CARE of the replications, as it’s helping someone I do care about. But, it’s also going to hurt my mother as I would bet my life on it she would get “beat up” by others for me saying what I heard. AND yes, no one would come to me. My mother would once again become a major wreck and perhaps again be drawn to tears as these other people yell at her for something I did. (Out of good faith!)

I’m not worried about what is said behind my back, wish they had the guts to come to me. It’s so juvenille.  I don’t care what these people think of me. But, I do care about my mother getting hurt AGAIN and perhaps Elijah too!

Help…….

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Me…Speaking in Front of a Group of People…This Can’t Be RIGHT!!!

August 20, 2009 · Filed under Blind, Helping others, life, me, visually impaired

Wow! Two posts in one day! I can hardly believe it myself!

This one is a little more upbeat. Though it makes me a nervous wreck.

I’ve been asked to speak at our nest Outreach Visually Impaired Family Gathering on Sept 29th. UGH! I don’t do well speaking in front of others.

Our director would like me to speak about my experience in getting Eli a CCTV for at home. (Oh, it’s all still going on! Patience has been the biggest learning device I have come to find out.) She’d like me to note my resources, the process and where we are at now.

This particular gathering has got me nervous enough as I have set-up the location and am helping in planning it. So, obviously, I’m worried about the location being nice, and everything turning out GREAT. AND NOW I HAVE TO BE THE SPEAKER!!! OMG OMG OMG…..

I haven’t started…haven’t even looked over all my paperwork on the subject. I’m growing more and more nervous everyday. Yet, i’m not doing anything to prepare. I know…I’m being a MAJOR PROCRASINATOR!!!

I also have an internal drive that wants to start a petition (or whatever) to start making insurance companies help pay for assistive technology for the blind. It still astounds me how they don’t recognize the visually impaireds’ needs.

So, I have hopes that on this dull, grey, wet day I start preparing for my big “debut” on “How to obtain (or atleast TRY to!) assistive technology for our blind/visually impaired child”

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Sometimes the Rain Just Fits the Mood

August 20, 2009 · Filed under Blind, Elijah, life, visually impaired

As you guess…it’s raining here today. It’s a dull, grey, wet day here. That’s OK with me though as we’re not up to doing much today.

I emailed  Occupaws again yesterday as I had still not heard anything from after the board meeting. This was their response…

“Hello Rhonda,

I am so sorry that I haven’t gotten back to you.  We have had some staff turn
over on our board of directors and I’ve been reappointing and training people in
their new positions.

We did have our board meeting and discussed Eli’s situation.  Eli is a very
capable and smart young man.  I really enjoyed meeting with you both.  We feel
that Eli’s cane skills and his residual vision allow him to travel pretty well
at this time.  We feel Eli would make a great guide dog handler in the future. 
We would like to stay in contact with you and keep Eli’s application open.  As
Eli loses more vision, I think he would benefit more from a Children’s Visual
Companion Dog.

In the mean time, is it possible for your family to acquire a “pet” dog?  It
would be great if Eli and your family can get accustomed to caring for a dog. 
This may also help Eli’s anxieties in the house.  We occasionally have career
change dogs that are already obedience trained, and that may be a possibility
for your family.  You would need to fill out a career change application to get
your name on the list.  I would also suggest calling some local dog trainers in
your area to see if they can help find you an older puppy with some obedience
training.  Just some thoughts.

Thank you again for the opportunity to meet Eli and your family.  We are looking
forward to working with Eli in the future.  Please keep us updated on his
progress.

“Harnessing Independence Through Teamwork”

 

I totally respect their opinion. It is what it is! We actually were pretty prepared for this answer, but it still makes us sad. I’m trying to look at the positives of not having a dog.

-I don’t have to run home from work everyday at  lunch for potty break.

-I really want Eli to become more independent. He needs to get off my hip.:) And with these Visual Companion Dogs I MUST hold the leash at all times. So, really he’s not gaining that independence. But, I saw the dog as a step closer. Giving him the courage to take that step away from me. To take me out of his visual field. Eli is reaching the age where he can venture off on his own in the right situation. With this type of dog, he couldn’t, he would need me to hold the leash as he holds the harness. I just thought that it may be possible for him to let go of the harness and venture off.

