Winter Sweater, Santa Hat, and 3 Nice Things

The sweater is DONE! What a feeling!! Two sweaters in one, I thought I was never going to finish it. I LOVE it! It’s so soft and sure will be warm for PooWee. He’ll be toasty in the 10 below zero weather.

     

PooWee wasn’t all too cooperative for pictures. I’m lucky I got the one I did. He was too busy playing with Elijah and I was interrupting his time.

Now, I suppose I should do Coco asked.

Three nice things about me…..

1-I’m a pretty good single momma. I seem to be able to manage everything fairly well. My older boys are respectful to others and are turning out to be very talented young men. I can only hope for the same for PooWee.

2-I love our mother earth. I pick up litter. And yes, I hug trees.

3-I love to give. Especially if it’s something I have made. I have been known to talk money given to me for my birthday or Christmas, and find something for someone else. I love to surprise people with a treat.

There, now I did and now as Coco said it’s your turn!

Life Without my Computer

My wonderful computer decided to go down on Mon. and didn’t come back up until late this afternoon. It seems to go straight into sleep mode and refuses to “wake up”. No matter how many times we turned it on and off. FINALLY this afternoon she came back on.

However, as they say….”Everything happens for a reason”. Because of the sleeping computer I got ALOT of much needed knitting done. PooWee is now flaunting a Santa hat. And his sweater is on it final touches. He’s been wearing the liner for a few weeks now. I’m at sewing the liner and outer piece together. He’s gonna be one toasty lil guy this winter. I’ll try to post some pictures tomorrow.

The weather is getting colder by the minute! YUCK–I CAN NOT STAND WINTER! Yes, if you will be reading my blog this winter, I will be whining! WHINING ALL WINTER!!! I don’t whine during summer, not even about the humidity, but I whine in winter. It snowed on Tues. just a teeny tiny bit, but I wanted to cry! It’s snowing now, and I pray its not much. Oh, why do I have to live where it snows? I don’t want to shovel in the freezing cold. My driveway can take well over an hour. I just wanna cry. I don’t want winter to come!

GUESS WHAT!!! The Poo-miester is walking! We made today is official walking day. He’s took about 3-4 steps this morning and then again later in the afternoon. And of course he had to show his stuff off to his big brothers this evening. Andrew and Elijah were both so excited! Elijah started jumping on the couch with excitement. Andrew showed his excitement by clapping with PooWee and giving him a great big hug. I know PooWee started walking because I got him a walking toy for his birthday! Lil guy had to show me he could do it all by himself.

Went to the good ol dollar store with my mom the other day and got stuff for PooWee’s party. We went with a Sesame Street theme. I gave him a few choices and he liked these the best. I have to write out the invitations and get them out yet though. Man, it’s less than 2 weeks away. Oh, where does the time go!

Speaking of time I probably should get my butt to bed! Tomorrow, I will try to get pictures of PooWee walking with his new sweater and Santa hat on. Maybe I’ll even get a lil video of him. Think I’ll be that lucky? Plus after reading Coco’s post, I feel obligated to post three nice things about myself. (Thanx, Coco!) I’m definitely going to have to sleep on that one!

Pics -n- More

Biggest shopping day of the year! NOT ME!!! I have NO INTENTIONS of stepping into a store. I’m not a shopper what so ever.

Now, internet shopping is different. I have found more excitement in waiting for my packages to come in the mail, then standing in line at the check out. Although, when I ordered PooWee’s “big boy” carseat and highchair they ended up at a lawyers office down town. Both were sent at separate times too. The receptionist did joke that they do have alot of “babies” in their office.

Now, there is the dilemma with what to get PooWee for his birthday. Via the internet you do get alot more options. I can not decide on which walker thing I want. Plus, at the rate he’s going he’ll be walking without one in no time, so should I even bothers?

I’ve decided to continue on with my blog. How could I take it down, it’s been so great for me. Plus, after reading the comments, I guess people DO read it.

Went to my camera this morning to get Thanksgiving pictures to post (for my sister, Gayle and Kelly) and I had wrestling pics that I must show off first. Eli has the green t-shirt on.

 This was his first meet. Check out the beautiful socks! Hand made by G-ma Marcy! And proudly displayed by Eli! Eli lost,  BUT HAD FUN!

 Eli’s second match. He lost. Again, he had fun.

 This was the city tournament. He lost. But, of course he had fun.

 Here, Eli proudly displays his third place ribbon! 

