Andrew called me tonight from his father’s he asked me if he could talk to me about something and NOT tell anyone. Of course I said yes. He goes on to ask me if I knew who April (name changed) was. I replied, “yes….she’s pregnant, isn’t she.” I hit it on the head. The father one of Andrew’s best friends, Chad (name changed).
April is 5 months along. She’s 15 years old and Chad is 16. Chad will end up getting charged by the state. Andrew said April was told it would be a misdemeanor charge.
April is currently talking with Mag (my adoption counsellor). She asked Andrew if I would talk with her and Mag. Of course I will. He went on to say that she is kinda thinking about parenting, and that her mother is somewhat thinking about raising the child.
I told Andrew she needs to look VERY CLOSELY at ALL her options. Get on the computer and talk with mothers who chose adoption for their child/ren, talk with adoptees, and to look into her options of parenting. What resources are their for her.
Andrew stated he’s worried because she’s very smart and doesn’t want her to throw her education away. I did point out that having a child won’t throw her education away. She CAN still goto college, just differently. She won’t be at the college parties, or football games, she’ll be home with her child, nor will she be living in the dorms. Her life WILL change NO MATTER WHAT CHOICE SHE MAKES.
Andrew also said that Chad is being a real jerk. I expressed to him that this was probably the way Chad was dealing with the issue at hand. Andrew is going to talk to his father to see if Chad can talk with him. I am also open to talking with Chad.
I was 16 and Andrew’s father was 18 when I was pregnant with him. We were in their shoes and I believe we can be there for them. And as you all know I was also affected with adoption in my life with PooWee.
They are just kids, and adoption may be the best situation for them. However, I do feel they need to look at parenting too. I STRONGLY feel they MUST finish school and continue on as planned with college, and if they feel they can and parent.. MORE POWER TO THEM.
I honestly would open my home to both of them. If they chose parenting and had no place to go. Andrew and Chad could share a room and April and I could with the babies. Or Eli could toss his bed in my room and April could have his.
I know I sound like I want them to parent. Maybe it’s because I know the pain. I know I need to focus on whats best for them. I will not tell her I want her to parent, I will only support her in what ever she chooses.
I stressed to Andrew to make she she knows THIS WAS HER CHILD!! I asked him if he remembered how I NEVER called Jorryn mine while I was pregnant. He did. I said that was wrong. I told him of the papers I had signed that stated me as a birthmother while I was still pregnant. I told him how they were wrong. He stated that that’s what the adoption agency did to make sure I didn’t connect and would give my baby to J & P. I then asked him who the “client” of an adoption agency was. He understood exactly where I was going.
Yes, I am aware that adoption may be of the best interest for April, Chad and the child. I just really want to make sure they know EXACTLY what it all entitles.
Can I get everyones help here? Parents that have adopted, mothers that aren’t parenting and adoptees, what would you like to say to April and Chad? Help me help these two, please. I think I will have Andrew give April and Chad my blog address so they can see your words, so PLEASE be kind! HELP, give these two the strength they need for one of the most important decisions of their lives.
This is so very weird to me. Today I was at work thinking how 1 year ago PooWee was at J & Ps home. I wasn’t super sad, nor has my emotions gone haywire this past week as I had expected them too. I’ve actually been very well. Tonight, tonight I’m crying, not for myself, but for April and Chad. I had planned to go to bed by 9ish and it’s 10:30 already. I won’t be able to sleep. What I want to do is hug them both, and tell them that everything will be OK. I also want to squeeze my Andrew and let him know how proud I am of him, HE’S AND AWESOME FRIEND!! April and Chad are very luck to have him as one, for he is VERY concerned for both them and their baby. MY SON ROCKS!!!
Coco said,
December 17, 2007 @ 1:15 pm
I want to respond to this, but I need to think about things and organize my thoughts more.
I’ll be linking back here when I’m a little more composed.
Another Way to Make a Difference « Mommyhood and Life According to Coco said,
December 17, 2007 @ 1:21 pm
[...] read this post. And comment. Please be respectful and [...]
roni said,
December 17, 2007 @ 2:21 pm
Thanx Coco! Looking forward to the help. I appreciate it!
