I forgot to mention that Eli has made his first blog entry. FINALLY!
Stop by and say, “Hi” he’ll be super excited to get some comments!
Thanx!
Archive for January, 2008
4 + 1 = 5
It’s official we are adding another member to our household! Yes, call me crazy, but I have to give it a try.
Chad will be moving in.
In the beginning of the school year Chad moved down to N. Carolina with his parents. He didn’t like it there and then there was the fact that April was pregnant. His parents agreed to let him come back up and live with his brother. Well, things aren’t all too great there, basically it’s the brothers girlfriend. Chad’s mother came back up to take him back down to N. Carolina. However, Chad’s counsellor did suggest he stay up here if he had a better place to stay. His reasons were legit for Chad’s mother. Chad’s school last semester got really screwed up with being up here, then moving south, then coming back. And then there is the fact that Chad’s daughter will be born in a few months.
His mother and I talked for quite awhile on Tuesday. Everything is worked out. Andrew is leaving for Spain tomorrow, so I guess Chad will be hanging out at another friends house until Andrew comes home. He’ll feel a bit ackward with Andrew not being here, right off the bat. Which is understandable. I sent Andrew to school today with a house key for Chad. I told him to tell him, he is more than welcome to come over during the time Andrew is gone. I reminded him that I will be gone to work from 6am to about 8pm over the weekend, so he might enjoy the house to himself.
Both Chad’s mother and I expressed to the boys how they will also need to separate from each other once in awhile. Oh, they will probably fight like brothers now and then. Eli said it’s gonna be like he has another brother. I reminded him TO BE NICE TO CHAD!!
I really want Chad to feel at home. One concern is he doesn’t have a bed. His mom is going to get him an air mattress for now. Andrew has been wanting a futon, so we are looking into them. My thought is IF we get the moola from the government, I’ll get a bunk bed with a futon on the bottom. Andrew said that would be cool.
Chad has to improve his grades by the next progress report (’bout mid March) or he’s going back down to N. Carolina. So, that’s my goal, remind him about his homework. I’m kinda excited, I do really like him.
It’s funny because a while ago I was talking to my mom. I started telling her how worried I was about him. I told her I knew what she was going to say to me, “Don’t you think you have enough to worry about than to worry about him too!” She chuckled, and you could tell she was worried about him too. She really likes him as well. He actually calls her Grandma too, actually all of Andrew’s friends do. And when I told her that he was moving in, she didn’t seem upset at me. I somewhat expected her to tell me it wasn’t a good idea. I guess she feels like I do, atleast I can try, if it doesn’t work out….I tried.
Andrew wrote up a list of rules for Chad. Some are quite funny. Keep in mind as you read, these are teenage boys! 
1-NO keeping me up at night
2-No messing with my stuff
3-No leaving without telling me or Mom
4-Must listen to EVERYTHING Mom says -(I think Andrew needs to practice this one!)
5-No girlfriends over
6-Suicide is NOT an option (I don’t think living at my home will be THAT BAD!)
7-No pleasing yourself in the house. GO TO YOUR CAR!!
8-If previous rule is broken, computer security will be enabled
9-Respect my room, our closets are smaller than J***’s (Chad basically had a pantry for a room at his brothers.)
10-No phone sex too! No one wants to hear it!
11-Must have equal rights to video games, TV etc.
12-Must do homework, no tricks, we’ll be watching you!
13-No sneaking out! Privileges will be taken away, such as a bed and warm blankies.
14-No b*tching ALL DAY!
15-You shower first, must be done by 6:50.
16-Must give me rides to school.
17-April is my friend, treat her good! -Inspired by April
18-No skipping school or getting ticked off and leaving.
19-Breaking of rules will invoke consequences
20-More rules may be added when needed
We all had a pretty good laugh. Some are quite appropriate though, makes me wonder why Andrew doesn’t always follow them!
Well, I’m off to the grocery store! WOW TWO TEENAGERS TO FEED NOW! Wonder if I have enough cupboard space!
On My Mind..
I never can seem to post on just one thing. Again today, I basically have a bunch of ranting to do. So, stick with me as I run through all that is going through my head.