Elijah really enjoys participating in sports. He in it to have fun. His vision is a big downfall for him. You can tell especially in soccer. And guess what his favorite position for soccer is…goalie! Yet, he goes out there and it he gives it his all. Even if it means getting smack in the face with a ball.

And now, for our Thanksgiving day…

 This is how PooWee started his Thanksgiving at G-ma’s.

 Uncle Larry and Elijah waiting patiently for the feast.

 UNCLE STEVIE! Everybody loves Uncle Stevie!!!

 Elijah and Jimmi playing.

 G-ma and PooWee.

 Auntie Nikki attacking Elijah’s toes.

  Bye Uncle Larry!

   Elijah at 7:30 pm. Yes, my Wild and Crazy Maniac was out like a light at 7:30!!! I was SHOCKED!!!

We had a delicious meal. We played Wheel of Fortune and had a few wrestling matches. It was a nice time!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Just wanted to wish you all a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Hope the food is grand and your bellies get stuffed!  MMMM I can smell the pies already!!

Have a GREAT day!

Feeling Betrayed Part 2

I stayed up till 1am looking at all my computer stuff. Rondidondi, my username may not have always been me on 2 forums. I really don’t goto these forums, I looked a few times and that’s about it. I will admit, she did give advice that I would have. They had been in my favorites, but I wasn’t a regular.

I stuck to one main forum and that one this person didn’t mess with Rondidondi instead she created her own. She made a post that would hit my heart. I did respond and then only to find out that she had done this to me. I knew she had been browsing the same places I do. She would often tell me about interesting posts and stuff. I thought I had just kinda educated someone else about adoption issues. Whats one more person knowing how things are. I was taken advantage of.

The thing that bothers me the most is how I am seen now to these administers on the forum. They will be “watching” me and for new accounts from my computer-n-all. It’s hard to tell your story via PMing. I would really like to change my username if they would let me. Maybe I’ll even just drop off of it. She didn’t leave any comments under Rondidondi from what I can tell, but I don’t know if she was browsing under it or not. This is the same forum that J & P are on and it worries me. I am thinking about asking them to delete me all together.

Through our argument she admitted that she wanted to get J & P’s attention. She is furious with them on how I’ve been treated and wanted them to know how I was hurt too. I told her, they know what I’ve been through, they know about everything already, before she even did. My heart feels she meant well, but it’s hard for me not to be mad. We’ve left on descent terms, but once again as in the past I don’t trust her.

Its so hard for me with this person. I’ve been told numerous of times that she is jealous of me. JEALOUS, PLLLLEEEEEASE! It’s like she has this compulsive disorder that she wants to be like me. About 5-7 yrs ago I was dating this guy, who happened to be in a band. She went on their website and wrote comments in their guest book to him using my name. She has been gone for a few years and just came back to town again. I thought I would be safe, as she seemed to have “changed” and I gave her another chance. Oh-I was wrong. She has exaggerates on stories about things we do together. She makes it sound to other people as if we are best friends and we really aren’t.

I am happy to say that my bank account seems fine! I believe she used my email. I ventured through sent items and there are things I never sent out. I have been getting alot more junk mail and now I betcha I know why. I wonder if she’s used Rondidondi on other sites. Grant it, usernames can be used by many different people, but I pray she didn’t put this blog address on if she did.

Enough ranting, time for PooWee’s morning nap. I may just take one with him too.

This blog seems fine. I don’t think she ever did anything here. All the comments left were mine. She said she didn’t because she knew how much I enjoyed it. Yeah, well what about the forum, I enjoyed that. And how about Rondidondi being used. How about how she messed with my personal issues.

She will not be in my home anymore. Which of course means my computer is all mine again. Oh the passwords I need to change. Lesson:don’t leave your password book lay close to your computer. She confessed she saw it when I was paying bills and then took a shower, she wrote them down. I just want to scream B*TCH in her face. I think she has some issues that should be addressed. I plan on taking with her mother.

I may make this blog password secured. I’m just worried about J & P or their friends and family. I just don’t want to encounter anything uncomfortable, harrassing, you know! 

Feeling Betrayed

So, today I found out someone has been playing games with me. This person has been away for sometime and then I allow them in to my world. I can’t say too much, I don’t want to start a rival amongst others. 

They got my passwords for some accounts I have, so I have lots to do. This person has affected my status on a forum and I need to check out a couple others as well. I feel like throwing a brick through a window!

I’m hurt. I’m torn and I don’t want to deal with this all.