Amy said,
December 18, 2007 @ 12:17 am
Hi roni – this is the first time that I have posted – although I have been reading for a few months now. My sister was 15 (and bf was 22) when she got pregnant with her first child. She kept the baby (it was the only option she considered). She had a lot of support from my parents, and her bf’s parents. I think with the positive support recieved she was able to parent her child successfully. However, I am also a foster parent and have seen many teen/young moms who have lost thier children to the system who I beleive would have been able to parent these children providing that (+) support was given. I have also adopted 3 (hopfully 4) children and I see the pain in my son’s birthmom as she had really wanted to raise thier kids. I don’t like to see any mother be seperated from her child (views have changed since adopting) before ALL avenues have been explored. Maybe all it’ll take is for someone to step up and say “YOU CAN DO IT”. Your circumstances WILL change, you won’t be 15 forever, you’ll grow up, become more mature (like my sister did). I’m sure many people NOT affected by adoption will be quick to say to her to just place the child, “get on with her life”. But that will never happen.
I dunno – just my thoughts.
roni said,
December 18, 2007 @ 1:40 pm
Amy – I agree with you, it is VERY possible for teens to parent. I was a wild, 16yr old and Andrew made me GROW-UP! I too only considered parenting at that time.
I already have been told, “She’s 15, she has NO business being a mother!”
It’s too late, she’s already a mother and with support and encouragement, she CAN parent. My Andrew and many other children ARE living proof of that.
I know I need to focus on HELPING her with her decision vs swaying her one way or the other. So, I’m trying to provide her with the negative and positves on adoption AND parenting.
Thanks for your thoughts. I’m sure April will appreciate them as well, as I will share them with her.
Dear April « Mommyhood and Life According to Coco said,
December 18, 2007 @ 3:39 pm
[...] Posted on December 18, 2007 by Coco <blockquote> Roni asked for some perspectives for a young expectant mom who is trying to figure out what she will choose for herself and her unborn child. This is my [...]
Samantha said,
December 18, 2007 @ 8:40 pm
are you wanting to give the baby up we are a military family wanting a baby so badly. i love children and would love to be a mother again we have tried for 12 years to have another one but i cant carry one. i would be willing to talk with you.
Samantha
For April « Paragraphein said,
December 18, 2007 @ 11:22 pm
[...] 19, 2007 For April Posted by paragraphein under Adoption Roni asked for some perspectives for a young expectant mom facing some difficult decisions. Coco already offered a letter. This is [...]
paragraphein said,
December 18, 2007 @ 11:25 pm
Okay I followed Coco’s lead and wrote a letter to her on my blog.
Thank you for helping this young mom. Thank you.
http://paragraphein.wordpress.com/2007/12/19/for-april/
roni said,
December 19, 2007 @ 8:25 am
Samantha-I don’t think you read this post all too well.
I do not have a baby. I am asking HELP for 2 teenagers who are facing an crisis pregnancy.
April IS NOT 100% that adoption is right for her. She IS thinking about parenting.
My intent on this post was to get help from others to help her with her choices. If you have advice for her, please give it to her. BUT PLEASE don’t ask for her baby and tell her how much pain you are in. I am sorry you are unable to conceive, I can’t imagine how hard that is. However, I don’t find it appropriate to share this pain with an expectant mother as she is trying to make the best decision for her child.
mizcaro said,
December 19, 2007 @ 1:29 pm
hello roni, i don’t have any personal advice to give, but i always thought that when i was garbage by the late allison crews is a piece of writing that any pregnant teen should read. maybe you can share it with april.
Kippa said,
December 20, 2007 @ 1:12 pm
Right on, Mizcaro. That’s an excellent idea.
I think too a lot will depend on how much friend and family support she can expect.
roni said,
December 24, 2007 @ 10:38 am
mizcaro-
What a GREAT read! Made a copy and will pass it on! I found myself cheering when she told her mom not to call the “lovely couple”.
I appreciate your help on this.
kippa-
When I found out she had the support of her parents I was THRILLED! Many of her friends are supporting her now, though we know how that can drift as they grow. And I will continue to support her. And many of you have shown how supportive you can be miles and miles away! AWESOME!
Thanx both for stopping by!
Claudia Corrigan D'Arcy said,
December 24, 2007 @ 1:35 pm
I wanted to write something really movibng about what it feels like.. then i realized that, oddly enough, it already happened:
So my message to April id here:
.http://bluetoad.com/publisher/louisandco/Adoption_TODAY/issue6/magazine.php?mag=Adoption_TODAY&page=&type=2&logo=0&issueid=2141
it starts on page 24.