-My blog stats are going crazy! Why? If you ask me, this blog is the world to me, but I can’t figure out how others find it interesting. Well, someone linked to My Days Without PooWeepost. Then another linked to it on her Mysp*ce account.
I ended up going back and reading the post again myself. Once again I hit a low, I cried, I was happy I had PooWee and then I also had anger.
In my head I kept thinking of so many moments that tear my heart apart. One moment was when Eli and I returned after yet another walk around the hospital to get away from all the visitors. As I opened the door to my room I was hoping nobody would be there. I was wrong! Lets see…there’s J & P, both of their mothers, there is J’s brother, his wife and two kids, and then there’s J’s sister and her son. So that’s 10 people, all here for J & P.
Eli was driving me nuts. He kept whining that he wanted to hold PooWee. I didn’t have the courage to speak up and get PooWee for him. I too wanted to hold PooWee, but of course said nothing. Finally, J got PooWee for Eli, I think she just wanted him to be quiet.
Eli and I were sitting on my bed. Eli was touching Poowee’s cheek. I had my arm around Eli and we just stared a our lil baby in ah. Eli began asking who he looked like. I so thought he looked like Eli. Eli liked that idea. I wish I had a picture of this moment. I think it would be beautiful.
Then there were arms pulling PooWee away. They were J’s, she said it was her niece’s turn to hold my son. I doubt Eli even had PooWee for 3 minutes. J’s neice had PooWee about 4 times already. J was jealous, she didn’t like us referring to PooWee as part of our family. She didn’t like us interacting with him and took him away from us. I can’t stand her for this. But I also need to blame myself. For it was ME that couldn’t speak my words.
Why was my voice so weak! Why didn’t I say, “NO! In-fact, EVERYONE LEAVE! Just leave and let us be!” That’s what I was thinking, but the words never came out! This happened to me SO MANY times! I never spoke what I was thinking.
I know I can’t dwell on the past, the past comes back to haunt me though. I want so much to now have a voice. A strong voice, that may help other mothers, or maybe even PAPs. I’ve come to realize that though I choose not to sign TPR, adoption HAS become apart of my life. I can’t change that. I hope to atleast make adoption better for others.
I know…no matter what, there is pain in adoption. But, if I can put warning signs out there for others, maybe I can help them make the best choices. LIKE NO PRE-MATCHING, or NO PAPs AT THE HOSPITAL. Take my pain and shield themselves from it. It’s hope, it’s my hope!
-On the brighter side, Eli is doing better. He is using his visual aids.
Actually, when his VI teacher walked in his classroom the other day, he was on his CCTV and she was super excited. They talked and he told her about his email pals, who are visually impaired (VI) as well. He is really excited about them. His teacher is setting up a bowling/pizza party for the VI kids in our area. She said there are two boys that she can’t wait to introduce to Eli.
I think this is so good for him. He will be will other kids like him and hopefully this will encourage him to stay strong.
His doctor appointment went real well. He actually broke down and cried. I realized he never really cried about his disease. Dr. W was AWESOME with him. He got down in front of him and spoke to him at his level. He reassure Eli he would never be completely blind. He told him he would retain some vision. Eli will see “fuzzy” in his central line of vision. Dr. W told Eli is vision will not deteriorate fast, but so slow that throughout life he really wouldn’t notice. He encouraged him to use his aids and expressed how important they were for him. Eli needed to hear all this from Dr. W.
Dr. W wsn’t concerned with the floaters. Eli’s retina is not detaching anywhere and everything else looked fine. He explained that Eli’s eyes could be stressed and the brain reacts this way.
We will be heading back down to the UW hospital at some point, for more testing. Basically, Dr. W would like to do two more tests that will give us a more specific diagnosis. However, we will hold off until Eli is comfortable.
I will also have to take PooWee in for an exam to see if he is carrying this as well. We are going to wait until he is about 2 or even 3 years old. If PooWee has it, it means it’s in my family. We currently don’t have anybody with visual difficulties like Eli, so we just figured it came from his dad’s side.
Hopefully, Eli and I get to his blog this week. So far he had picked out his theme. He went with one that has a black background. He actually sees words better when they are white and the background is black. It’s hard on my eyes, but it’s not my blog!
