Archive for June, 2008

Moose R.I.P

June 29, 2008 · Filed under kitties

Moose

2001-2008

 

Moose, your life was too short. We loved having you as part of our family. You will remain in our hearts FOREVER!

 

On Thurs. June 19th, I had to make a decision I never want to make again. I had our Mooser put to sleep. I’m not sure I agree with my decision. I feel as though I killed him, which I guess I sort of did. I use to think animals had it nice, in that they could be put out of their misery. But, when I was faced with that decision I tried everything to not make the choice. Then I listened to the Vet and gave the OK. Now, I question whether it was right for me to make that choice.

On Wed. I took Moose to the Vet. Fearing they would tell me there was nothing they could do for him. He had lost alot of weight, he wasn’t eating, he just laid around, barely able to walk. He didn’t have the strength to jump on my bed and lay at my feet as he did every night. He didn’t beg for fresh food in his bowl even though it was half full. He wasn’t Moose anymore.

Moose had a large mass in his stomach. The Vet poked a syringe into this mass (which Moose didn’t even flinch when she did it) and pulled out some fluid. It appeared to have some bowel and infection in it. She figures he had a bowel obstruction the backed up into his stomach.

The Vet did tell me the best for Moose was to put him to sleep right then and there. I told her I couldn’t until Andrew and Elijah had a chance to say good-bye. She agreed that they should and we planned on my returning on Thurs.

Andrew took Moose into the backyard and sat with him for sometime. He cried as he laid with Moose in the grass. He ran to the grocery store to buy Moose a can of tuna, which Moose did enjoy.

Elijah fell asleep with Moose under the coffee table as he said his good-byes.

I…I avoided Moose Wed. night. I didn’t want to face it. I pretended the situation wasn’t real and acted as if it were just another day.

As a family we discussed what would be best for Moose. They boys had so many questions I could not answer. I had agreed to call the Vet and ask these questions before proceeding.

Basically, all of our questions were answered with…”there’s nothing we can do.” Andrew really would have like to have Moose put down at home, but the vet said it didn’t fit their schedules for a few weeks. They didn’t have like a hospice care at home for Moose either.

I was told that Moose was not currently in pain, but would be at some time. When, they couldn’t answer. I really just wanted Moose to pass on his own at home in my arms. I didn’t want to make the choice for him. I wanted to wait as well. Then I was faced with no on e being home for the weekend. What if Moose started to have pain while no one was home. I leave the house at 6am and don’t return till 8pm if not later all weekend. What if he died alone and in major pain. I wouldn’t want that.

So, I called the Vet back and made the dreadful appointment. Meanwhile I had to find a container to bury him in. It was so hard. I wanted my dad to build a wooden box with carpeting as he did for our pets as I grew up. But, my dad is not around anymore, I had to do this on my own. I thought of running to the store to find something, but that just didn’t seem right. It would be an “unfamiliar” container for him. I finally chose a Rubbermaid container that held some of Eli’s toys. The hardest was seeing if Moose would fit. How could I put him in it, knowing he would be buried in it. I grabbed a receiving blanket of PooWee’s, some kitty toys and a picture of the three boys to place with him.

I bawled with him, held his fragile body and told him to move, to do something, to tell me not to do this to him. But, he just laid there all limp. He purred as he always did, but it was as if he was already dead.

I drove him to the vet. He laid on the floor in the car, cried a few times, but that was it. Normally, he basically throws a fit in the car. He HATED it and would let the world know. As I carried him in the vets there was a huge dog. Here too, Moose would have given this dog a piece of his mind, but this time, his head just hung from my arm and didn’t move an inch.

I got time with Moose in the office. I laid him on the table wrapped my arm around him and laid my head on him and cried. I told him I was sorry, that I didn’t know what was right or wrong. I didn’t want him to have any pain. He continued to purr.

The actual process wasn’t that bad on me. I held his head looked him in the eyes and told him we all loved him dearly. It was rather peaceful, he did just go to sleep. The vet curled him up into his forever container, he fit pretty snugly. We covered him with the blanket and placed the lid on.

Taking him out of the office in that container was hard. When I got to the car it all hit me…he was gone now. He would only remain in our hearts. There would be no more Mooser to laying on my feet at night. How could I have done this! What gave me the right to make the choice how short his life would be. What if he would have lived another month, week or even one more day?