I am considering deleting this blog. I haven’t decided on that yet, I enjoy it. I don’t think it has been affected, due to this password not being in my book.

I must go and straighten out what another has messed up! GGRRRRR!!!!

Excepting the past

I feel that I have a conclusion to my adoption story. I feel that I am satisfied as to why things went the way they did.

For me, I believe I had to go through the “loss” of PooWee to really respect mothering him. I find in stressful times, when a parent feels like pulling their hair out, I tend to just hold him and be thankful I have him. I feel my tolerance level is so much higher than it was in the past.

I have the energy to do all that we do and take care of a 16 year old, 9 year old and an 11 month old all on my own. A task I saw impossible one year ago. They all have their necessities and then some, they are fed, sometime all at different times too, and I get quality time with each. I’m actually kinda impressed with myself.

I have three awesome sons, whom I completely adore. They are true brothers. They get along great one minute and the next they are in an argument. Yes, PooWee has even yelled and hit at the older boys. Mainly, because they have taken something away from him.

Andrew and Elijah have been fabulous big brothers. They help me out with PooWee, so I can make supper, take a shower or even run to the store.

Andrew is showing me what a wonderful father he will be someday. He’s been more help then I had ever expected. Many time he has carried PooWee without me asking, or grabbed all the bags from the car so I could carry PooWee.

Elijah enjoys helping with bathtime, getting PooWee dressed and has even changed more diapers than I ever expected.

PooWee’s eye light up at the sight of his brothers. The rock his world. He stands at each of their bedroom doors and just watches them do their “thing” in their rooms. He has shown his disappointment many times when one of them have walked out the door to go someplace without him.

No, PooWee may not have his own room, but he doesn’t seem to mind sharing with me. Elijah can’t wait to share his lower bunk with him. No, his father does not live with us, but he is apart of his life and their own quality time together. Yes, PooWee is alot to care for as any baby, but I’m handling it just fine and I have an awesome support team. No, I don’t have as much money as J & P have. However, I make ends meet. Andrew and Elijah have not shown any dissappointment in the loss of extra stuff, for they have gained a brother. I do receive some daycare assistance, but I know there will be a time I won’t need it anymore. Yes, things can get stressful, but he is always a reminder to cherish every moment because, I ALMOST didn’t have him.

I also look at J & P’s experience. Though it took til now to see why they went through what they did, there were reasons for them to go through it as well. I don’t like the fact that I am the one that gave them the pain, but I really can’t do anything about it, but accept what had to be done.

J and I use to joke that I should carry twins for her. She always wanted twins. LOOK she got her twins. She apparently is very happy. She will make a good mother to her boys, and P a good father.

J had told me she wouldn’t go through an open adoption with anyone except me. (As I said many times before, I feel she would have closed it though.) Well, she’s got her closed adoption. I hope she will teach the boys of their heritage and speak respectful words of their other mother though.

She also said she wanted a newborn baby. Well, she had one for two weeks, I gave her the closest experience she could ever have to pregnancy and birth without being pregnant herself. I wish I could just do all over, and live my pregnancy and delivery the way I would have, but I can’t dwell on the past.

Maybe they had to go through  the turmoil of a failed newborn domestic adoption to get the twins that needed them more than PooWee did. Maybe they too, have more tolerance, for raising twins has got to be alot harder. Perhaps they had to undergo their pain to appreciate the gift of a family as well. These boys needed J & P to be their parents. The twins were in the orphanage waiting for J & P while I was pregnant. If I had gone through with the adoption, would they still be waiting for parents?

I don’t have all the answers I only have my own thoughts. I feel comfortable with my reasoning now though. In life we all suffer pain at one time or another. We can either except the pain or fight it. I’m beginning to except my pain. I’m beginning to understand why J & P had to go through their pain. I believe it’s become easier now that J & P have their children.  Now, that they have their dream, maybe I don’t feel as guilty for taking that dream away.

Someday, I do wish we could all just set our anger to the side and move on. Anger is a strong emotion that I do not like carrying with me. I find my anger is getting lighter as time goes on. I’m learning from what went wrong, I’ve made mistakes and so have they. 

I’ve learnt that my adoption experience has affected my life. It’s made me appreciate my boys more than ever. It’s made me drive to make adoption better for the future. so, if there’s ever anything I can do or should be doing, please allow me to help.

Quick Update

The present got off safe and sound.

B came into work around 2ish to cover for C for awhile. Here, J was having a baby shower! I told B about my present in the breakroom and she told C not to forget the present. C asked who it was from and B “played dumb” for me.

