Poops was happy with his birthday. G-ma Marcy, Uncle Stevie, my friend Ann (AKA Annabanana) and I all celebrated with him. We went out for pizza, handed him a roll of quarters to play video games and his eyes popped out of his head. He NEVER got that many quarters before! I went with the 50 dollar bill-he loved it! As soon as we were done with pizza we of course had to head off to WalMart, so he could spend all his birthday money. He bought Guitar Hero, am I surprised-NOPE! The remainder of ching will go into his savings.
There’s no school today so Andorable is going to hang out with him for a few hours today. Poops will LOVE that. I think they may hit a movie or go bowling.
I’m going to head outside, rack up some leaves and throw PooWee in them for some 9 month photos. My camera however didn’t work last night for Poop’s Birthday, so I have to monkey with it. Cross your fingers I can get it to work.
Poops has AWANAs tonight. It’s a Bible class, he has lots of fun.
Other than that today isn’t too eventful. Maybe I can actually get to some knitting done. We all have some cleaning to do, we are all stalling though. Who wants to clean?
I’ve gotta go through PooWee’s clothes and toys. I think it’s time to get rid of his play mat, he doesn’t use it anymore, his baby bath tub hasn’t been used for ages his bouncy seat and then there’s clothes that are too small.
So sad, it tears me apart to see him grow into a big boy. But, of course, it’s so awesome to watch him accomplish new tasks. His last one is figuring out he can put his blocks into the hole of his toy. We’ve been working on that for a while, he always just wanted someone else to do it. Now he does it and then claps.
I’ve been giving PooWee’s outgrown clothes to Mag in hopes that someday they will go to a mother like myself. It was very difficult to go out and buy EVERYTHING needed for my son within hours. I hope I will be-able to take that stress away from another mother that decides to parent.
I like to give and it feels good to help others in need. I can’t make cash donations, so this is my way of giving. Mag always seems to find away to give back to me too then. A few weeks ago she stopped over and gave me 3 packages of diapers, diaper wipes, 2 onsies, 2 packs of socks, a toy and a hand knit cap for PooWee. It’s karma. Who could turn down FREE diapers?
I have such mixed feelings about Mag. I see where during my adoption process she could have been different, but she did help me bring him home. In the beginning she asked what she could have done differently. At the time I really didn’t know, now I do. Do I tell her what I have come to realize, or do I just leave it. I think I should tell her, it may benefit others down the road.
Do I tell her, “When an expectant mother says I would like my child to have two parents”, don’t give her a half smile and nod your head. But, tell her yes, it’s a nice thought, but keep in mind they may not always be together. If the expectant mother says, “I don’t want to be on assistance again, I worked hard to get off of it.” Here too, don’t give that look of acceptance, but tell her assistance isn’t forever. She seemed to agree with all my excuses for the adoption. But, yes in the end she told straight out, “You are the best choice for your son.” Is this what she felt all along, but just “played the game”? I’ve thought about telling her of this blog. Am I too harsh on her though? I do love her. She could tell me that she’s done with me, but she calls periodically to see how we’re doing, and seems to still care. I hold a special spot in my heart for her too.
Thought about writing her a separate letter on what could have been different. I think I would be better to write to her than a face to face. I’m just not that good at communicating verbally.
I do think I should tell her how things could have been different. Hey-I may actually have an adoption counselor right in front of me that may be willing to here where change needs to happen. I should take advantage of that for all future mothers that are sitting in her office. – RIGHT?! It would also may good of my situation, which in the long run…if I can help others with my “trauma” then it would make my pain easier to except.
Alright, Andorable wants me to take him to the bank to open a checking account. Man! What a responsible young adult he is turning out to be. Seems like just yesterday, he was bring his Mickey Mouse books over to me saying, “Eed Momma Eed, peeeeeees!”