Andrew dug the hole for him. Together Andrew and I placed Moose in it. (Elijah could not be there as he had left for camp already. He left with the hope that Moose would still be with us when he returned.) Andrew finished burying Moose and I put PooWee down for his much needed nap. I returned to Moose’s forever home to find the large rock Andrew dug up placed carefully at the top of the mount. Andrew figured Eli could paint it for Moose’s tombstone. On the mound of dirt Andrew drew a heart. I then went and got some seeds Elijah had given me for Mother’s day from school and we planted them in the heart.

My stepmother has tried to reassure me that I made the right decision. She has reminded me that Moose would have been gone 4 years earlier had I not decided to have his bladder surgery done. But, it doesn’t help, maybe he would have been with us a week longer had I not decided what I did. I know he would have died, but I can’t get over that I, I decided when he died.

Teddy Bear shows he is missing Moose. He’s at my feet all the time. He has lost his sleeping buddy, his playing buddy and also the buddy he fought with.

We all miss our Moose!

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Where does the time go?

June 16, 2008 · Filed under Andrew

What a busy summer we will be having. I’m so EXCITED, we are going to have so much fun.

The sad part is…it will be Andrew’s last summer with us. Well, his last one before he becomes an ADULT! WOW…my first baby is going to be off to college next summer. I am feeling sad. I can’t believe how fast it’s gone.

This next year we have so much planning to do for him. He took his SATS this weekend. We’ll be applying for colleges, senior pics are due by September. Before I know it, he’ll be graduating! I have his graduation present planned. I’d LOVE to get him a laptop. I think this next winter (Oh, I hate that word) I’ll try to pick up extra hours at work to accomplish getting him one.

I’m happy to say he is thinking about staying here in Wausau at the UWMC, for his Associates degree and then head to UW Madison, UW Milwaukee, or UW Plattville to finish off his degree. He’s going to go into Civil Engineering.

Like most teens, he wants out of the house right away. He plans on getting an apartment with three of his friends. I wish he would just stay at home, but I completely understanding wanting to experience life on his own. I like that he will be in Wausau for two years. I told him this will give him the experience of life, yet Mom and Dad (his dad has moved back to Wausau) are right here to lean on if he needs us. I suppose we will become his laundry mat, and a place to grab some food. We talked and I will start to buy him stuff on his birthday, and Christmas for his “new” home. Things like dishes and towels, you know…all the things he never wanted before.

Andrew has turned into an AWESOME young man. He is a GREAT friend, a SWEET boyfriend and the BEST BIG brother a kid could ask for. As mother and son, we have grown so much throughout these past years. Oh YEAH we can fight. If there is one thing he is good at and that is arguing. I use to tell him he needed to become a lawyer or go into arbitration. He is one of those people that will argue that the sky is green.

I’m proud to say, that even though we fight, he knows he can come to me with ANYTHING. He can share his thoughts and I will not judge him. At times I tell him he is sharing TOO much with me. I tell him, he’s not suppose to tell me these things for another 10 years. He’ll laugh and make me promise not to tell his dad. :)

He’s set in his ways. When he was younger and I would tie his shoes, he insisted that his bunny ears and tails being the exact same lengths. To this day he measures them out. Man, am I happy I no longer tie his shoes! :) He takes longer than I do to get dressed and groomed. :) He VERY picky about his socks as well. I can’t even begin to count how many packages of socks I’ve bought him and he didn’t like. We literally have ran all around town looking for the perfect socks for him. The last time I bought him some I actually bought women’s socks and HE LIKED THEM!!!

This morning he headed off to his last summer Cross Country Camp. Along with him he took Elijah, for his first Cross Country Camp. The high school cross country team sponsors it for the new and upcoming runners. As much as an older brother can not stand a younger brother “copying” him at times, I think Andrew left with some pride that Elijah wanted to “be like him”…a runner. I find Andrew noticing that Elijah looks up to him so much more lately.

During LaCrosse season, Elijah got a team t-shirt. He wanted Andrew’s name and number put on the back, BEFORE he would even wear it. Andrew had a little smile when Elijah asked him if he could get his number put on his shirt. Andrew asked me why Elijah would want that. My reply…”Because he looks up to you. He’s proud to have you ashis brother.” The message, after all these years is starting to sink in.

PooWee…WOW does he adore Andrew. Andrew…OH YEAH, he adores PooWee. They have their special moments. Andrew has the “tickle hands”, he just has to show them and PooWee knows it’s coming. Night nights is a the traditional hug and kiss along with some tickles in the neck. PooWee runns up to Andrew for his night night kissies and tickles. Andrew has also learnt that PooWee makes you feel guilty for leaving without him. Andrew has often opened the door again for another bye-bye hug. If only I could get him to change just ONE diaper! :)

   This is my Andrew! He rocks my world. He rocks many worlds!  