B asked me what I got her and I told her about it. She said I was going to make her cry. She couldn’t believe I bought her something after everything they’ve have put me through since bring PooWee home. I told her I was happy for them, and I saw the picture frame and just bought it. It really wasn’t much. Yeah, I still have “issues” with them, but sometimes we do need to put them aside.

Wonder if J knows it was me? Or who she thinks it may be from. I’ll be interested in hearing the rumors when I get back to work next weekend.

The thing I find the funniest is the person that hates me the most, and talks the nastiest behind my back, C, took it to the baby shower for me!

J’s Present Is Waiting To Be Found

Well, I braved all today and took J’s present to work. Didn’t make it there during the week. I even walked through the unit with it, though I had it covered with my jacket. I went to the breakroom and set it behind some stuff that was on a little sofa. I don’t think anyone saw me with it.

  I taped the two books I got the boys on top of the picture frame. Then I very carefully made it look like the corner of one book tore the label that said who it was from. Actually, I even wrote my name and then tore it off. I tried my best to “discize” my handwriting.

I’m like really worked up about all this. I’m so nervous they’ll know it’s from me. Why, should I be though? Shouldn’t I just be able to let her know it’s from me and if she refuses it, then she refuses it.

So, far it hasn’t even been noticed. Wonder how long it will be before some notices it and gets it to her. Kinda hope this weekend, just because C is working (YUCK!). This way C can take it to her.

My mom  stopped in to visit me at work today and I showed her. She just snickered and said my tearing job was nice. Sometimes I just don’t get her!

I suppose, I must head to bed 5:30 am isn’t staying away. And I need my sleep-WE ARE BUSY!!!

Oh-before I go to bed, I have to show this silly pic of PooWee in “his” blanket pile.

 My lil Chubikins!

Destructo-Boy

        PooWee has managed to get into major trouble this week. I could barely go to the bathroom without him finding something to get into.

           

I had cleaned out my lower cupboards of anything dangerous to him. One cupboard contains pots and pans, which he pulls out and bangs on. The lids have been used to glide across the floor. Under my sink their are some buckets and a bag of empty soda cans. Yeah- the soda cans have been dumped out and are really cool to toss at the kitties. My other cupboard holds odds and ends. Rocks in a container for an old fish tank we use to have, cat food in a big plastic container, pie tins, and PooWee’s new favorite toy a plastic underwater themed fish tank. First he started out pushing this all over the place. Now he enjoys putting anything and everything into it. I have found toys in it, a sock, a book, and even my tennis shoe.

 Where he found these bead things I HAVE NO CLUE! I didn’t even know we had them!

He even managed to crawl way back into the corner of this cupboard and find some cat nip I had no clue was there. He carried it out of the cupboard and then threw it and I had catnip all over the kitchen floor. I then barricaded him in the living room to sweep up the mess. While in the living room he attacked the blanket pile, and threw all his toys all over the place. He managed to tear off the third set of corner protectors as well.

 

The one place I had to put a safety latch was our laundry shoot. For the apparent reason of not wanting to rescue a venturous baby from the shoot. Well, he managed to BREAK the latch! He was trying to open and close the door, what he could with the latch on and snap!

He pulled down the gate to Andrews room and found Andrew’s stereo buttons to be great fun. Oh was he mad at me when I took him out of there. I think he may have even cursed at me!

   

At Elijah’s wrestling match, my mom and I ended up taking turns holding him. All he wanted to do was go and wrestle with the kids. He does have his body slam down pretty good, but I think we’ll wait a few more years.

I don’t think I’ll need to buy him a walking toy for his birthday. He’s doing very well pushing his highchair around. Then when he gets stuck he throws a fit.

He discovered the large container next to the fridge. Yes, the garbage. Ever clean coffee grounds off an 11 month old?

My litter box is tucked in a closet. He found it. Thank God he wasn’t playing in it. Instead he was throwing all the recyclable into it, while Moose was in there. The door is now fixed so the cats can barely even get in.

He finds it very enjoyable to shake the shoe rack. It makes a lovely banging sound that can be heard throughout the house. I’m sure they love it down stairs.

Yes, I think I grew a grey hair this week. He is starting to learn what he can and can not do. He’s starting to get sassy with me. What am I going to do when he’s in the terrible twos?

As you can tell, I’m home from work today. Elijah stayed home from school sick. However, maybe I too needed another day of rest.