-Andrew is headed to Spain on Fri. Lucky kid!!! His father, Mike, is getting married. She’s a sweet thing! She’s from Spain and wants to get married in her mother’s home town. Mike is so funny…I mentioned to him, on having more kids. (he only has Andrew.) He said OH NO!!! I reminded him how much his fiance LOVES kids. Then he replies, “Well, it better happen in the next two years then!” Mike and his lady have just bought a house and Mike is “allowing” his fiance ONE room for a kid!
I’m happy for him. He’s a good guy and I only want to see him happy as well. His fiance is very nice and excepts Andrew. She is even fine with Mike and mine relationship. We have a son together, we will be communicating and she realizes this.
-OH ALMOST FORGOT!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY G-MA MARCY!!!!
Today is my mom’s birthday! She’s 73 years young! We will probably do supper tonight. HHMMM-where should we take her? Eli will want to go someplace that will sing to her and embarrass the bageebeez out of her. We’ll see what we all decide on!
-Monday! Monday is cleaning day,and I must get to it! There’s dishes and laundry and not to mention all the toys that have spread through out the apartment. I loathe cleaning! I’l find anything to stay away from it……like babbling on in my posts!
OK-off to clean!
-WAIT! One more thing…hop over to Judy and send her your words of encouragement as she goes through chemo. She has breast cancer. Her posts show her strength with this battle and I’m sure hearing encouraging words from others will only make her stronger! Thoughts and prayers go out to her from me!
Another Mother Changes Her Mind
Today another mother has changed her mind on her original adoption plan. Tomorrow morning, her daughter will be home with her.
Yes, I feel sorrow for the couple that were going to parent this child. But we all know, if at all possible, a child belongs with their family. Waiting for a child has got to be the hardest situation. Then to be in a place where that child is so close to being yours has to be heart warming. And of course the worse thing would be, to have the child taken from you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry this has to happen.
This mother, like me felt such love and closeness to her daughter upon birth. The moment she left her daughter she missed her so badly. She felt alone, empty and longed to have her daughter back.
This morning she phoned the agency and told them of her wishes. She will have her daughter tomorrow! Today her mother and her are going SHOPPING!
I can’t help it, my heart is filled with do much joy for her! I PMd here and invited her to my blog. I gave her a quick run down of my emotional roller-coaster. I hope she doesn’t go through some of the pain I did, but she does, she’ll have a place to go, to know she’s not alone.
There’s another mother out there questioning her adoption. She gave birth on Sun. Signed TPR IN THE HOSPITAL (GRRRRR!) and has 5 days to revoke her decision. All replies to her told her to REVOKE! REVOKE until she knows for sure what she wants to do!
I will keep my thoughts on her. I will pray she finds the right answer for herself and her son.
Another random thought post
I took Coco’s advice and have started a blog for April’s shower.
April’s friend’s mother is hosting a shower for her, but I thought I’d still have one for her too. There are so many of you that want to help and well, obviously, you won’t be traveling up to Wisconsin for a shower.
Currently, she is doing well. Her belly is starting show, cute lil thing too!
Her parent’s are divorced (which I didn’t realize), she will be living with her father. I ran into them at the store the other day. We talked for a few minutes. He appears to be somewhat nervous of the whole situation, which is understandable. I’m sure he isn’t sure how to go about everything. I told them I was there for anything they needed, just to let me know how I can help. I find him to be maybe even scared. Here too, I can completely understand. I’m sure he is just overwhelmed on what all to get, how to help his daughter, and with just all the normal baby stuff. I invited them to stop over at my place sometime so we could talk again.
I want to ask her Mag’s reaction when she told her she was going to parent. I am so curious to know. Has Mag offered her assistance in finding resources for her? Or has she just left April on her own. I would hope that Mag would help too.
I’ve been wondering why Mag hasn’t contacted me in some time. Normally, she just calls to see how we are. It’s been a few months since I last talked with her. I have a hunch she has written me off because of April’s decision to parent, there for blaming me for losing business. I pray that isn’t the case. Maybe I’ll even get the guts up to call Mag to see how she is doing.
I wish my camera wasn’t broke, I’d love to post a picture of the pretty pink cabled sweater I am knitting for April’s daughter. I’m just so excited to be knitting in PINK! It’s darling!
