So, Elijah has a new friend. We’ll call him Bill. This friend lives by my substitute sitters, (Shelly) house. My regular sitter has taken a few weekends off this summer, so Elijah has become pretty good friends with Bill.
Bill worries me. I don’t believe he is a good influence for Elijah. Actually, I know he can be a negative influence on Elijah. They can however play very well and have lots of fun.
Bill slept over one night. We went swimming, out to eat and rented movies and video games. The boys had a blast and didn’t have one little disagreement. When it was time to clean up the living room the following day, Bill just sat there. I asked him a few times to help Elijah pick up the mess both of them made, he still just sat. I did tell him that at my house, you need to pick up the mess you make. He then just wanted to go home. He lives about 15 blocks away and I wouldn’t let him walk. I had been planning on taking him home shortly, when Andrew came back with the car and PooWee woke up. He called his mother and she said it was OK for him to walk home by himself. Personally, I wouldn’t let my 9 year old walk that far by himself.
I talk with Elijah about Bill coming over again. Bill needs to respect my rules. I also had to talk about Elijah’s sassy mouth. He sure was a sas-bucket. He stated that he was only joking, but I made it clear I did not like it.
Last weekend Elijah wanted to spend the night at Bill’s house. I agreed. Well, Elijah has confided in me that there were some “not so good” things that accrued.
Bill’s older brother, John babysat them because Bill’s parents went to the bar. (And came home drunk.) Shelly has informed me that John has just gotten back home from being away for a year. Not sure if he was in Foster Care or a detention center. Now, IF my kids had a friend sleep over and I went out and had some else babysit, I would make the parent aware I was not going to be home and someone else was going to be watching the kids. So, I was somewhat shocked, but everything was fine. Elijah said John was pretty nice.
The part that worries me the most is Elijah and Bill were able to rome the neighborhood all they wanted without informing anyone where they were. They ventured to a fireworks tent and BOUGHT some. This is illegal and I have spoken to the police that minors were sold fireworks at this place.
I am very concerned that Elijah told me Bill also STOLD some fireworks. Elijah stated Bill said he was going to take some and Elijah told him not to. Then as they were walking to Bill’s house Bill pulled some out of his pocket. Elijah wanted to ask him for them, so he could sneak them back to the dealer, but feared the dealer would think he took them.
I talked with Shelly about speaking to Bill’s parents about him stealing. She told me not to bother, “they wouldn’t care anyways.”
Bill stold a lighter from his parents and was lighting the fireworks off without supervision. Elijah said he was worried Bill was going to start a fire, but did admit it was “fun too.” Bill’s younger brother told his parents he was lighting off fireworks. The father just yelled at him to stop, but NEVER TOOK THE LIGHTER AND FIREWORKS AWAY!!!!
Elijah stated that John taught Bill to steal. He also taught him to smoke last summer, but Bill doesn’t smoke anymore. (Yes, he’s only 9!) Bill really likes John and it’s obvious John is an influence on him.
I did meet Bill’s mother prior to him sleeping over. She came outside and we chatted some. Her appearance seemed dirty and she appeared to be very tired. She did mention that she was cleaning and had no sleep the night before. Now, I have the thought that possible she was “high” and hadn’t bathed for sometime. I hate to judge though.
When I went to pick up Elijah after he slept over, I met Bill’s father. He was a “ruff” looking man. Didn’t speak to me at all. He just yelled, “BILL GET YOUR D*MN A*S IN HERE, ELIJAH’S MOTHER IS HERE! NOW!” I waited in the car.
I’ve discussed the negatives of this friendship with Elijah. He argues he’s not going to do the “bad stuff Bill does”. I trust him, but am aware he can be influenced to do them. I also see Elijah as being a POSITIVE influence on Bill. I fear risking Elijah positive behavior, by letting him hang out with Bill.
I have agreed to let the friendship continue under the rule he does not go to any type of store without an adult with them. He is to play with Bill at Shelly’s house or our house ONLY. Elijah is anger at me for this decision. He INSISTS he’s not going to steal. I’ve explained that even if he doesn’t know Bill stold something, he could get into trouble for being with Bill. It hasn’t helped much, Elijah still sees it as a negative. I have basically told him, he either excepts my decision or I end the friendship entirely.
I think Bill is growing up in a household that doesn’t monitor him as much as I monitor my kids. His parents don’t seem do do much disciplining, hence him doing whatever he wants. I don’t want to label the family as being trouble makers, but that what appears to be the case.
So…what would you do?
I somewhat feel I’m risking Elijah’s good behavior to try and give Bill some positive influences. I don’t want to jeopardize Elijah in anyway. Right now I trust him with his choices and will watch the friendship closely. He has agreed to communicate issues with me. Though I do fear he may not tell me something in fear of me ending the friendship.
Elijah leaves on Sunday for two weeks. He’s home for two days and then leaves for another week. I’m happy to say that’s three weeks of not having to worry about them hanging out.