 

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Monday Morning Thoughts

June 2, 2008 · Filed under Andrew, Chad, Elijah, PooWee, adoption, life, work

This weekend I was once again targeted by someone needing to remind me that J & P have adopted twin boys. There was an email sent out by C inviting people to a “Finalization” party this past Thurs. Someone decided to place a copy of this email in my mailbox and highlight a few sentences. Those highlighted were meant to hurt me….I guess!

- It is to celebrate the finalization of the adoption of the most beautiful boys…

-Its been a long hard journey…

MOVE ON PEOPLE!!!!

If I were given the chance to reply to this particular person I would probable inform them that I already knew about this party. I may live in a city with about 40,000 people, but it’s still a small world. J & P and I know many of the same people. I could get sarcastic and tell them some of the things I have heard about this party.

1- “We are so sick of hearing about the adoption. It’s crazy! First there was a Welcome Home Party then there was the Adoption Party then the boys turned 2 years old and now a FINALIZATION party.”

2-”I’m not going….I bought them enough stuff.”

I believe C is organizing all these things. People are starting to feel that she is going overboard. Knowing J, my gut reaction would be that J would feel the same. She often talked to me about C making issues much bigger than they are. I’m sure C is just so happy and excited for J & P, but it’s starting to get a negative response from others.

I didn’t have any emotional issues this time. I simple took the email and made a copy, put a sticky note on it that said, “FYI Found in my mailbox this weekend.” and put the copy in my director’s mailbox. Haven’t heard from my director yet.

The person who put this in my mailbox could be anyone. I guess C had copies all over the unit this past Mon. Our shift leader took them all down saying they will only bring trouble. Well, I guess she was right. Someone took it upon themselves to share with me.

What I don’t understand is why this person feels I need to know this stuff. Does she/he think it will tear me apart? Do they just like shoving the adoption in my face? Are they doing it to make me react? Why would they do this? I really don’t understand. J & P have obviously gone on with their lives, why can’t this person. J & P are happy, I am happy, why isn’t this person happy unless they involve me in things I don’t need to be involved in?

Moving on…..

Karen (VI teacher) emailed me Fri. Got more to add to that WONDERFUL IEP! Here. Eli will be transported to and from school. The bus will pick him up right at our front door. Yes-you heard me I don’t have to take him or pick him up from school anymore. This means, I don’t have to wake PooWee up, I don’t have to get dress, and best of all, I don’t have to go out in below zero weather! I’m feeling guilty, I am fully capable of transporting him. But, K told me to think of it as a form of independence for Eli.

PooWee has an ear appt today. It’s his check up from the tube placement. Since the tubes he has had an ear infection. Actually ended us up in the Emergency room one late Friday night with a 14.7 fever that wasn’t going down. So, I still worry about more ear infections.

Andrew’s Lacrosse team has their last game in the semifinals tonight. If they win they will be off to state. It looks like rain out there, I hope it doesn’t. This will be the last game I will be able to make. The state championships are on the weekend. His team is currently rated 3rd in the state. They team has actually only been around for four years too. They have come along way.

Chad has given one of his jobs his two week notice. He’s going to take a short break from working so much, but will be trying to find another one. He really couldn’t stand the job he quite, so he’shappy to be leaving. He’s still goneall the time. Either working, school or by Ella. Truthfully, I kinda miss him. I usually know he was home to shower because of his clothes on the bathroom floor.

He called one night to see if I had any formula they could use for Ella. Here they ran out, it was late and no one really felt like running all the way to the store. I unfortunately did not, but I did offer some frozen breastmilk. He declined and ran off to the store.

I finally got a new camera! LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!! Got a 12X zoom, and sound on the video! (My last camera didn’t have sound and that bummed me out.) I’ve been taking pictures like crazy. Guess maybe I’m making up for the four months that I was camera-less.

I’ve got a 10 minute video of PooWee playing in his sandbox. He loves watching it. He eventually wonders out of the sandbox and attempts to walk towards the road. I even got him throwing his fit, because I won’t allow him to go. He gets a real confusing look on his face when he watches himself cry and throw himself to the ground.

I wish I could share some of my pictures with you, however…my computer is still not fixed. We are using Andrew’s and he’s pretty stubborn when it comes to downloading onto his computer. I’m begging him everyday though. PPPLLLLEEEEEAAAAASSSSSEEEEE Andrew!

 

 

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