Life and my boys

Ruff weekend emotionally. Our 16yr old boy, went down hill on Sat. Rushed him off to OR for another craniotomy. They actually had to take out part of his skull so his brain could swell out more.

I sat down by my friend/co-worker and said, “You know how I’ve told you how much pain I was in when PooWee was with J. How it was the worst pain in my entire life and I could think of anything being worse?” She remembered. “Well, that mother over there, (pointed to this boy’s mother) is in worse pain than I was. To sit there and not know whether or not you child was going to live or die, has got to be the WORST pain there is.”

I was then on my “run” to pick us all up lunch and saw this mother in the waiting room. I didn’t know what to do, so I went on my way. The whole time feeling horrible. What could I say to her, how could I help, was there anything I could do?

When I went to get a soda for lunch, she was still sitting there. I turned to her and asked her if there was anything I could get her. “My son!” she replied as she slung onto his photo. Her answer was no surprise, of course that what she wants, but I couldn’t give that to her. I told that I didn’t know what to say to her, how I can’t imagine what she is going through. She kept saying she was going to take her son home. She’d ask me if he was going to be alright. I really didn’t know. Truthfully, I’ve seen others in his shoes, some die, and some live. I told her I was just a Unit Clerk, I didn’t know all that the nurses knew. And then out of the blue I told her that I had a 9 month old son, that I almost gave up for adoption. And for 2 weeks I experienced the worse pain in my life. I told her what I told my co-worker, that I realized there was a greater pain and it was the pain she was going through. I said I didn’t know what I would do if I were in her shoes. She stood up and we hugged each other. I said I was able to bring my son home and I hoped she would bring her son home too. “I am going to bring my son home, he’s coming home.” I told her her we were all praying and thinking of them. I asked if she would like a chaplain to sit with them, just to talk and keep them company.

After many hours he came out of surgery and his pressures and sats were much improved. She now somewhat wore a smile. She was relieved, he made it through yet another surgery. As I walked past once, she gave me a thumbs up. She has such a positive look out, I pray she takes her child home.

When PooWee was with J & P it was the most horrible pain, however I knew he was OK. I saw him quite a few times and called every single day.I can’t imagine not knowing how your child is going to be. Will he/she live or die. How do mothers feel that are in closed adoptions? Man!-that must be hard. Or even open ones, where there is months in between communication. I remember thinking of how my time was running out. My court date was coming sooner and sooner and I knew I wasn’t going to have the freedom to just pick up the phone and say, I wanna see PooWee today. I strongly feel J was going to close the adoption. Through pregnancy she would talk how PooWee would always know about me and his brothers. Then after birth it changed to, “when he’s old enough.” What’s with that? “When he’s old enough!” A newborn can be told lots of things and these words can be carried on to just become part of his life. When J said those words, I knew, I knew I was going to be “invisible” for quite some time.

Well, I MUST clean today. What a mess my apartment has become. I have major phone calls to make. Poops won a free week of martial arts lessons, gotta find out when to do that. I KNOW this is going to lead to him wanting lessons, it’s all a trick. Yet, I see where they could be very beneficial for him. Guess we’ll have to see how much they will take from my checking account! I wanna give Mag a jingle and arrange time to take PooWee’s out grown clothes and toys to her. I have to yack with my mom yet, we talk atleast 3-4 times a day. She’s truly my best friend.

One more thing! Andorable and Poops do not like me using these nicknames. They have asked that I reveal their REAL names. Soooo…….(drum roll….

Andorable is Andrew. His father actually named him. We had an agreement if it was a boy he picked the name and a girl I got to. Andrew said he was happy he was a boy because he doesn’t like what my girl name was. At the time I had picked Samantha, however if I were to gave a girl today, I’d have a different name. (Though I don’t know what it would be.)

Poops, he’s got many other names, there’s E-man, J-babes, Jah-babes, Wild-n-Crazy Maniac, but his true name is Elijah. His father and I knew early on that if I had a boy, this was the name. I don’t recall who thought of it, but it was ONE thing we agreed on.

As for PooWee, well, I wanna tell ya his name, yet I think it should be up to him. His name is really cool. Poops Elijah and I decided on it. His middle name is my fathers name, which is so special to me. My father passed away 5 yrs ago. Plus, I strongly think my dad had ALOT to do with my “waking up” and bring PooWees home. He NEVER would have agreed with an adoption. We’ll see though, who knows maybe someday I’ll tell ya. I will say his name means, “The one God loves.” Alot of people have never heard it. One person, said they knew of a lil girl with the same name.

Anyways, off to my Monday chores!