-No additional money needed. No vet bills or dog food to buy.

We’re just sad. Almost everything we did this summer we talked about having the dog with us. How fun it would have been to take him to the Concerts on the Square, soccer games or craft days at the museum. Even our trips to the grocery store would have been more fun.

I know she leaves the email open ended as if there is hope for the future. But, looking at it, really I  believe we are done. The program goes to age 12. Eli turns 11 next month, leaving us only 1 year.

Plus, not to mention that I’m truly hoping his vision doesn’t get any worse for obvious reasons.

The dog has been a huge discussion at therapy. Eli’s therapist really feels one would be a great asset for him. Plan is was to get a dog if the vision dog fell through. However, I don’t believe my landlord will agree. I saw him a few weeks ago. I discussed the vision dog with him and his reply was,”One of those dogs would be OK.” Basically, telling me Yes to a vision dog…no to a “normal” dog. So, it’s a bite for any future dog for us.

I do love following their puppy raiser blogthough. I’ll continue to do so. Check it out! And if you can…donate or even become a puppy raiser! :)

This is my absolute favorite picture from their blog. So cute! So much hope! And such a gift! What a wonderful thing this organization is doing!

Yeah…it’s a dull, grey, wet day here.

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I’m Living In A Dungeon

August 6, 2009 · Filed under Blind, Elijah, Just for fun, Parenting, life, me, visually impaired

It was due time I block the sun from shining in my home. I love the sunshine and welcomed it every morning. However, poor Elijah’s eyes can not tolerate it. He’s been wearing his sunglasses in the house to prevent headaches. He shouldn’t have to deal with headaches if they can be prevented. And why should I make him wear his sunglasses in the house?

I’ve held off as long as I could. I was looking at buying a home, so why improve this one. But, honestly, I like calling my landlord up and having him fix whatever is broke. Last winter my fridge broke. One five minute phone call and three hours later I had a brand new fridge. I like that! I just don’t think I want the responsibilities. My landlord rocks, very nice and understanding guy. The girl that lives in the other apartment is great as well. So…why move?

Eli has been making his own sun blockers. Blankets were getting tossed up on the curtain rods. The rods just couldn’t take that anymore and are all bent out of shape. Not to mention how funny a dinosaur blanket looks from the outside hanging in the window.

So yesterday we ventured to the “home improvement” store and bought vertical blinds for the living room and shades for the kitchen. Me, myself and I put up the blinds. I was impressed at how easy they were. My friend, D said he would do it for me if I wanted him to. I told him if I started swearing I’d give him a call. To my surprise I didn’t have to call him. Although it would have been nice to see him. The hardest part was keeping the electric drill/screw driver away from PooWee.

I went with shades in the kitchen because there are already brackets up from some other tenant(s) in the past. So, I took full advantage of them.

The office also got a window make over. I was able to use the previous living room curtains. I folded them in half making them thicker, so they block out pretty much all the sunlight. Works well and doesn’t look bad either.

The boys’ bedroom curtain are already good, so nothing done in that room. My room allows the most sun in, but it is still quite dark. Eli can go in there without problems. So no fix needed there as well.

I’m going to miss the sun shining in my home. But it was a fix that was needed to help Eli. If I go through any withdrawals the plan is for me to goto my room and pull my curtains wide open. Eli called it my “Sunshine Time-Out”. I’m thinking I could take FULL ADVANTAGE of that! :)

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I Can Handle It!

August 1, 2009 · Filed under Blind, Elijah, Family, Just for fun, My Boys, PooWee, life, me, visually impaired

I just couldn’t handle not hearing anything from Occupaws on the Visual Companion dog for Elijah. I broke down and emailed.

I got a response within an hour. She apologized for the delay and stated that it has been difficult for the board to meet due to vacations. The board meeting is scheduled for Tues. 8-4. She did mention her concerns on PooWee’s age and my small yard, but added that the entire board would decide what was right for Elijah and the dog.