Speaking of pics, some may have noticed I have taken the pics of the boys off. Remember way back when I had someone close to me mess with me on a forum. (I could link to it, but am just too lazy at the moment.) Well, this person is linking to my photos and all too now. I don’t want to go into details, but I so realize why many choose not to post pics and all. I loved showing off my beautiful boys, but I won’t be doing that anymore. I’ll probably make password posts for those times I can’t resist the urge to show them off.
Well, time is going away on me, I must get my dishes done before getting the boys from school. Then tonight Elijah and I will be starting a blog for him. He has started emailing other visually impaired kids and I think a blog will be a nice way for him to stay in touch with them. And he should have fun with it too! Gee, do you think I can handle 3 blogs?
IEP Meeting
I had an Individualized Education Program (IEP) meeting today with Elijah’s Visually Impaired (VI) teacher, classroom teacher and principal this morning.
All went well. I was incorrect in saying that the VI teacher was suppose to see him weekly. I guess the plan was weekly for one month then once a month. She ended up seeing him weekly for 2 1/2 months and then went to weekly. However, missed a few visits due to illness and a conference.
The mobility specialist hasn’t seen him for a few months due to surgery, but is coming back tomorrow.
Still, all agreed that Eli has missed enough visits. The VI teacher suggested that she come twice a month for now on.
There were many concerns brought up and not just by myself. Principal B is concerned of possible depression. Makes me wonder as well.
Eli is beginning to see what they call “floaters”. These are best described as little spots in the visual field. Maybe like a dust bunny floating in the air. He refuses to talk about them and gets mad if I mention them. I found out last week. I had noticed him looking off into the distance like and swaying his head back and forth. He says, he has the big spots eat the little spots, like a video game. But, when I want to discuss it he gets angry, he denies it with G-ma or anyone else. We feel that maybe he thinks if he doesn’t “admit” to it, his vision won’t change. I made an eye appointment for him on the 22nd. I pray things have not gotten worse. The doctor didn’t anticipate his vision deteriorating anymore.
Eli has also started refusing to use his visual aids at school He doesn’t use his CCTV, magnifiers, nor his monocular. He’ll tell his teacher, Ms. S that he is fine. Then a while later she notices he will have his eyes closed and he states that his eyes are sore and he is just resting them. Ms S said he still stays focused on listening though. She has noticed he has really learned to use his ears. (Can I have some of that at home?)
Ms S and I discussed him not working up to his potential. I have really started noticing this too. His spelling, for one is driving me bazurk! He is spelling, I hate to say this, but his spelling has gotten HORRIBLE! He is misspelling words I taught him in 1 st grade! (Now in 3rd) He is rushing through his work. He tends to take longer, because of needing to look closer and longer at things. Well, I think he rushes to keep up with his peers. He wants to finish when they do. This of course has him making many mistakes. He admits to being in a hurry. He told me he wants to get it all done at school so he doesn’t have to bring it home.
We discussed how all of us need to get him to except his diagnosis. He needs to understand how his life will never be like his peers. He is disabled, and needs to learn how to take his disability and live his life.
I almost broke down and cried. I feel so bad for him. I want so much to give him my eyes. I want him to see the world as his peers do. I thought he was so strong and brave through all this. Perhaps, he was strong and brave for me. Perhaps he has hidden his fears and sorrow to reassure me that he was fine.
Just for Laughs :)
Some poor person typed in Roni’s Paradise into their search engine and ended up HERE!!!
I know I really love my blog and all you. But honestly, not sure I’d call it PARADISE!
Baby Shower Anyone??
Once again the beauty of extended friends whom, I’ve never met and may never meet have shown through. So many of you have offered to help April.
Libby commented on having her register. Which gave me a thought. (Scary, I know!) If April agrees I thought about holding a Baby Shower for her here on the blog. Could be kinda fun! Maybe I could even have a contest on guessing the baby’s weight. Prize awarded of course!
I may just have to talk her into a belly photo!
Monday Morning Ranting
I’ve grown balls! I just left a message with Elijah’s school principal to call me. I am going to request an IEP meeting. (Individualized Education Program) Elijah is in IEP because he meets special educational needs with his vision.
I pulled out my papers this weekend and the school is NOT fulfilling all they said they would.