I keep having dreams that they are announcing who gets a dog. The “first” dog goes to someone else. I always know there is another dog. I’m waiting to hear who that dog is going to, but I wake up! This has happened about 6-8 times. They are different dreams, with the same “story line”. I haven’t quiet figured it out yet.

I fear I will be giving Elijah the sad news. (He did very well with the art contest turn down.)

I know the president feels I am taking on A LOT of responsibility all on my own. If it weren’t “just” me here, she may feel different. I just want to yell to her, “BRING IT ON!!! I CAN DO IT! If it benefits my child I will sacrifice myself to help him/them.” (Gee-I needed this attitude when I was pregnant with the PooMan-ah?!)

I’ve stressed over and over again to Eli the responsibility he would be taking on . He whines now about having to get up in the mornings. I’ve told him, he would have to get up even earlier to care for the dog before we left the house. He says he will. I’m sure I’ll have to be a drill sargent on somedays, but I think he wants this so badly he would do it.

Besides feeding, grooming, playing and walking, the dog also needs his obediance training daily. Perhaps I can train him/her to pick up toys and fold laundry. :)

Winter walks are my struggle. My outside adventure(s) in winter consist of walking from my car to the house or store. We would be fortunate to be able to take the dog into all public places, so heading to the mall for our daily walk is an option. (Oh, I despize the mall! I would do it though. Eli would need to be trained that we are NOT going into the game store everytime though.) I guess my life could use a change and why not start with the winter months. Heres to more walks in the winter and more layers of clothing.

Oh and PooWee would just love the dog too. He’s so cute when we do see other dogs out and about. He stops about 5 feet from the dog, squats down, looks at the owner and says “PaaAase” (Please) and does his sgning for please and gentle.

Elijah had the suggestion that we make a saddle for the dog and PooWee could just ride the dog. Hey, then there would be no worries about him running away from me.

I think the PooMan will do great. He’s your typical two year old. Wait that’s 2 1/2 already! He’s learning when and where he can venture on his own.

He does hate the shopping cart though. Oh my, this is something he hasn’t liked since he came out of his infant seat. I don’t think he’ll ever like them. I am the one in the store with the screaming kid because he doesn’t want to sit in the cart. Recently, I’ve started letting him walk. he can 1- hold my hand, 2- hold Eli’s hand, or 3 hold the cart (help push). If he lets go and wonders off, (he gets tothe count of three) he’s in the cart for the rest of the shopping trip. Which tends to end when he gets in to the cart, due to him announcing to the entire store how unhappy he is about being in there. Is there therapy for a shopping cart phobia? Shopartobia???

Let’s not forget about the doggie poo poo that would need to be cleaned up. Great thing is the dog is trained to go only when on a leash. So, they eat, you take them out, they do their thing and then you pick it up. Elijah insists he’s not “touching” it with a plastic bag. He’s all about the poopy scooper. As long as he does it. Though I’m quiet sure we won’t ALWAYS have the scooper with us. 

Food and vet bills really aren’t my worry. Heck, Andrew ate and ate and ate, I’m told the dog food is about $50/month. That’s looking good for me! I can handle the annual vet visits. Anything major, I have an awesome vet that allows me to make payments. I did well with Mooses surgery, so I’m sure they would allow me to make payments again if needed. Plus Occupaws will visit the vet and try to get a discounted rate for me seeing it is a therapy dog.

I think Elijah could use the positive encounters from friends and strangers in the stores and other places.  

Elijah can’t see his friends as he passes them in a store. He hears the voice say, “Hi Elijah”, but if he doesn’t know their voice he tends to barely lift his hand and says, “Hi” so quietly I can hardly hear him. His excuse….”Well, I don’t know who it is!” With a dog at Elijah’s side, he will encounter more and more people approaching him that (hopefully) he becomes more comfortable with talking to any “blurry blob” that says, “Hi” to him.

My positive list outways my negative list. It’s just so darn hard to wait and then to think that we may not receive one. So, my thought is….if we don’t receive one I will focus on not having to go for a walk at 8 pm in 15 below weather. (Verses no dog :(  .  )

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