Here’s what I THINK is going on. The school district IS NOT agreeing to a contract. I’m starting to think Elijah’s VI teacher is involved with this. However, I’m not going to let Eli’s educational needs be affected ANYMORE.
According to my papers, he should have an enlargement program set up in the computer lab for him. NOPE-he struggles with sitting on his knees and has his face to the screen. Elijah is the first visually impaired student his teacher has ever had and it’s very apparent. I think his teacher needs to review his documents and start working on a few things as well. She shouldn’t be using the chalkboard, but instead a white board (dry erase) with dark colored markers for high contrast for Eli to see. This will not affect the other children’s learning either. Does it matter if they see something on a chalkboard instead of a white board? When she is using the overhead. Eli should be given his own copy of what she is discussing. This doesn’t happen, instead he can’t see what’s being discussed and he just listens. His work is not being enlarged all the time. He’ll bring homework home and I rewrite it in permanent marker and larger for him. This can be very time consuming and frustrating at times. Ever re-write 100 math problems including 10 story problems? IT SUCKED! When all they had to do was stick it in the copier and enlarge the font!
I sent an email to his VI teacher on 10-10 asking for an update on Eli. I’ve gotten no response. She did email me with a yahoo group that a parent set up for Wisconsin parents of visually impaired children. Which I’m loving and they have been the ones that have given me the courage to do some “barking”.
I also got information on a braille class I can take for FREE through the Hadley School For the Blind. I am thinking about teaching Eli Braille. He doesn’t necessarily NEED it, but I think it will benefit his self esteem. He struggles with reading at a fluent pace. He has to focus so much on each individual letter that it affects his speed. He will probably never read as fast as his peers. Kids are already picking on him about it in 3rd grade, think of what high school will be like for him. So, if he can learn Braille and read faster, he wouldn’t be so hard on himself. Currently, he says. “I suck at reading!” He AWESOME at reading, he’s just not fluent.
I believe it will be up to me to teach him the Braille because his IEP papers say he doesn’t NEED Braille at this time. His VI teacher said he may in the future, but currently he is able to see words. Eli is interested in learning it to, so why not. I’m kinda freaked though, what if I don’t understand it? Guess all I can do is give it a try.
I’m also looking at having some type of fund raiser for Eli’s CCTV for at home. The Lions group still has yet to get back to me on assisted funds. I’m told I have to “keep on them”, I’m just so sick of phone calls and all. I figure I might as well just do it myself. It’s been almost 1 year already! So, I’m thinking about getting my butt a knitting, and knitting and trying to sell some stuff. It will take awhile, but that’s all I can think of. I’d rather spend my time knitting then talking on the phone having another “useless” conversation on Elijah’s visual needs. I should just record myself discussion his needs. his diagnosis, what equipment we’re looking at, etc.
Alright, enough venting Now, Ms B call me back, I’m ready to ”bark”, nicely of course.
Update on Eli
I’ve been emailed a few times now how Eli’s “hip ” pain is doing.
Well, pain is gone. YEA!!!!! No more crutches!
When we returned to Dr. B, she did a urinalysis and blood work. (The Ortho doctor was thinking his pain was coming from the kidneys.) Dr. B also did a spinal X-ray, which she didn’t see anything wrong in, however he was full of alot of poop. (Of course, I’ve had lots of fun with him on this one!) She had him take MiraLax every day and then return in 1 week.
Our follow up was Dec. 27th. His pain had then been gone for about 3 days. Well, after the Radiologist read his spinal X-ray, he stated Eli may have Spondylothesis on L5. Which from what I understand is kinda like a disk shifting. The Radiologist stated the disk may be towards the right, which would tell us why Eli stated he had “right hip pain”. One way of treatment is to rest the back, which he basically did for 3 weeks while on crutches and no gym or gymnastics.
Seeing his pain is gone, Dr. B decided to keep him on the MiraLax daily for 2 weeks then every other day for 1 week. If he gets anymore pain we are to call. Then she will have us go to a Pediatric Spine doc.
And there we have it! Although, I may just call Dr. B because nothing has ever been said about the little bumps she felt on his hips.
I pray nothing more will come of this. Eli is super happy to be pain free.
